the dirtiest joke you've ever heard

i'm sure it's been done before, but i'm a stupid newbie, dammit.

ok here goes:

"what does a 80 woman's pussy taste like?"

(shrugs) "depends"

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

i guessed Ensure...


pic0

what do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?


well hung...

Why don't grandma's go to the bathroom early in the morning?

Ever tried to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

fuck..I'm an idiot...

[Edited on Mar 10, 2004 by Oracle]

How do you refurbish a whore?

Shove a 10 lbs ham up her snatch and pull out the bone.

I've told this before, but I still can't get over it.

here's an old one, but its good and sick.

whats the best thing about fucking a 12 yr old?
you're dick looks huge in her ass.
whats the worst thing about fucking a 12 yr old?
getting the blood out of your clows suit.

very wrong.

BEWARE! The following joke is just wrong and nasty, but you asked for it:






How do you make an eight year old cry twice?


Wipe your bloody dick on her favorite Teddy Bear...

did you hear about the new gay pickup line?
hey buddy, can I push your stool up for you?

why don't Wisconsin guys date Minnesota girls?
ever seen what a badger does to a gopher hole?

whats grosser than gross?
A vampire sucking on a used tampon.

(told in the first person)

"So I was fucking this girl, and out of nowhere I turned her around and started fucking her in the ass."

She replied, "that was awful presumptuous of you"

So I said, "presumptuous, that's a big word for a 10 year old"






Wow, that's terrible.

Oh, you wanna go with inappropriate jokes? Okay.

DO NOT READ PAST HERE IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY THESE KIND OF JOKES!






What's black and white and hates sex?

The 8 year old in my trunk.

i heard this when i was about 7 and i didn't understand at all.


What is the difference between a refrigerator and a gay man?


The refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Q: What's better then skull fucking a dead baby?
A: Nothing in the world!

insert 50 random dead baby jokes here . . .

In all honesty, the best dirty jokes i've heard are the story jokes that take a long ass time to say.

Same old shite.

Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

here's my contribution:

why do you put a baby in the blender feet first?



to see the look on it's face.


ok, enough of that.
on a slightly different and less (maybe more) offensive note:

why do women wear makeup and perfume??


because they're ugly and they smell bad.



why do women fake orgasms?

because they think men care.


NOTE: all of the above are to be taken with large grain of salt.

ant

why do people put disclamers on their offensive jokes?

...because they like to have sex with penguins.

-mk

*said while staring intensely into the other person's eyes and twitching slightly*
What do you get when you slice a 12 year old boy from pelvis to neck?









A hard-on!

ok so i'm in two minds about one i may post but its wrong so best leve it..

and on to the baby jokes!!!!! naaaa haha

there was a priest and he had moved parishes and he was haveing trouble addapting to what the pld priest had done before so he relyed on the choir a lot for the first few days, up came his first cofessions session and he proceeded to sit in the box thing, first lady comes up, "oh father i was rude to my sister" "well pray for 5 mins and all will be ok" said the priest, Second women walks up "oh father i fancie the milkman what should i do "he thinks about it for a while and said "do 30 hail marys and a bit of praying. he thinks to himself, i'm doing good at this, then another women walks up" oh father i gave a blow job to my boss at work" shocked and stumped at this the priest stickes his head out of the confession box and calls over a member of the youth choir "what did the old priest give for blowjob??" and the kid responded "A mars bar"

G.

what's the difference between acne and a priest?




acne usually waits until puberty before it cums on your face.

What is black and white and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson

What did the women on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
Excuse me, you’re in my Sun.

How come Barbie never got pregnant?


Because Ken always came in another box.

ba-dum-ching!

and now for my next and final joke

why do women get thier navels pierced?



cuz they have to have something to hang the air freshner from!

thank you, im here all night.

[Edited on Mar 11, 2004 by BukkakeGod]

A guy is getting ready to finger his new girlfriend for the first time, when she gets an idea.

"Stick one finger in me," she tells him, and he does it.
"Now another." And in it goes.
"Now three...four...stick your hold hand in." And he obliges.
"Now stick the other hand in." After a little struggle he manages to get it in.

"Now clap." So he tries. And he pulls, and struggles, but finally gives up. "I'm sorry honey, I just can't do it."

"Tight, huh?"

Thats good.