Open Relationships/Polyamoury

Not sure how many here are currently involved in this topic. But I am wondering; How were your first reactions to this sort of lifestyle, and how were you introduced into it?

Personal Note: We just recently got into a polyamourous/open relationship. It started out playfully as a thing to maybe find a girl we both liked. Now granted, this was a year or two ago when we started teasing about this.

Recently, she met a online acquaintance of mine, and they kinda hit it off. We talked, and I told her it would be okay to pursue something, so long as we're open to each other about everything that happens, and that we never let anything come between us. We are first.
Of course, I have my license to find a girl for a relationship. But sadly, I know how that will end. It'll be them having private time, with me at my best friend's house, kicking back with a mix of Irish cream and butterscotch schnops (Buttered Nipple/Tall).

It seems this idea pans out more for (most) men than (most) women. I've met some rather promiscuous women and I'll admit I've been with some women that were in relationships and just weren't satisfied with their boyfriends.

I won't say I understand women, but from my experience women tend to want monogamy. You might end up finding your partner looking for a replacement.

If she hasn't experienced a wide spectrum of different men this could be fine, however I've been told by a remarkable ladies man that men are more physical where as women are more into the emotional aspect.

While you might be satisfied with the physical intimacy, if this is true, she'll end up being in conflict or finding herself drifting away from you and into the arms of another man on some emotional level.

You have no idea what you're talking about.

Seriously.

You should really stop posting about things you have no experience with like you're an expert on the topic, because it really, really makes you look like an idiot.

You have no experience with actual poly relationships (note: a girl who is unsatisfied with her partner and does a dude on the side? That's not poly, it's cheating), you have no experience with women who don't give a flying fuck about monogamy (note: a woman who cheats on her partner may not give a fuck about monogamy, but it's not a poly relationship), and it really seems like you have very little experience with relationships or women in general, given your other posts around here. Why on earth would you feel qualified to comment on this at all?



To the original poster: I suggest checking out the Poly group or the Slut Pride group for some actual informed discussion from people who participate in such things.

Well hopefully to address your valid concerns and not let some dimwit with no experience in open relationships derail this thread with stupid generalities, I would say that the key to any kind of open relationship is constant communication. And when I say "constant", I mean absolutely all the time about all of your various issues.

For example, if you're cool with her having private time with someone else, that's great. If that threatens you, then that's probably an issue. While it's important that you feel like you have license to find another girl, is that really something that you want? Are you happy being open?

Along with Bean's advice, it has been discussed a few times on the boards.

Just be careful though, just because a thread exists doesn't necessarily mean that there is good information in all the posts.

and just to touch on what Subrosa said, if you have any doubts or any other issues with the idea of your partner being with someone else, it's going to crumble and crumble fast. Communication and trust are a necessity when bringing someone else into each other's lives.

Not to hijack, but congratulations to you both.

Hey Shal. I've been around. Aside from personally not having experience in poly relationships, your accusations about me are false. What matters is I've been on the other side and have conversed this topic enough times to make me feel like I could offer feedback. I might have a jaded view on things, but if you disagree, reply with corrections not referrals. You might make up a small percentage of women who defy social norms, but speaking like monogamy isn't a majority makes you sound like you think everybody else feels like you. He stated no indication about his partner's personality. It might hurt you to think I'm putting all women into an emotional category and all men into a physical one while there are obviously a lot of individuality, but I feel confident in this statement relayed to me and all I meant to do was give a heads up to somebody with an inquiry that was untouched.

PhoenixSpellstrm, a name you don't even care to address other than "To the original poster" which pretty much shows how much you care to help him versus just attacking me, basically says "My relationship is now an open one, she is hitting it off with an acquaintance of mine, I've yet to find somebody but have the pass, what do you think?" What do I think? I think he needs to be careful.

Why do I want quote Forrest Gump right now?

An old saying comes to mind--it's better to be silent and thought a fool than open your mouth and prove everyone right.

As far as misdirects go this is pretty weak. Anyways, have you noticed you have absolutely no talent for reading an audience? perhaps you should give up while you're ahead.

I'm pretty sure he isn't reading full replies.

My first reaction was "wow...that makes more sense to me than the idea of monogamy ever has." I worked at an adult store and some of my regulars were two people involved in a polyamorous triad. I was insanely curious and started asking them questions about polyamory, partly because working where I did I needed to know as much as possible about anything sex- or lifestyle-related in order to help people find what they were looking for. They answered every single question I had about polyamory and told me a few things I wouldn't have had the imagination to ask. It was also partly to satisfy my own curiosity.

Monogamy has never made sense to me. Even when I was younger, I never understood it. I literally have never understood the point of only being allowed to love one person at a time, and I've tried, and I can't let myself only love one person at a time because "that's what everybody else does, and I don't want to be weird". People and their personalities are way too complex - it seemed highly unfair to me (and selfish) to expect ONE person to provide EVERY single quality I could be looking for in a relationship. It just seemed like it put a lot of pressure on the people involved, and if some qualities were lacking, why couldn't we just bring in someone who had what we were both/all looking for? Plus, jealousy and drama the way some people have managed to perfect it? I wouldn't know jealousy if it sat on me.

I've as of yet never been in a polyamorous relationship and I've only recently come out to my sister and some close friends as being bi and poly. My parents don't know about either of those, and I'm sure they'd freak if they knew. It's something I'm really interested in exploring, though.

Testosterone

A well stated medical journal supporting this

You can pretty much find anything you want on the internet. People used to discredit Wikipedia, but its longevity and search ranking makes it hard to believe the general consensus is anything otherwise.

As for medical journals,

Statistical power analysis for the behavioral sciences

Well, that's a huge amount of data I'm not going to pretend to fully understand. I will say that the more I look scientifically, the more I feel comfortable with my simpleton friend's advice. I have a hard time imagining a guy like that would go to science, but it seems he's hit the nail in the head without being intellectual about it.

From the journal paper:

What you proclaimed was:

How does the one provide support for the other?

Who do you think these poly men are being poly with?

In answer to the original questions, my original introduction was Heinlein novels. Nothing else in the stories made sense, but his point blank assessment that monogamy wasn't the last word stuck with me and germinated over the years. Long before I'd heard the term "polyamory" I was having discussions with lovers about how monogamy didn't make sense to me, and no surprise, they often felt the same for themselves. It was years more before I got into what I'd consider my first truly poly relationship.

Core reasons to be poly for me, aside from it just feeling right, include Riya's assertions: Why would you put the pressure on anyone to be your everything? And also: How is it a good idea to swear to someone that you'll never fall for anyone else, when there are still so many people out there worth falling for? Isn't the world better with more love in it?

From my POV, monogamy has never made sense. Before being exposed to poly thought, I was already wondering what the point of monogamy was. If it works for you, fine. But poly agrees with me and always has.

Please go look up "Logical Fallacies" and see why this doesn't work as an argument.

Hey everyone, sorry about the long downtime in reply to this posting! I can nearly get wifi on some nights, and other nights, my inverter decides it's going to cap out.

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions, and all your personal stories. It's a great help to me, and good to hear about it from others. I have been reading through this slowly, yet surely.

But let me clarify. Right now, we are not in a polyamorous relationship with someone. Rather, it is more of an open relationship I think. Which, I do have news with. -She will be going to meet this guy face to face when she comes and gets me from the dallas, tx area. While they hook up, chat, probably get booty, I will be driving around Denton trying to figure out what to do until they're done. XD

Now, I am okay with this relationship. Hell, I even suggested that if he wanted, when we get out of the area we live in (W/My parents, due to a small employment issue) He could move in with us, and he can keep her company while I'm gone.

We do keep constant communication going, and talk to each other about it all the time. So we have been at least doing that. As for me, I *do* feel a little lonely myself; but not jealous.

But at any rate, will be checking out the links you guys sent and the boards. In the meantime, you guys can keep sharing, I'll be around! (Will try harder to get on, and maybe reply to people)

Fixed. [From your friendly neighborhood Poly group owner ]

In fact, we have a whole list of helpful reading.