hmmm... if your the only girl he has ever "been with". it's possible he wants to keep his options open. no offense in all. it is sometimes the way some men think.
give him time and his space. go out with other friends, make your own plans...when he asks to see you, kindly reschedule - no matter what. drop the friends with benefits to just friends. either you wlll lose him completely or gain your bf/gf status.
harsh but in my case it was effective. i now live with my bf. we plan our wedding for september of '11 or '12!

it's a "shit or get off the pot" crappy situation.

Thistle

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 13, 2010 07:09 PM

Mayhem69 said:
hmmm... if your the only girl he has ever "been with". it's possible he wants to keep his options open. no offense in all. it is sometimes the way some men think.
give him time and his space. go out with other friends, make your own plans...when he asks to see you, kindly reschedule - no matter what. drop the friends with benefits to just friends. either you wlll lose him completely or gain your bf/gf status.
harsh but in my case it was effective. i now live with my bf. we plan our wedding for september of '11 or '12!

it's a "shit or get off the pot" crappy situation.

It might "work," but there's no need to be manipulative. Just talk to him.

ScottZanarky

Calgary, AB

May 2010

MAY 15, 2010 10:10 PM

It's pretty obvious that you already are dating, and he's just being a little bit of a pussy and not calling it that. Honestly, throwing the label on it won't mean anything. You're doing exactly what every other couple does, so that pretty much makes you one.

3 options. Forget the label and continue doing what you're doing knowing you're pretty much already dating, talk to him about actually wanting to call it a "relationship", or take your pussy to greener, more committment-accepting pastures.

Calico

New Zealand

April 2007

MAY 16, 2010 01:38 AM

TheFuckOffKid said:

Pretty_In_Ink42 said:
One thought I had as to why he might not want to "commit" is cuz he may think I'll get the wrong idea and assume that then I'll expect him to marry me and have kids. In a perfect world, that'd be great. But I'm totally cool with just being a couple without worrying what might happen in the future. In all honesty, I doubt I'll end up marrying anyone. But that's not the topic at hand here. lol

Like many others have noted, we're all guessing/surmising based on the limited info at hand. You fundamentally need to resolve all of this between the two of you. I think many of the comments so far have been very insightful and constructive and hope they've given you some suggestions.

I would add that when I read this, the above kind of scenario occurred to me. This is a guy who's lost his virginity in his 20s (based on the info supplied thus far). This is quite possibly a guy who doesn't know what a relationship is or how to deal with being in one. He doesn't know the terrain or the terminology, and he's happy to be getting regular sex from someone he likes hanging out with.

Again -- this is conjecture on my part.

But (i) if I'm right and (ii) if you want the deal more firmly sewn up (yes, you are bf/gf, and no, it doesn't mean marriage and kids in the next year), then it might involve you being firm and laying it all out with him. It's the candid conversation others have advocated, but it requires you taking some control.

And again, if I'm right, the follow-up will involve him having to grow up a bit, into an adult male who isn't driven by fear or anxiety, nor one who lets you take control in all situations.

But that's all down the track.

This, except to add that if you're really that terrified of messing things up by telling him your feelings, do you want to get into a relationship with him?

Threadlocker

Decatur, GA

October 2008

MAY 16, 2010 05:46 AM

It might "work," but there's no need to be manipulative.

"The Rules", Cosmo and every episode of soap operas and "Sex in the City" would appear to indicate otherwise.

Joking.

The guy sounds like he ain't worth dating. She's gotta have some low self opinion to be with a guy who won't acknowledge her in public.

dholokov

Toronto, ON

April 2003

MAY 16, 2010 02:36 PM

Have sex with his best friend then see what his feelings about a casual, label-less relationship are.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

MrCrisp

I'm lost

August 2004

MAY 16, 2010 02:55 PM

dholokov said:
Have sex with his best friend then see what his feelings about a casual, label-less relationship are.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Do it.

Fabrizia

SUICIDEGIRL

New York, USA

MAY 16, 2010 03:18 PM

Been there, done it, and regret having stayed around for as long as I did. It's not about whether or not having the "label" if a girlfriend matters-it's about respect. From what I read it sounds as if he doesn't have enough respect for you.
Have a chat with him. If he knows how you feel and things don't change, move on if it bothers you.

Threadlocker

Decatur, GA

October 2008

MAY 16, 2010 03:24 PM

Dude, I'm with MrCrisp. Take his best friend in all three holes, and see how he responds.

Fabrizia

SUICIDEGIRL

New York, USA

MAY 16, 2010 03:46 PM

Dixie_Biker said:
Dude, I'm with MrCrisp. Take his best friend in all three holes, and see how he responds.

in front of him.

mydogfarted

Oakland, NJ

June 2003

MAY 16, 2010 06:12 PM

Fabrizia said:

Dixie_Biker said:
Dude, I'm with MrCrisp. Take his best friend in all three holes, and see how he responds.

in front of him.

Of course. Who is going to hold the video camera?

MrCrisp

I'm lost

August 2004

MAY 16, 2010 07:43 PM

mydogfarted said:

Fabrizia said:

Dixie_Biker said:
Dude, I'm with MrCrisp. Take his best friend in all three holes, and see how he responds.

in front of him.

Of course. Who is going to hold the video camera?

This guy.

BrandyJoy

Mississauga, ON

May 2010

MAY 20, 2010 11:01 PM

Hahaha

I doubt sleeping with his best friend would help... mainly cuz I'm not completely sure he has a "best" friend. I know him and I are really close and he has some online people he talks to pretty regularly, other than that, I'd say the vast majority of his friends are women and he doesn't have all that many friends to begin with. I'm sure he'd like to have a taped copy of that session though. lol

Also, and I know I'm gonna totally regret saying this, but he's told me in the past "I don't care who you sleep with, as long as you tell me I have a bigger dick than them." He's only said it once and I couldn't be sure how serious he was cuz he kinda laughed after saying it.

I know I should be talking to him about this, but I just wanted some other opinions on the situation. I'm kind of willing to just keep things as they are for the time being. I'm not in any kind of emotional state to date anyone at this point. Plus, I've never had any lucky after "rocking the boat" in the past.

this_guy

I'm lost

September 2007

MAY 21, 2010 03:20 PM

MrCrisp said:

mydogfarted said:

Fabrizia said:

Dixie_Biker said:
Dude, I'm with MrCrisp. Take his best friend in all three holes, and see how he responds.

in front of him.

Of course. Who is going to hold the video camera?

This guy.

YEAH!

mydogfarted

Oakland, NJ

June 2003

MAY 21, 2010 05:32 PM

this_guy said:

MrCrisp said:

mydogfarted said:

Fabrizia said:

Dixie_Biker said:
Dude, I'm with MrCrisp. Take his best friend in all three holes, and see how he responds.

in front of him.

Of course. Who is going to hold the video camera?

This guy.

YEAH!

Well played sir.

Tekky

SUICIDEGIRL

Ontario, Canada

MAY 22, 2010 04:33 AM

Coyotemike said:
Does it really matter what the official "Status Label" is?

It does if you don't want a guy dumping you and severing all contact only to move in with your 19 year old friend a month later and finding out almost the entire time you were living together he was apparently miserable over not having "official boyfriend status" and still won't speak to you 7 months after leaving you...

i mean, sometimes it matters.

Threadlocker

Decatur, GA

October 2008

MAY 22, 2010 08:03 AM

Tekky said:

Coyotemike said:
Does it really matter what the official "Status Label" is?

And a status label would prevent a guy from playing a punk douchebag move lke this?

Tadzi

Greeley, CO

April 2003

MAY 22, 2010 08:15 AM

Dixie_Biker said:

Tekky said:

Coyotemike said:
Does it really matter what the official "Status Label" is?

And a status label would prevent a guy from playing a punk douchebag move lke this?

moreover why fret over losing a douche like that? send him some vagisil and tell him to grow the fuck up.

Thistle

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAY 22, 2010 10:52 AM

Tadzi said:

Dixie_Biker said:

Tekky said:

Coyotemike said:
Does it really matter what the official "Status Label" is?

And a status label would prevent a guy from playing a punk douchebag move lke this?

moreover why fret over losing a douche like that? send him some vagisil and tell him to grow the fuck up.

The point is that it's not so much the "status label" itself as everyone having their feelings and expectations on the table.

Threadlocker

Decatur, GA

October 2008

MAY 22, 2010 04:30 PM

Tadzi said:

Dixie_Biker said:

Tekky said:

Coyotemike said:
Does it really matter what the official "Status Label" is?

And a status label would prevent a guy from playing a punk douchebag move lke this?

moreover why fret over losing a douche like that? send him some vagisil and tell him to grow the fuck up.

This.
Though without the Vagisil line.

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