open marriage / relationships, your thoughts

just wanted to get some input on how people perceive the whole issue, good or bad...and how others deal with your open-mindedness.

farely new to the SG boards, but i have been doing a lot of reading, searching...everyone here pretty much speaks there mind.

thanks in advance

bites

COMMUNICATION....

and TRUST.....

are most important....



Then you'll never go wrong

It takes a whole lot of trust, honesty and open communication. patience and understanding are a big part, too. As long as you are consistent, it will work. And it is sooooooooo much fun!!!!!!
edited to say, other people typically don't understand. and you have to be careful who you deal with. if they bring even a hint of drama, dump them. they will be nothing but trouble.

[Edited on Jan 19, 2004 by zerogirl]

I think sometimes I'd like to think I'd be ok in this type of relationship, but in reality I probably would'nt

felt both ways.. depends on the relationship and the guy and the situation... oh so much..

definately agree that it's all about trust and openess, and similar value systems and all that...

it's a fine line. good luck.

I think you want to make sure that this is something that both you are really and truly comfortable with before going ahead.

I know myself well enough to know that I'm too jealous to ever be in an open relationship. Ask yourself how you'd feel knowing that your partner is having sex with someone else right now. If that doesn't bother you at all, then go for it. If it does, then you might be getting yourself into a big mess of trouble.

As long as all people involved are aware of the situation and agree to the terms I don't see a problem with it. Most problems probably come about when one person says okay but isn't really comfortable with it. That said, I've never actually been in one.

All the open relationships I've been in have either been based on long distance or on the "let's not use the 'r-word' and just hang out together, eat ice cream and fuck" concept, so there hasn't been the same emotional heft.

I've been tempted to try something a bit more open in my current relationship, but there's a lot of factors preventing me, such as mutual insecurities about things, our general antisocialness, not wanting to risk a great thing, and the fact that if anyone's weird enough to want to fuck one of us, they're probably weird enough to want to fuck both of us.

A waste of time?

almost never works

I'm kind of all over the place on 'em. I mean, on the one hand, I encourage my girlfriend to seek out other girls to woo, even if I'm completely out of the picture. I think it's unfair to expect her to miss out on sensations I'm unable to provide.

That being said, I think every relationship is different, so everyone is going to have different "rules".

such a bad idea, in my opinion.
at least in a serious relationship.

If you're in a serious relationship, why possibly screw it up by fucking other people. Or why would you WANT to.

If you're just randomly dating someone and theres no love involved or what not, I guess I see no problem in dating around and having fun.

Once love is involved it's got to become awkward.

Ahem.

Our very own SG Poly group.

im kind of a hypocrite. id be ok if i was the one with 2 guys but i wouldnt be ok with them being with anyone else but me..so i try to avoid the situation and idea.

It all depends on your goals for your relationship. Not everything has to be built to last forever. It's important to not only be honest with your partner ("I want to fuck someone else, dear,") but also honest with yourself ("I'm really fucking jealous even though I don't want to be and I'm going to have to find a way to deal with it.")

Open relationships, if there is a mutual understanding, are fine. That being said, I think open marriages are rediculous. Why get married? Obviously you don't wan't to.

I think there's always a conflict in relationships..

For one, it's natural to seek a long-term relationship with someone special.. someone you can always count on and trust. On the other hand, it's natural to want to be with others with whom you are attracted. The divorce rate in the U.S. is what? 50%? I think a big reason why this may be the case is because couples pretend this conflict doesn't exist and as a result, no serious discussions are made. As long as both members of the couple are on the same page, I can envision open relationships working quite well. Actually, I currently think these have the potential to be the most healthy relationships.

As for me, I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year (give or take). We've discussed the subjects of why romantic relationships fail in great detail. We don't know if "open" relationships are the answer, but we're giving it a try. To any serious extent, this agreement has not been tested but it's such a load off our backs to openly discuss our attractions to others. In a way, this sort of brings us closer together..



[Edited on Jan 19, 2004 by robinbanks]

i agree w/ texas!! i am in a really great loving relationship going on 4 years now. he is my best friend not only my lover. i think that if you choose to bring someone into you relationship it may cause a whole lot of drama.

My man and I have been together for quite awhile and have been discussing bringing another girl in for sometime now.We are still not sure how this is going to play out, but we are both trying to be patient and we are secure enough with each other to explore. I have no interest in being with two guys at the same time, but a girl with a strap on is not totally out of the question
Seriously though, to each his own

thanks for the responses

The reason for the question is this...as a couple (married 2 1/2 yrs, been together over 9) we see all of our friends in relationships, or who are married having all kind of spats/arguements, drama and respect issues all the time.

They all know our situation and most do not approve, but all seem to be envious of how close we are to each other.

we both take other playmates from time to time, and as a couple also...but the playmates always know whats what, for most of them its hard to understand.

but at the end of the night we (Husband and I) always end up together comparing notes and details...best part is knowing i get to wake up to the one i love beyond all else.

thanks

Open Marriage? Negative.

When I'm in a serious relationship I'd rather concentrate my every awesome effort into spoilin, knowin, and luvin the woman I'm with.

Besides, I'm much too paranoid of STDs to live that skeezy swingers lifestyle.