newly single

newly single after almost 4 years, now what?

Masturbate, cry, sleep, repeat.

Hmm. I think the standard steps go something like this:

1. Drink a lot
2. Tell everyone you're glad it's over, although in the back of your head wonder if you maybe lost the best relationship you'll ever have
3. Drink some more
4. Go out with your buddies, who say they want to introduce you to women but who actually take you to strip clubs and sports bars and other places you are unlikely to actually meet women
5. Spend a lot of time standing in front of mirrors wondering if you'll still be attractive to women you want to meet
6. Think about working out
7. Buy some new clothes
8. Finally meet a girl and then accidentally spend way too much time talking about the four-year relationship you just got out of. You get her number but she never returns your calls.
9. Get drunk and call your ex at least once. Say something either deeply drunkenly emotional or try to have sex with her.

That about right, guys?

10. Replace love with hot wings and deep fried cheese, gain twenty pounds.

Lots of touching it, probably.

11. give up on dating till you can stop doing number 8

I had a girl pull #8 on me once. 2 hours of her yammering on about her ex-fiance.

I tried to choke myself to death on my meal, but it didn't work

12. Tell your ex that it's okay if she spends the night at your place while she's passing through town and you're out of the country.

13. Explain to your roommate that everything your ex told him while she was staying at your place and you were out of the country was a dirty, dirty lie.

14. Later admit to some of it being true

15. Be bitter and whine a lot, exponentially extending your stay in Splitsville.. Or;

16. Start dating your roommate and quit ignoring the crush you have always had on him...

17. Sleep with her best friend, or her sister, or better yet, if her mom's a MILF.........

Don't wear white leather pants.

2. Wake up 2 years from now asking WTF happened only to find out while drunk you knocked up a chick or two.

I favor this one...

Best advice yet.

Hey! Are you guys roommates???

Last time round for me, it was a fairly simple process.

1. Drink
2. Smoke
3. Drink
4. Smoke
5. Punch inanimate object
6. Call old friend and talk about it
7. Drink
8. Smoke
9. Sleep

The next couple of weeks went thusly;

Week 1

Work - Mon-Sat. Go out Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights. Spend a lot of money on booze, try and pick up.

Week 2

Run into a girl in a pub who seemed to take a shine to me. Spend all night with her, manage not to mention the ex once. Make out a lot. Walk her home.

No sex on this outing, but confidence restored.

Week 3

Go home with a girl who's had a crush on me for a few months. The sex was good, but not worth the eventual pain in the ass of having her try to move in and mooch off me.

Week 4

Ditch said girl. She just wanted money and somewhere to stay, thought I looked like a good prospect.

Week 5

Almost have sex with first serious girlfriend, you know, the one who was all religious back when you were in high school. Call it off at the last minute after fooling around a little coz she's shtupping one of your mates.

Week 6

Hook up with unrequited crush. Fall in love, start a family together.


I'll grant you, this may be a little full on for most people in that short a time frame. But hey, it works for me. Life couldn't be better :-)

don't listen to Elliott Smith.

Rebound sex. look up the person you dumped for this one.

Shower daily

Wear clean undies

Fuck on the first date

Do a barrel roll!!!!

Find someone that reminds you painfully of her, and cry at night while she is sleeping next to you.

There are women in strip clubs, at least the ones his buddies would likely take him to.