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Eisenherz

Eisenherz

El Cajon, CA
December 2007

DEC 26, 2007 02:46 PM

Okay so basically I'm a virgin. I'm eighteen and very anti-social, to the point of even rejecting other anti-socialites for awhile. I have a girl friend now (she's sixteen) and her mom doesn't like the idea of her dating me... now... she's loyal to her mother as far as rules go. It's a miracle she and I still talk (she banned her from ever seeing me again). Despite being in an open relationship, I'm not allowed to date anyone she knows (which discounts everyone I know because she introduced me to everyone I know). Yet her friend and I are verrry friendly.

Sorry about the biography there just thought I'd help you get to know my situation... okay now the question is... how is it that every one else is able to lose it so easily before they turn 18? I mean I haven't even seen a naked girl yet (in person at least...). I'm not a virgin by choice either, I consider chastity to be a vice rather than a virtue and lust to be a virtue rather than a vice.

One more thing you should know, I'm shy in person or on the phone so the only reason I'm ever dating is because she asks me out.

I'm just looking for some advice, I'd really appreciate it. (Although I'm sure I'll get some less than serious responses as well...)

NarcissistZero

NarcissistZero

Philadelphia, PA
December 2005

DEC 26, 2007 03:41 PM

Why does her mother not like you? If it's age, that's weird, as 18 and 16 are fairly normal.

Anyway, I find it odd that even with a girlfriend status on your relaitonship you are too shy to really talk to her. That seems like a criminally high level of shyness you might want to seek help about... there is a difference between being a wallflower and being incapable of normal human interaction.

As for getting laid, it sounds like you need to be patient with her. You ddin't really say why you haven't slept with her yet, so I will assume she just isn't ready? Or that you are unable to make a move on her? If she's not ready then, like I said, patience... if you care about her like you should then she should be worth the wait. If it's the incapable thing, that goes back to getting help I guess.

Lastly, why are you in an open relationship? That seems strange when you haven't even had sex yet... how can you truly know you can seperate love and sex when you haven't had love or sex yet? Are you sure your girlfriend wants to be in an open relationship? Maybe that's a reason she hasn't slept with you yet, it could be a trust issue.

Honestly, no offense, it sounds like neither of you are mature enough to know what you're doing. Sort out these feelings and get to the root of your shyness problem and maybe these things will work themselves out... a lot more people than you think wait until after 18 to lose their virginity.

unravled

unravled

Portland, OR
August 2003

DEC 26, 2007 03:46 PM

Maybe you should work out why you're antisocial (like, with a doctor), and let the virginity thing work itself out.


Or hire a prostitute.

Roethke

Roethke

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

DEC 26, 2007 03:53 PM

Eisenherz said:
Okay so basically I'm a virgin. I'm eighteen and very anti-social, to the point of even rejecting other anti-socialites for awhile. I have a girl friend now (she's sixteen) and her mom doesn't like the idea of her dating me... now... she's loyal to her mother as far as rules go. It's a miracle she and I still talk (she banned her from ever seeing me again). Despite being in an open relationship, I'm not allowed to date anyone she knows (which discounts everyone I know because she introduced me to everyone I know). Yet her friend and I are verrry friendly.

Sorry about the biography there just thought I'd help you get to know my situation... okay now the question is... how is it that every one else is able to lose it so easily before they turn 18? I mean I haven't even seen a naked girl yet (in person at least...). I'm not a virgin by choice either, I consider chastity to be a vice rather than a virtue and lust to be a virtue rather than a vice.

One more thing you should know, I'm shy in person or on the phone so the only reason I'm ever dating is because she asks me out.

I'm just looking for some advice, I'd really appreciate it. (Although I'm sure I'll get some less than serious responses as well...)



How can a relationship be open if you don't have sex? Are you given permission to be shy and antisocial to other girls, too?

You're 18. I don't see what the hurry is. About half of the people I know didn't lose it till after 18, so don't feel like a freak.

If you can't get up the gumption to actually talk to your 'girlfriend" and ask her out, then maybe she isn't actually your girlfriend. Maybe you need to work on becoming a friendlier person more capable of talking to people, especially people who you are on intimate enought terms to call them a significant other.

Eisenherz

Eisenherz

El Cajon, CA
December 2007

DEC 27, 2007 01:00 AM

Roethke said:

Eisenherz said:
Okay so basically I'm a virgin. I'm eighteen and very anti-social, to the point of even rejecting other anti-socialites for awhile. I have a girl friend now (she's sixteen) and her mom doesn't like the idea of her dating me... now... she's loyal to her mother as far as rules go. It's a miracle she and I still talk (she banned her from ever seeing me again). Despite being in an open relationship, I'm not allowed to date anyone she knows (which discounts everyone I know because she introduced me to everyone I know). Yet her friend and I are verrry friendly.

Sorry about the biography there just thought I'd help you get to know my situation... okay now the question is... how is it that every one else is able to lose it so easily before they turn 18? I mean I haven't even seen a naked girl yet (in person at least...). I'm not a virgin by choice either, I consider chastity to be a vice rather than a virtue and lust to be a virtue rather than a vice.

One more thing you should know, I'm shy in person or on the phone so the only reason I'm ever dating is because she asks me out.

I'm just looking for some advice, I'd really appreciate it. (Although I'm sure I'll get some less than serious responses as well...)



How can a relationship be open if you don't have sex? Are you given permission to be shy and antisocial to other girls, too?

You're 18. I don't see what the hurry is. About half of the people I know didn't lose it till after 18, so don't feel like a freak.

If you can't get up the gumption to actually talk to your 'girlfriend" and ask her out, then maybe she isn't actually your girlfriend. Maybe you need to work on becoming a friendlier person more capable of talking to people, especially people who you are on intimate enought terms to call them a significant other.



No my girl friend isn't so much the problem. She's the one with pants in the relationship. She prefers to be the initiator AND she prefers the open relationship. It's odd...

But whatever. As for the antisocial thing... I'm already seeing a doctor about it. She's got a lot of sexual relationships with girls and she's got some sexual tension with ONE other guy. Frankly I'm glad, I'm not the jealous type. Its not that I prefer it either way, I just don't care. She's had sex before, right now she's not allowed to see anybody cos her mother caught her a few times with her exes... and some other stuff...

I dunno it just gets stupider. I kissed (closed mouth) for the first time a month ago. That was pretty fun, eh I'm just hoping I can get some objective help here with out being criticized or anything. Thanks so far at least.

Salome

Salome

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

DEC 27, 2007 02:08 AM

The public boards are a bad place to be asking this question. You've gotten some good advice so far, but any minute now it's going to devolve into snark.

You may have more luck with the groups, such as:
Virgins
Male Sexuality
Dating Sucks

there are also groups that support members with various mental health issues, such as the
Social Anxiety group; try finding a group that corresponds to whatever you're working out with your doctor

starbuck42

starbuck42

I'm lost
February 2007

DEC 27, 2007 02:10 AM

Salome said:
The public boards are a bad place to be asking this question. You've gotten some good advice so far, but any minute now it's going to devolve into snark.

You may have more luck with the groups, such as:
Virgins
Male Sexuality
Dating Sucks

there are also groups that support members with various mental health issues, such as the
Social Anxiety group; try finding a group that corresponds to whatever you're working out with your doctor


Useful.

NarcissistZero

NarcissistZero

Philadelphia, PA
December 2005

DEC 27, 2007 07:58 AM

Yep... I know nothing of the virgin group, but in dating sucks I think we're pretty good about being sensitive to these things, and a lot of people there have great advice to offer.

Eisenherz

Eisenherz

El Cajon, CA
December 2007

DEC 28, 2007 02:55 PM

Thanks again guys.

CaptainMobius

CaptainMobius

North Hollywood, CA
June 2007

DEC 28, 2007 09:54 PM

"how is it that every one else is able to lose it so easily before they turn 18?"

Dude, I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 19 years old. Granted, I lost my virginity a mere week later, but still... Don't sweat it. Sex'll happen when it happens, and it's going to be fucking great when it does, but don't be in such a rush.

PaulNikon

PaulNikon

Melbourne, FL
February 2003

DEC 29, 2007 01:33 AM

Eighteen and in El Cajon. I have a list for you.

You do need to see naked ladies. Try the Deja Vu at:
2720 Midway Dr.
San Diego, California 92110
(619) 224-4757

You will find lots of girls your age there.

And definately try Cheetahs at
8105 Clairemont Mesa Blvd
(858) 277-2339

Be sure to bring money.

A good place to meet girls in El Cajon is at Grossmont College. Or, drive up university to The Living Room. Or, downtown San Diego. Try Cafe Lulu. Yeah, boy.

_DictionaryGirl_

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

DEC 30, 2007 12:27 PM

PaulNikon said:
Eighteen and in El Cajon. I have a list for you.

You do need to see naked ladies. Try the Deja Vu at:
2720 Midway Dr.
San Diego, California 92110
(619) 224-4757

You will find lots of girls your age there.

And definately try Cheetahs at
8105 Clairemont Mesa Blvd
(858) 277-2339

Be sure to bring money.

A good place to meet girls in El Cajon is at Grossmont College. Or, drive up university to The Living Room. Or, downtown San Diego. Try Cafe Lulu. Yeah, boy.



Truth. You may also perchance have luck at a place like Lestat's, judging by your profile. Whatever the case, get the heck out of El Cajon.