Boring sex life Advice

Hi i am just after some advice about my current 5yr relationship, i am 25 btw

Is there anyone here that has been with anyone that long and got to a point where the sex is just well....boring? I love my g/f but for the past year the sex has been a significant mood altering problem for me. the frequency is not up to my level (if i am lucky maybe twice a week if that) and when its not that great anyway it doesn't really matter how much you are getting. i have almost broken up with her a couple of times about this but because we still both love each other we stay together.

Can you walk out on someone you love because the sex sucks? I dont want to be at the point in my life where i am not excited about sex. any serious advice welcomed thanx.

The first question is, of course, whether you've talked about this with each other. The second question is if so, what did she say? The third question is whether you guys actually followed up on your conversation with the agreed upon action or actions to address the problem.

Communication will usually fix this problem. I have been with my BF for 4 years now, and we occassionally hit less-than-mindblowing periods of sex. Schedules can get crazy and people get tired. As long as it's not a "wow...I'm not attracted to this person at all" issue, you two will be able to work through it.

My boyfriend and I are pretty open communication-wise, and I tend to tell him when something isn't working for me. Then he asks what I suggest, and we go from there.

Yeah we have talked about it we try and change things that are supposed to fix the problem but nothing seems to work, we have no agreed upon actions to take if problem is not fixed. I just think nothing is going to change and i feel its time to maybe move on?

So would i be stupid to end a five year relationship based upon my sex life?

Sounds like you've already made the decision and are just to scared to move on it, which isn't doing you or your GF any favors. The sex isn't going to get any better when you've already mentally decided the relationship is over.

I agree.

No i havnt made up my mind, i just wanted peoples thoughts on similar experiences.

Dorsal said it best...

I completely agree with that.

O RLY?

You've made up your mind, you are just refusing to admit it to your self.

I don't. Love and Lust are two different things, and one does not equal, or require the other.

Yes, very stupid actually. Although an unhealthy sex live can say the relationship isn't working, it can also just happen and everybody has ups and downs (no pun intended)...

I saw a sexologist (is that an english word?), a pretty renowned woman in holland, once stating that the only cure for a bad sexlife is well erm... having sex.

I know this also from experience.

Although it's good to talk about it, don't overdo it. It can worsen things because of pressure and fear of disapointment. Just plan special stuff as a surprise. Maybe whipped cream, a bath surrounded by candles, etc. That kind of stuff can fuel the fire a bit and leave you with inspiration for your run of the mill shag... By doing stuff like that it also shows you care emotionaly so it works on both levels...

On a personal account I can say that a simple striptease (garter's included) kinda saved a relationship once that had the same problem... IMHO see it as a small fire, fuel it right and watch the flames. Just don't try to put to much in it (emotional pressure that is) or it'll smolder, and don't expect big flames all of sudden.

Don't consider yourself doomed just yet

What all have you tried?

There's a lot of different sex to be had out there, you know.

maybe see if cheating on her spices it up.

Is that an offer you scamp?

I've been in a monogamous relationship for 6 years. Sex is something that you have to work at to keep interesting. That doesn't mean it is bad just because there's "work" involved. What are her fantasies? What are yours? Do you compliment each other? Touch each other outside of sex?

Yes, your sex life will die if you let it, that is your (and her) choice really. If you really love her, I wouldn't think you'd be giving up so easily. Anyway, here's some advice...

Some suggestions:
use more dirty talk
try a little light bondage
use blindfolds
go skinny dipping
massage each other
dress up in costumes
role play
take naughty photos
watch porn together
masturbate each other
watch each other masturbate

Your sex life doesn't have to be the way it is, it does take two to fix it though. She has to want things to change as well.

Best of luck to you.

thanks for all the advice people, some of it helps.

just a note tho is it normal for someone to not have any fantasys??? because in the 5yrs i have know her she has always said she has none???? i have told her some wild shit about my fantasys so she def has nothing to be afraid of??

I've come accross mild and hardcore fantasys... I reckon it's possible.
Can't imagine a 5 year lie, so yeah possible... And therefore normal.

+1 very important this one

I had a five year relationship go through sort if a similar experience a few years ago. We went through a couple years where the sex was just bad. It got really good again right toward the end, but by that point I'd kinda realized that the tedious sex was sort of symptomatic of a relationship that had grown tedious. I'm not self-aware enough to tell you whether things got better at the end because a part of me knew I wasn't going to have to put up with her for much longer, but it might have had something to do with it.

That said, two things really helped. The first was The Guide to Getting it On. This is a beautiful book, and if you don't have a copy I recommend you pick one up. We'd lay in bed and read through it together. It was a little embarrassing at first, but the book is really funny and well written and it was actually pretty fun when we got used to the idea. More than anything it was kind of an ice breaker, bringing up things we might have been to timid to bring up ourselves.

The second thing was taking a road trip through the South. Something about being in a different place every night, a different hotel bed or a different campground, really helped kick-start things.

I've ended relationships that got boring sex wise that I couldn't seem to spice up. Sex starts to take work to keep interesting, but it requires the work of both people involved, not just one. People have various needs when it comes to being intimate. If both are not up to the challenge... well it's time to have a talk or two and get creative. But the people above me have seemed to cover that.

I've had relationships that die because of a boring sex life and some that don't even seem to fade after years...

All I can say is: if you really care about her, try everything... one might do the trick...

that's sweet......i have a friend who confessed to always sitting in the bathtub with his g/f (at the time), bathing her and washing her hair-i thought that was so incredibly lovely (especially given that my bf-his brother-had a total incapacity for affection and intimacy )