mutual masturbation or oral sex

Hello all SGs and girls. I have a question for you. Let me explain my situation first...

I am in a the beginnings of a serious healthy romantic relationship. I want it to last for years. We both confessed that we really like each other and we are taking it slow sexually. I am very attracted to her ( and she I ) and I am really respecting her for letting us take a few months to get to know each other before having any sex. We kiss a lot, hold hands, hug and caress each other. Yet as we kiss and cuddle on the couch more often there's a strong sexual tension building. I can sense her losing focus and she can sense me becoming half mast in my jeans.
...So the question is,
Is it a normal thing to suggest "mutual masturbation" as a way of having fun together without having sex? Or is it too sexual?
Should I just tell her how I yearn to go down on her with a passion?
Let me know what you think.

thanks!

In my opinion, placing a set timeline on something like that seems a little silly. I agree that the two of you should wait until you are both completely ready to have sex, but saying 'we will not have sex until X amount of time has passed' is a little restrictive. Or that 'we can do this and this, but not this' is really the best way to go. It is hard to map out things like emotion and sex, when they are really just intertwined with the two people and how they feel about each other.

I respect, completely, the idea of not jumping into bed with someone just because you both wanna scratch a little itch, but as two consenting adults, you should know when the time is right.

That's just my thoughts on it, though.

thanks for your thoughts and respect, DhD

Okay, why would it be so different from having sex if you go down on her or if she goes down on you? Or if you get each other off? Or just watch each other? Those are all extremely sexual events. Would it really be that different than going all the way? And I mean that in terms of your relationship, not in terms of the act. What's the point of waiting, or setting a boundary, if you're going to fudge the boundary?

To put it in DhD parlance, aren't those "other acts" jumping into bed with each other? Scratching your itches? I guess I don't see the difference.

I think it would be perfectly "normal" to do what you suggested. I guess you have to decide what exactly the point of waiting on any kind of sex is, and if mutual masturbation or oral still allows you to achieve those goals, than go for it. Otherwise I don't see the difference.

Creepy.

pretty much a big +1 to this.

First off, if you hadn't noticed from my username, I'm a virgin - so please take my opinion with a grain of 'theoretical' salt. From what you've said, I'm gonna guess that, like me, you are taking a more *old-fashioned view of sex in that you're viewing actual Tab-A-in-slot-B intercourse as '(heterosexual) sex' and counting other options as more akin to foreplay - at least in the case of your current relationship. And, as such, would like to explore a bit more sexuality without moving onto the 'main event'.

Man, what a long winded intro...

My take is this: In such a relationship as yours*, I think it's completely reasonable to suggest mutual masturbation and oral sex as options to progress along your path of sexual development/exploration.
First, though, you might want to gauge how far you want to take it. In my mind, "'go[ing] down on her with a passion" (Oral sex) is further along than Participatory (rubbing eachother) Mutual Masturbation which is, in turn, further along than Voyeuristic MM.

Ultimately, though, it is a decision that you two need to openly discuss (your feelings) and figure out how you progress. (i.e, I agree with Morgan's comment). You can just go into the discussion knowing that you have the sympathy/support of the Owner of the SG Virgins group - if that helps at all.

Wow, Morgan...that's a better answer than I could have hoped for!
...thanks!

We've been dating for two months...I'm hoping to have sex at 3 months, but it's nice to take it slow (by not going all the way) with someone I like and want a long term relationship with. It makes a big difference to how I think of and respect a girl. If taking it at the right pace works, it'll be years of sex vs. only months like in my past when the ex girl(s) & I went too fast.

Thanks for the advice... fore play / sex can be rewarding by itself. I'd just have to use a lot of will power to only have us go as far as that. My older brother and his wife Only had oral sex until they got married. It was for a duration of 2 1/2 years. I'm not saying I'd wait that long, but waiting months to go all the way would seem to help build a stronger, healthier sexual relationship.

I have never participated in Mutual Masterbation with a girl before sleeping with her, however oral sex has come first in many of them... so that's all I have to offer. It kinda seems weird to me to not have the option of jumping her bones once we're both naked watching eachother pleasure ourselves.

...and then you take her into the place of lovemaking.

I dunno.. your intentions are noble, but try as I might I can't follow your logic. Mostly because of my personal impression of sex in general. I warn you: this is ALL MY OWN PERSONAL FEELINGS. So it may sound like so much gibberish. I'm cool with that.

Mutual masturbation (whether it's watching each other or doing each other) and oral sex to me are intensely passionate and highly erotic. If I stacked up my most memorable sexual experiences, the oral and the "standard intercourse" would be almost equally represented. To view it as a substitute for penis-vagina sex, because you don't want to have that kind of sex, lessens it.

In the meantime, you're super-inflating the importance of "regular sex", to the point where I'd consider you're overinflating it. If you equate to a significant landmark in your relationship, what happens if you end up going a long stretch without it? Does it mean that the relationship is flagging?

I also feel that setting empirical, measurable deadlines to something that's supposed to be fluid, subjective, and run mostly by emotion can get ugly. Also, what if you commit emotionally and at 3 months find out she's a horrible lay? I know it's a long shot, but it could happen!

For me, mutual masturbation, oral, vaginal, it's all part of a healthy sexual repertoire, and any night can mean any or all of the above. This kind of setup you're talking about makes intercourse some kind of "point of no return", where anything else is diminished.

Granted. But, then again, I think "regular sex" is probably over-inflated in the mainstream itself - heck even you said "what if...she's a horrible lay?" (albeit with a winkie, but still) In my mind, "regular sex" can be special in it's own right; but, if you are really connecting with your partner, A) you can work on it to make it better (remember: I'm a Virgin and, thus, working from theory) or B) you can share the pleasures of the alternative methods of sexuality.

Of course, another way to think about it (for those that might have trouble seeing from my perspective) is like ice cream. Everyone likes ice cream (except maybe the lactose intolerant, but don't get cute). Sure Sundaes (in their various incarnations) are great; with their whipped cream, nuts, & whatnot - but say you couldn't have a sundae (for whatever reason)? Would you turn down or otherwise feel bad because all you could have at that time was a few scoops of ice cream in a bowl? I wouldn't, because it's Ice Cream, and just being able to have it at all is a treat (and, certainly beats licking chocolate syrup off a spoon - though that can be nice too).

As it has been said before, things only have the value that you give them. Ultimately there is no universal answer - you just have to be true to yourself and weigh things accordingly.

thanks. I liked what you said there.

thanks!...I really liked what you said there!

I wonder if the girl who doesn't want to have sex knows that her nearly 40-year old boyfriend is discussing her non-sex life with a bunch of kids on a porn site.

Sex is awesome.

You know, seriously, wait until you're married to do anything. That way, when she finds out how bad you are, she's stuck with you!

No seriously, sex is really fun.

It really is what makes the world go 'round.

Yeah, I like sex.

word.

yes, it is awesome, but anticipation of sex and foreplay alone are also awesome and Rad!