What to do when your other is in a amateur porno on the net?

Buy a camera.

Whether or not anyone got paid, that guy who fucked 20 different women (on camera, not counting any in non-filming life) is high risk, and consequently, those 20 women are also high risk.

I don't understand this idea that he shouldn't be concerned. Now, if it were a old relationship video with some old boyfriend, then he should grow the fuck up, but once there's a couple dozen people involved in the chain-o-fucking, he's not going out on a limb to expect to be told.

EDIT: now, obviously, if they got tested at the beginning of the relationship, then the only reason he would have to worry would be if he feels it (the porn) happened after the relationship started.

Man, I always assume people use condoms when having sex with casual partners. I have to stop doing that.

EDIT: Talking about the porns.

EDIT AGAIN: Specifically amateur.

I always assumed that people used condoms for non-casual sex. Casual sex, I would assume, should involve scrubbing with some sort of caustic lye and possibly one of those things they use to irradiate fast food.

Nah, I don't use condoms when I boink by girlfriend.

Length of relatsionship; 1 year seeing each other when we can and my work allows me to be near her, when it does not, we talk on the phone a few times a week if not daily.
open meaning; we had no clearly defined it's just me and you together but now we are stepping closer to a it's just me and you together thing. I am thinking as you discuss moving the relationship to another level and staying together for a period of time, maybe you bring this up or at least say, I need to tell you something when we stay together.
NO LINX, TYVM

It was mentioned once that perhaps she doesn't know- Take that perspective when you talk to her about it.

( And You have to talk to her about it, for several reasons.
A. it will drive you crazy- those images of her- and in your mind, you will make it a bigger & bigger issue, certain that she's done something "Wrong", proven by the fact she hasn't told you!.

B. If you love her, and you care for her... why wouldn't you tell her about what you stumbled across via internet.) <--- she can't get mad at you for it... you weren't snooping were you?? so...

Most likely she doesn't know, and if you saw it- then her friends, family & co-workers could too... you wanna give her a heads up.

But whatever you decide to do- DO NOT SHOW YOUR FRIENDS!!!
That is the path that leads to relationship death... think those images of her with a stranger are driving you insane? Wait till you start seeing her in your mind, with your friends.

And if you have already shown friends- don't tell her they know- ever. She won't trust you- you showed your friends frist, instead of talking to her about it....

I pulled the "friend" approach to my earlier posts. For alas, I am he!

And the girlfriend I was talking about him having? Why, that's the lovely JinkMaiden. When we had first started talking to each other about being intimate, that was when she had told me about her past experiences and involvement with amateur films. I was not only understanding and encouraging, but I actually ended up watching the films, still entirely comfortable with it (and getting *ahem* enjoyment out of it). It was before me and something she said usually scares guys off, but it wasn't a big deal at all. Not everyone is like that and I'm not trying to say I'm holier than thou in the slightest. I'm saying that an open and understanding relationship, it has more of a chance to flourish.

best. advice. ever.

If you can't be open and honest with the person that your into, the relationship is doomed like the deathstar.

The only thing i could add to it is to make it a discussion, not an argument. Screaming and yelling at each other about it solves nothing. Sit down and discuss it like rational human beings, bring in a third party if you think you have to.

I don't think she did anything wrong. She did what she wanted to do. I was just shocked upon seeing that. I have not shown nor will I ever show or mention it to any friends. That is why I started this thread here on SG as I can't talk to anyone in my life about what my options are. I am all for an open and honest relationship and I hope that she is as well. So if she doesn't broach the subject I will, at a casual time with no judgements and hope we can deal with it rationally.

Sounds like a good plan.

Agreed.

If it happened when you were with/not with her, what do you care? If you aren't exclusive, deal with it. This is where it's time to grow up and have some shred of responsibility as an adult. This is the definition of not being exclusive.

Now, which video was it?

Latest News;
Turns out the guy is a professional pornographer with a production company, not an ex-boyfriend with like 7 websites and sells DVD's of his ametuer adventures. I have decided I will just show them to her to let her know that they are on the net and being sold. She doesn't have to say anything, answer to me or explain herself. If she wants to talk about we can, if she doesn't want to, we don't have to. It's cool, I'm over it.

My girlfriend is a former stripper, who wants to go back if she can lose enough weight to get back down to her "stripping weight". It's not hard to find pictures of her naked on this site. She was completely open about her being with women. When we started dating, we established the ground rules for the "openness" of the relationship and I still kind of lost my shit when I saw her with her girlfriend. We talked, got passed it and even spent some quality bonding time with just the three of us. Now things are fine, but I learned that even with good communication and the best laid plans, things don't go as expected. Maturity will show if you can find the way to get past it or admit you can't deal with it and walk away.

We get it, you're afraid of germs. That's not this guy's issue. This guys issue is that he's afraid that his issues will lead to a failure of trust and communication and derail the relationship.

Not bad, but since no one has said this, I guess I should. It's all well and good to be casual about it, but you're not. Not casual at all. This is bugging the shit out of you and has projecting into the future. Pretending to be casual is not effective, in fact it is dishonest, and stewing over this and bringing it up after she's flown halfway around the planet and is presumably isolated in a strange country is phenomenally manipulative. If this goes at all badly she will resent the shit out of you, and rightly so. If you have issues, man up and raise them now, not after you hold all the cards.

As stated in my latest post;

I have decided I will just show them to her to let her know that they are on the net and being sold. She doesn't have to say anything, answer to me or explain herself. If she wants to talk about we can, if she doesn't want to, we don't have to. It's cool, I'm over it.

As to her coming halfway around the world, it is an open ended unrestricted ticket purchased before this episode aired so if at anytime she, I or we decide it is for the best that she returns home then it is done, no problems.

As for me Manning Up before she comes here; what do I have to say? It has nothing to do with me and me showing her just lets her know it is out there, if she doesn't already know.

The act in itself is no longer an issue. The only possible issue is if I ask a direct question and she lies/denies. Which I, IMHO, feel that women do not do outta deceitfulness but to avoid problems. So why, if I had a question would I even ask? It could only lead to ruin. But I cannot even think of 1 viable question to ask in this situation, so why push it, unless I just wanted to be a dick. So why not just let it go, life is too short to worry about things you can't control.