Dating a single dad

I recently started dating a single father who has shared custody of his two children ages 5 and 3. I think they are great kids and have alot of fun with them. I am looking for some basic advice from someone who is either a single parent or from someone who's dated one. I am not looking to be their new Mommy and don't want to step on the mom's toes at all.

I'd would have posted this in the single parents group but you have to apply to be a member to post.

Thanks for any advice.

As the child of a single dad, I can offer some advice...
1) DO NOT BE THE MOM. I'm going to assume that they share ideas on disciplining their children, so follow the boyfriend & ex's rules on them.
2) Even if mom is a horrid cunt, don't say it in front of the kids.

Also the product of a single Father right here.

The only thing I'll say is that you need to realise that the kids will always come before you. Many women tried to date my Dad (it was the musician thing, made him a little popular) and ended up dumped because they'd try and put their relationship before me and my needs as a kid. Doesn't work.

If you respect the boundaries of the kid/father relationship and remember that he will always have responsibilites that are probably a little more important than your relationship, you'll do fine.

Remember too, being a single father is totally hard work, wether you get full custody (like my Dad), or joint. I'm sure he'd appreciate your support, doing stuff like that alone is sucky.

Other than the obvious stuff, like don't trash talk the mom, etc., there are a lot of nuances that you will have to figure out.

My husband gets his son on holidays, weekends when they lived closer, and although I didn't want to be the 'mom', since I was the one staying home and taking care of him while hubby worked, I did have to find a good authority figure niche for myself. He challenged me constantly and misbehaved until he realized that I was there to stay and that Mom and Dad weren't getting back together again. I don't know how serious you are with this guy, but it is a boundary you will have to find and set eventually. We still have mini-power struggles, and it has been over 8 years now since his dad and I have been together. Mostly because I'm way more lenient than Dad is and he thinks he can get away with stuff.

Part of finding that is knowing when there is a problem that you have to bring Dad into, and when it is something that you can deal with yourself. (and again, this all hinges on the seriousness of your relationship) Not wanting to be the 'bad' guy and letting Dad deal with all of the tiny problems is a very bad idea if you plan on being around for a long time. It is really easy to try and be the supernice friend person because you want them to like you, but in the long run, it will cause way more problems.

Tell the kids you are there to replace their mom as often as possible.

If you could somehow get it into their heads that their real mom doesn't love them anymore, that'd be great too.

I dated a Women with 2 kids for over a year its not the same but its similar I guess.
A) At first they will probably hate you, especially the daughters, your the evil bitch stealing her beloved daddy. Get used to it don't relaliate or get drawn into her games, make sure her father aware of what is going on all the time he must make sure the kids know that Dad is going to see other women and the kids will just have to get over it. If they cant or he cant make them understand or accept it I would leave this relationship NOW.

B) Others have said it so will I too, your not there mother but they will play up or act out so rules have to be worked out with the father, He should understand that you too sometimes wiill have to help settle them. An example from me is my ex's kids started faking being sick when I moved in to test me, you know I'm sick i cant go to school kinda thing, I just picked them up in the pajamas and put them in my car and said your going to school kid's..... they got dressed and ready in like 18 seconds She used to let them get away with anything because there situation had changed with me comming along, thats so wrong. Guilt does funny things to funny people sometimes.

Make sure your aware of what you getting into because when it broke up with my ex the kids by then were quite attached to me and got very upset. I still keep in contact with her and the kids I even drive them to football games and things. Good Luck.