The ETHICAL SLUT?

This is something I just don't understand that maybe you can explain to me (not being judgemental, really want a straight answer). Why even get married unless you are willing to commit everything to that person. You can still feel deeply attached to someone without taking on the marriage aspect of it. In the end, unless you are deeply religious, and your religion only sanctions committed marriages, then marrying your significant other is just another layer added to your relationship that only means as much as you are willing to let it. I spent five years with a girl who was everything I ever wanted (including a lot that I didn't even know I really wanted or needed), and marriage was like an "Ok, we'll get to it at somepoint" kind of thing. She was and still is the other half of my soul, and no piece of paper was going to change that in any way/shape or form.

So I guess the question is, why be married at all? Seems like a very close, loving relationship would be more appropriate in situations like that.

The thought of my wife committing everything to me actually sickens me. She wouldn't be the woman I love without her passion for art, literature, and roller derby...which take a lot more out of her time and energy than any outside relationship. She also wouldn't be the woman I love if not for both the openness of her caring heart and her slutty sexual adventurousness. It is because of these things that she's someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, not despite them. Commitment and exclusivity are not, pardon the pun, married to each other. After seven years together and growing, there's little question about our level of commitment to each other. That's why we're married. That and someone is gonna have to wipe my ass when I get too senile to do it myself.

It's been a few years since I read the book, but I think it was the second introductory story from the authors that went, "I was crushed the first time my husband slept with another woman, but then I learned how to deal with it properly." That creeped me out when I read it.

Yeah...fuck that noise. The way to make polyamory work isn't to tell your significant other to just suck it up and deal with it. For any relationship to work, your lover's feelings have to mean something too you, especially their feelings about you fucking other people. I was poly when I met my wife and it was a part of our relationship agreement from the start, but when I started a relationship and she felt threatened and insecure I didn't say "Hey, you knew I was poly, deal with it." I'm sure we wouldn't be where we are now, seven years later and still passionately loving towards each other, if I'd taken suck a callous attitude.

If you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with that person, why not get married if you can? Marriage isn't just symbolic, it has a lot of legal benefits.

I was goin to ask about this. I was in a relationship w/amarried women and (oops!) had a kid w/her. She got divorced and we don't see each other so be very,very careful when hunting wabbits.

[Edited on Aug 08, 2005 by tallboy66]

Well, I guess it depends on how you view marriage; as a further showing of commitment to each other and other beliefs, or as an affirmation of what you already know is there.

Additionally, if children are in your future, you have to decide if you can make the commitment to your children, and what your marriage then means to you and your partner. I am more curious about the reasoning behind a marriage in a polyamorous relationship. I personally don't think it's appropriate to have that kind of relationship when you have children, but only because a children entails a real commitment of your whole life to that child, and having a polyamorous relationship is really putting some of your own desires ahead of what may or may not be right for the kid. I think that looking around at how many marriages fail now, mostly because one parent or the other all of a sudden decides that they don't want the responsibility of those relationships full-time, and it's a perfectly valid thing to question "Why marriage?".

And you can argue all you want about the effect a polyamorous relationship would have on your children, good or bad, but I think there is something to be said for a child having a stable family with a mom, and a dad, both of whom have a real interest in rearing the child. I see all kinds of people who consider their lives a success, doing all kinds of things, and a lot of those people tell me about how much their parents taking an active interest in their growth played a key role in helping them to get what they wanted out of life.

I'm not judging anybody, calling anybody right or wrong, just pondering the subject.

How so? I mean, which view says you should get married and which one says you shouldn't?

I'm not quite sure children require you to commit your whole life to them. If having children meant that both parents would give up working, all personal interests, and social interaction with others, that would be a commitment of your whole life. Also, I don't see how a polyamorous relationship necessarily puts your desires ahead any more so than a monoamorous one would.

I wish a few more people would question "why marriage?" before tying the knot. Sometimes it's still a no-brainer to get married though.

I don't see how polyamory would prevent that. In fact, the only kind of committed polyamorous relationship that doesn't provide at least one mom and one dad is an exclusively homosexual one. And two dads or two moms is basically the same as one of each in terms of the child's well-being.

Like most things, it only works when everyone involved isn't a complete fucking retarded. But when it works, its rather nice... except when your other gets 10x more ass than you... but meh. Still better than the alternative.

Morgan's right.. and you were wrong, now I'm going to sing the Morgan's right song...



"oooohhh silly board people
don't you know..

that whether her hair
is red, blue, or white..

Morgan's right, Morgan's right..

oooooohhhh silly board people
why with her you do fight..

cuz Morgan's right, Morgan's right...

she'll tear you to shreds, don't put up a fight..

because

*enter horn section*

Morgaaaaaan's riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

yeah, yeah, man,

bop shoowop sha wa dada dadii doooooooooo."

[Edited on Aug 09, 2005 by Lemonkid]

polyamourism or polyamoury is definantly do-able. I see 2 couples out of town and see 3 women locally. Some of these relationships are casual and kinky since I'm a BDSM lifestyler. Beeing in that lifestyle lets me 'play' and 'scene' with many people as I often get traded around to new people or old friends. I love beeing a slut.

My views on why these kind of relationships fail is simple: MATURITY. Every partner is aware of my lifestyle and the other people I see. Partners who I've had to break up with were always immature. I've yet to break a relationship with any partners with enough maturity to keep jellousy out of the equation. Have strong character, self respect, integrity - you'll be able to deal with it alot better when ugly ol' envy rears its green head.

Simple answer: keep your head strait on your shoulders and your heart in check. My life was a mess untill I figured that one out.