realtionship "allowances"

now - i know not everyone is like this, but no matter how hard i try - never in my right mind can i consider my gf (when i have one) sleeping/fooling around with a girl ever cheating.
whether i'm there or not is not important - as long as there's no other guy - i'm cool. this for me could never be a problem - however i've known guys to say absolutely not.
is this something that most girls - who enjoy girls - almost expect to have the freedom to do so?
and are there any other allowance people allow their partners? especially those in an open relationship - does this honestly ever work?

what if she falls in love and leaves you for the girl? what then, huh? is that cheating?

hrmmmm - you raise an interesting point
but - in this case - i can handle sharing her - as long as the other girl a) liked me and b) she was ok with it
if she leaves me for the girl - i'd be hurt, but that would mean that she really wasn't straight and there's something that i just couldn't give her.
the reason i dont see it as cheating is because every guy has a penis - that i can give to her - there's no need to seek it elsewhere
a woman has an insight to the female body that - no matter how hard i try - i may never learn
so if she left me - it would suck - but i'd be ok, and still would allow future gf's the freedom to sleep with women
[also note that this doesn't mean that she can just keep ditching me to sleep with women]

Dude i dont know about you but i would consider that cheating threesomes and relationships dont work what make you think your chic having a lesbian lover on the side sill

well - exactly - that's what im curious about - as to why, cause i can't see it that way
everyone's different

My boyfriend encourages me to hook-up with girls. He just wants to know about it and doesn't want it to develop into a serious relationship.

It's not something I expect at all from a relationship. He happens to like the idea, so I'm open to it. I'm really a very naturally monogamous person, so I would never pressure a guy into letting me sleep with girls too, but if he wants it, I'll be open to what opportunities arise.

I'm also cool with him hooking up with guys but I doubt it will happen.

In my opinion, if it violates your partner's definition of cheating, then it is. If you're fine with your girlfriend sleeping with other girls, then it's fine. By being in a relationship, you're basically agreeing to live on certain terms, so you can either stay within them (and be faithful) or violate them (and be unfaithful). If your relationship is set up in a way that both of you are fine with it, then it's not cheating.

Check out the Poly group for info on whether it works or not. A lot of people find the lifestyle very agreeable.

i would be totally cool with a girlfriend sleeping with another girl (that is, if it was something that was not kept secret from me, and our relationship had reached a certain level of trust i was comfortable iwth). and when it comes right down to it, pretty much the reason that i wouldn't mind is because 2 girls together is hot she would, of course, be forced to provide a detailed account of the encounter

yeah, i guess there is the possibilty of her deciding to start a relationship with the girl, or the whole thing about how it's cool for her to do it with another girl but not another guy.

but for me, it would be a big turn on.

Sorry but can't get myself to agree with the "my girl with another girl" thing.. Probably cause it happened to me more than once and because I was kept secret from it..

Always thought that it would be a great turn on until she started making out with this chick at a club while I was buying drinks.. "Hey dude, You're chick is hot! Is she the one there making out with that gal?"..

Shit.. One of the few occasions in my life that I was left speechless. I probably cared too much

Or thought we had a transparent relationship.

Either way sux.

So what if your girl's lady friend began penetrating her with a strap-on or other faux penis, or fisted her? What if she allowed her female lover to do things with her that she wouldn't with you, such as anal sex? Would you feel betrayed then?
I'm not trying to be condescending, I'm just wondering how you're imagining their escapades would be; tongue-only?
Food for hought

I include my boyfriend in my liaisons with girls. That way everybody wins. I wouldn't expect a partner to allow me girl on girl action but then again I wouldn't want to be with someone long term who wasn't okay with it. I chose someone who was more than okay with it.

Obviously this doesn't work for everybody but it can work for some. It works very well for us and I believe that is because we don't lie, sneak around or keep secrets from each other, we also respect each other's boundaries and talk about stuff...a lot.

It's not something that has really come up, but my boyfriend has long maintained that just because we are in a relationship does not mean that we belong to each other. He has always said that he is secure enough in my feelings for him to not be bothered by my behavior with anyone - including my close male friends with whom I have already had sex.

I think I could just about forgive him for anything sexually, provided he gave me a reason why that was to my satisfaction. I don't know what reason would satisfy me, as I can't help my incredibly strong inclination towards monogamy, but I don't *think* I would be overly bothered by a sexual escapade or two on his part.

For myself, well. When I'm in a good relationship, I don't get all that attracted to other people. They don't turn me on, and I don't have more than passing thoughts about sleeping with them. There are one or two gents that I would sleep with if the chance arose, but I must admit that it's more of a pityfuck type of situation than anything else, which my boyfriend frowns upon (just because that's not fair to the guy). So I don't know.

But I like knowing that he's not going to freak out right away should something happen.

i like the idea, my boyfriend likes the idea...but he doesn't get out much and i'm too shy around girls i like to initiate anything. i'd come home from work and tell him about a hot chick i talked to and then get yelled at for not getting her name or number. well, not yelled at, but he'd be sad. and so would i.

Listen. If a relationship is in peril, it isn't an outside source. It's something on the inside that has disintegrated. That's how it's been for me over the past coupla days.

relationship "allowances"? no such thing.

this would be my point,after some time passes she & her would be more of a cuple than you & her...but a hook-up is totaly different there would'nt be any "long term. relationship" jmo

She's allowed to do anything she wants as long it fulfills some sort of fantasy of mine.

For me, cheating is absolute and across the board. I have no double standards when it comes to that.

If she has engaged in any sensual activity with another person without my forknowledge and consent (I don't give blanket consent, save for perhaps long time friends/pre-existing relationships), she has cheated on me.

Primarily because of a number of reasons.

A: It shows me that she didn't trust me enough to express her blossoming desires for someone to me.
B: It shows me that she doesn't have the respect for me that I look for in a relationship and give freely myself.
C: She doesn't have the self-confindence nessisary to tell the potential partner that they have to wait at least as long as it takes for me to approve of it.

In short it tells me that while I might love her... we've obviously got some things that need to be resolved before we can continue to be together.

It's not that I'm even picky about who my partners have as OSO's... basically so long as I feel that it won't be destructive to our relationship or her directly... I don't have a problem with it. Of course that means I want to meet the person first.

But it is a double standard to be open to encounters for your partner with one sex and not the other...and a silly one at that (in my oppinion) concidering relationships can form regardless of gender.

does it occur to anyone that maybe the reason you dont care if your partner gays it up is because theyre NOT GAY? its like saying it wouldnt bother you if they fucked a certain actor or telephone pole. it just aint gonna happen so sure baby, im cool with that!

Totally not possible. Girls can only have relationships with men. Silly biblia.

I dunno, the root word "allow" bothers me. It smacks too much of control. If someone has to have permission for behavior that goes against the wishes of the partner, then there's obviously some disconnect in the relationship (and each person's approach to personal morals) that needs to be worked out, something a little tally-point or demerit system's not going to remedy. If the behavior is congruent with the wishes of the partner, then why is there a need to seek allowance?

Dont have a problem with my gf kissing other girls as long as im made aware of it. Never had a gf go any further with another girl whilst we are going out so cant judge how id react if it went further.
Matty

Ive had plenty of open relationships in my time, and they haev all been incredably beneficial to me.

Now, dont get me wrong, i do NOT condone cheating. However, in all of my instances, there was a verbal agreement. We were both bisexual, and we could only play around with th same gender. it worked amazingly well.

The person that Im involved with at the moment would rather keep it monogamus, and Im fine with that. Weve both agreed that if we find someone we want (hes bi as well) then we'll talk, and ask them to come home with US.

I dont like thw world "allow" because, as said before, it hold the idea of control, and I like to think that we are in a time when that isnt done. I would also like to think that most, if not all, girls on this site especially can hold their own minds, and not allow themselves to be controlled.

what was i thinking?!? girls don't fall in love! they just have sex with each other to please men! d'oh!