Punk Jokes

Kind of silly but some are damned funny

A punk with a rainbow-colored mohawk sits down on a bench next to an old

man. After awhile, he notices the old man is staring at him. "What's
wrong,
old timer?" asks the punk, "Never done anything wild in your life?"
"Actually," says the geezer, "One time I screwed a parrot. I was just
wondering if you were my son."

Q: What's the difference between an Emo kid and a dead baby?
A: The baby doesn't cry.

Q: Why do anarchists drink horrible tea?
A: Because proper tea is theft.

Q: Why did crass brake up?
A: They lost their stencil.

Q: How many punk kids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, one to change it and 9 to say they did it first.

Q:What's 500ft long and dosent have pubic hair?
A: A ticket line to a Dashboard Confessional concert.

Q: How many ska kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to drop it, and 5 to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up,
pick it
up, pick it up!

Q: How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they'd rather sit and cry about the dark.

Q: How many squatters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, cus they have no electricity.

Q: What do you call an emo kid outside the mall?
A: Anything he'll cry no matter what you do.

A punk and a hippie are walking down the street and the hippie says" so
what
is punk anyway?"
The punk kicks over a garbage can and says "THATS PUNK!!"
The hippie walks over and kicks another trash can over and says "now am
i a
punk" and the punk says "no now your a poser!"

Q: How do bonehead skins lace up their boots?
A: In little Nazi's

Q: What's the worst thing about 4 nazis in a honda civic driving off a
cliff?
A: the car holds 5

Q: What does a jewish skin say?
A: Oi-vey

Q: How do you know if you're in a punk bar?
A: If you start drinking beer, then move on to vodka and the bartender
calls
you a sellout.

Punk: knock knock.
Random person: Who's there?
Punk: Fuck.
RP: Fuck who?
Punk: Fuck you!

Q: What do you call a punk hitchhiker?
A: Stranded.

Q: What do you call a punk without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: If there is a punk and a skinhead in the back of a car, who is in the

front?
A: A cop.

Q: How many voters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: voting cant change a thing.

Q: How many straight-edgers does it take to drink a case of beer?
A: One, if no ones looking.

Q: What's the difference between a cop car and a porcupine?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to do it and four to write a zine about it.

Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Ten: One to screw it in and nine to watch his back.

Q: How many skaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two: One to do it and one to film it.

Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Twenty: One to screw it in and nineteen to call him a sellout

Q: How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to change it and four to pass out lyrics.

Q: How do you get a gutter punk out of the bathtub?
A: Turn on the water.

Q: How many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four: One to stand on the chair to screw it in, one to kick the chair
out
from under him, one to say how punk rock that was, and the fourth to say,

Shut the fuck up Mike!

Q: What has eight arms and kills its girlfriend?
A: Squid Vicious.

Q: What has eight arms and still can't play bass worth shit?
A: Squid Vicious.

Q: How many straight-edgers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they don't screw.

Q: What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: What is the difference between a fascist and a trampoline?
A: You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

Q: Why are cops buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal
six
feet?
A: Because deep down they are really good people.

Q: An apartment building in California has skins living on the first
floor,
punks on the second floor, and hippies on the third. One day a big fire
burns the building to the ground. Who survived?
A: The skins. They were at work.

Q: What do you call a bunch of racist skinheads at the bottom of the
ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: How do you get a one-armed punk out of a tree?
A: Throw him a beer.

Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they only screw in a puddle of vomit.

If you came upon a cop struggling in a raging river, and you had a
choice
between rescuing him, or taking a Pulitzer-prize-winning photograph;
what
shutter speed would you use?

A punk, a mod, and a skin walk into a bar. The bartender hands them each
a
beer with a fly in it. The mod turns the beer away. the punk drinks the
beer
despite the fly, and the skinhead grabs the fly by the wings and yells "Spit

it out! Spit it out, you bastard!"

these were priceless

I've heard a few of those. Here's a silly one to add:

How many punks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold it and one to drink until the room spins.

lame I know.

Q: How many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to screw it in, one to break it, and one to say how punk that was.

The only one that made me laugh was...

Q: Why did crass brake up?
A: They lost their stencil.


Classic.

nice!

hi-larious

Q: How many skinheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 20. 1 to screw it in and 19 to get his back.

Similar to the redneck joke I know, but that's the context i heard it in first. gotta love that joke...

How many indie-rockers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno but I have that joke at home on clear vinyl.


How many punk rockers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to change the bulb, a second one to break the bulb over his head, and the third to say "Dude! That was punk as fuck!"



How many SG members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

3

One to change the bulb, another to break it over a newb's head, and a third to say "PWN3D!!!11one"

I always thought it took 3 SG members to change a lihgt bulb too:

1 to say 'what the fucks a lihgt bulb'

1 to post a picture of the search function on the boards

and 1 to push some political agenda about the opposing platform

yeah, the lightbulb actually doesnt get changed, it just gets forgotten after the third person has hijacked the issue

Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 1-2-3-4!

Q: how many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: none, they just let it burn out and follow it around for 20 years.

yeah, i loved that one too.

Awesome.

ha, i actually stole that one from either Ursula (from Ursula & The Androids) or Jackie (from Jackie Hell & The Control Tops)... they busted that one out at the 2003 Capitol Hill Block Party

i feel so unfit to be a member of this site.

"Q: How many straight-edgers does it take to drink a case of beer?
A: One, if no ones looking."

i likey this one.

That joke is so much funnier about the Grateful Dead.

By the way, squid have 10 arms.

some of those are fucking hilarious

haaaaaaaaahahahhahahaha

yes, i attempted to modify it to apply to punks. but yer right - much funnier with the dead.

yeah, but octopus vicious sounds like you heard the joke from the retarded friend of a mental patient...

Also...I think that Squid don't neccesarilly have ten tentacles, I think it can very...I can't back that up though...

also...It's similar, but not a punk joke.

How do you get a goth out of your tree?

Cut the Rope. (yeah, I know, it's a less offensive version of the racist original)

I never heard the original (but I can guess), but your version is comedy gold, my man.

I like that one, too