***Wesley Willis***

So, I was cruisin' the journals this morning, and I noticed that L was under the impression that he and Solisis were the only Wesley Willis fans around here, b/c Solisis had listed him as his favorite band. I wanted to let them know that they're not alone!! Speak up, Wesley Willis fans!

Suck My Dog's Dick!
Spank Wagon!

My personal favorite is "Santa Claus Stole My Car." i think that's what it's called.

Rock over London, Rock on Chicago!

"I whooped Batman's aaaaasssssssss..."

I fuckin' love that guy.

All the hits, baby:
Aftab Noorani
Rock and Roll McDonald's
Osama Bin Laden
...and the list goes on.

Rock over London.
Rock on Chicago.

the vultures, the vultures
the vultures, the vultures
the vultures... ate my dead ASS up.

"Rock and Roll McDonalds"

I love the "sorry I got fat" one too..."but I will slim down.."

"A big mac has 100 grams of fat, a whopper has 77"

"McDonalds is a place to rock"


Wesley is a hidden gem in this funny world of rock and roll...LOVEIT!

Wesley Willis is A FUCKING GOD! You hear that? A Fucking God!

And to think, a friend of mine was lucky enough to get a friendly head-butt from him last winter. oh, I am so fucking jealous.

"My mother smokes crack rocks, my mother smokes crack rocks..." How could you NOT love this lovable insane musical GENIUS??? "Vampire Bat" and "Cut the Mullet" are my personal faves... can I get a witness? Testify!!!

rock over london, rock on chicago... wesley willis is hilarious, just don't let him head butt you, unless you're into that. I've gotten to see him live a couple of times, amazing

[Edited on Sep 20, 2002 by kdub]

You missed my journal, dear Prudence.

"Jesus Is the Answer" is one of my personal favorites, but "Fuck You" is always uplifting. And his cover of Girls on Film makes me forget how shitty Duran Duran is.

I saw this big, scary motherfucker on Mtv one day, about six years ago, talking about wearing his discman all the time, even during shows, to keep the demons away. Not too long after that, a friend of mine in my freshman dorm bought one of his cds. Rock and Roll Will Never Die, I think it was. We'd sit and listen and then talk like Wesley for days afterwards.

"Torment me with lies in front of my friends
Call me a fucking bum like I'm a con man
Call me a fucking jerk like I'm a rapist
Call me a fucking asshole like I'm an arsonist
Take me on a series of war hell rides with every CTA bus ride"

Wesley Willis — "Make Sure I'm Out Screwing Up"

FUCK YEAH!

My favorites are "Suck A Cheetah's Dick", "They Kicked Me Out of Church" and the ever popular "Alanis Morrisette".

Of course, just hearing him say "Morbid Angel" in that singsongy voice cracks me up.

My ex girlfriend was in a band and I used to yell dumb shit like "Rock legend to the MAX" after their songs....

oh oh ! i have heard he has songs "bolt thrower" and "morbid angel", but i have never been able to find them! am i right to assume they are (loosely) about the respective death metal bands? i would love to hear them.

i like 'i whupped mighty thor's ass'

mighty thor thought he was bad
he was harrassing my girlfriend
he was making fun of her
he called her a stupid bitch

chorus
i whuuuupped mighty thor's ass(x4)

mighty thor tried to beat up my girlfriend
he tried to hit her with a baseball bat
suddenly i took a rubber hose to him
i flogged his (???) and beat the hell outta him

chorus

bridge

mighty thor got mad at me and knocked me to the floor
i got back up and knocked mighty thor to the floor
suddenly, i told mighty floor to get his simple ass up
i told him to get the hell outta my face before i bus' his head

chorus

i just found his interveiw w/ Nardwaur it's a little long, sorry...

Nardwuar: Who are you?
Wesley Willis: I'm Wesley Willis.

How are you doing, Wesley?
I'm doing okay.

Welcome to Canada! How's Canada treating you?
Canada's doing okay, just like smashing a horse's head.


You know, I want to say, Wesley, there is a church dedicated to you in Canada. Have you seen this? The Wesley Willis Church? The Wesley Willis United Church in Clinton, Ontario. (Nardwuar hands Wesley a picture of the Church)
Yeah!

A whole church! The Wesley Willis Church. This is not a joke church. It's like the real deal. What do you think of that, Wesley Willis?
That's cool.

Now you've been kicked out of church, haven't you?
I've been kicked out of church after going crazy on those preachers.

But this church, do you think they would kick you out of the Wesley Willis Church at all?
Hell, no!

And that's in Canada!
Right on.

Now, Wesley, do you remember a guy called Daniel from Montreal who did a movie called the "Daddy of Rock N Roll" about you?
I don't know.

There was like a guy from Montreal who did a movie about you.
Yeah.

Paid for by the Canadian government.
Get the hell out of here, Ronald Reagan!

Ronald Reagan! Old Skull!
Yeah.

How are you enjoying Canada so far, have you seen any caribou?
I haven't seen any caribou.

Have you been to any Taco Bells at all? You're going to have a hard time in Vancouver. There are no Taco Bells at all.
I don't like Taco Bell.

What's wrong wth Taco Bell?
Taco Bell will make you take a poop.

But Taco Bell: run for the border! You've praised Taco Bell before!
Yeah, if you eat Taco Bell, it will make you take a poop.

Wesley Willis, what have you been eating on this particular tour that hasn't been making you take a poop?
Well, I have been eating good food.

What is your favourite food, Wesley Willis?
I like soy milk.

How much soy milk?
I like chocolate and vanilla.


How about in Chicago? What do you eat in Chicago? What about Jim's Polish Sausage on Maxwell Street in Chicago?
I don't eat Polish sausages at all.

Oh come on! You've never had it at all, Wesley Willis?
Polish sausages will make you fat and kill you!

Has anyone, Wesley Willis, been mad that you've written a song about them?
Nobody gets mad at me because I write songs about them. I write songs because I like to write songs. It's my life. I have to do what I want to do.

Has anybody thanked you, Wesley Willis, for doing a song about them? Did Alanis Morissette thank you?
She did.

How did that come about, Wesley? Alanis! A Canadian!
It's back a long time ago.

Welcome to Canada, Wesley Willis! You're down with OPP. So how is everything else going on this particular tour, Wesley Willis?
It's going okay. It's going okay just like Arm & Hammer Baking Soda.

Wesley Willis, have you ever considered doing any collaboration with anybody? There was a rumour you were going to get down with the Ol' Dirty Bastard.
No, I wouldn't.

Have you been proposed any collaborations?
No, I haven't.

Radiohead, I hear?
Yeah.

How did that come about. Please explain, Wesley Willis. That is exciting! Wesley Willis and Radiohead!
I got a band named Wesley Willis and the Drag News. Wesley Willis and the Drag News, Wesley Willis and the Sea Hags. I dig rock.

And rock is where you...
Rock is where I play.

Rock is where you roll...
Rock is where I roll.

Rock is where you roll! Now, Wesley Willis, who invented Britney Spears? Who invented Britney Spears, Wesley Willis?
You mean my song?

Who invented Britney Spears?
I don't know. She invented herself.

Who invented Jello Biafra?
He did. He invented Jello Biafra himself.

Wesley Willis, what don't you want to write about? What don't you want to write about?
I don't write songs about politicians. I write songs about good people, and some who go to jail and some who get locked up.

Wesley Willis, how many songs do you have?
Lots.

How many CDs do you have?
Forty-five.


So forty-five times "lots" equals...?
Lots.

And lots....
Equals lots.

Of....
Music.

By...
Wesley Willis.

And...
The Drag News

What inspires you to write songs, Wesley Willis? Like what is the process you go through to write a song?
I just write songs because I think about them in my mind. I dream about them in my head. That's how I get my ideas from there.

Do you have new songs lined up at all, Wesley Willis?
Yeah, I do.

Can you elaborate on any titles for us at all?
I can't say them all because I've got too many of them.

How many would you say you have?
Seventy-five new songs.


Who is your favourite Canadian?
Everybody.

(Nardwuar now points to some of Wesleys' drawings) How many drawings have you done in your life?
All my life I've done forty thousand of them.

These particular drawings, when did you do them and what are they about?
They are about the city of Chicago.


And did you do these on this tour bus on this particular tour?
I did them on the other bus. I did them on the other bus before this one.

So have do you actually have to sit and paint and draw the stuff, or do you just do it by memory?
I just do it by memory.

What are you thinking about right now, Wesley Willis?
I'm just thinking about myself, painting in front of fifty thousand people.

Tell me a bit more about your great paintings over there.
I just draw every day. I just work hard, as hard to get my shit done.

Do you have any advice for upcoming drawers?
I just like to keep busy.

Wesley Willis, you have the expression, "Rock over...."
London.

When did you come up with that and how?
I made it up.

But is that in reference to something, say a British TV show, an MTV TV show? What is that all about, Wesley Willis?
Yeah.

Yeah!
Yeah.

Yeah!
Yeah.

Yeah! Well, actually, why do you say, "Rock over London," Wesley Willis? Where does that come from? I am just curious.
I like to say it because otherwise it would mess up my mind with songs. I don't want to mess up one of my songs, and I always end them at two minutes and fifty seconds because that is my life.

Is Howard Stern a nice guy?
He is a good person but he is a humonger.


A what?
Humonger.

What does that mean?
Somebody told me was a humonger.

Wesley Wilils, I was curious, do you still hate Batman?
I hate Batman all the time, but Howard Stern is a good person.

But why do you hate Batman? What is wrong with Batman or Spiderman? What is wrong with them?
Batman is a fool! He is a damn fool!

What did he do? I think he's cool, Batman, all those kids wearing Batman shirts. That must make you mad, eh?
I whupped his ass.

Why did you whup his ass? Like what did he do wrong? I'm curious here, Wesley Willis?
He shattered my TV set.

Wesley Willis, does Nelly Furtado make her own clothes?
Yeah.

Wesley Willis, what is Chicago known for?
Chicago is known for a city and suburbs and everywhere I go.

What are some of your favourite places in Chicago and around the state?
I just like the traffic.

How about cities? What are some of your favourite cities in Illinois?
Chicago.

Any other ones? Smaller towns?
That's it.


How about bus routes? Do you have a favourite bus route that you would recommend people from Canada coming down to Chicago should check out at all?
Check out those CTA buses.

And what happens on them?
On the CTA buses there's trouble.

What sort of trouble?
There are people fighting. There are people knifing each other. They don't care.

So that would be a good thing for Canadians to go down and check out then?
That's not a good thing. Don't even think about them. CTA buses are hellrides anyway.

We are here in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, Wesley Willis. And you know in Vancouver, we have something called a Skytrain. What do you think about that?
It's something else.

A Skytrain. Have you been on that?
No, I have not.

What do you think about a Skytrain? Would that work in Chicago?
It wouldn't work in Chicago. I like the "L" Train. I like the "L" Train.

Has anyone ever got mad at you, Wesley Willis? Because there was that guy that slashed you.
He got mad at me and said I was a freak because I didn't want to give him my money to smoke their dope. I didn't want to give him my money to smoke their dope, so that's why he slashed me with a boxcutter. I wanted to take a spray and mace his ass. He's in jail now serving twenty-five years.

Does anyone else not like Wesley Willis, Wesley?
Everybody likes me.

Wesley Willis, what is a chicken cow?
I just made it up.

Wesley Willis, do you have a gun at all?
I never used one because I don't like to go jail. Prison is a place where you don't have fun. In prison you can't go anywhere. You can't run around town anymore. In prison you're just locked up.

What do you think about the band, The Prisonaires from the 1950s, where they actually made music out of a prison?
I never heard that band before.


Or the Lifers' Group, that rap group that was in prison?
I never heard of that before. I never heard of that before.

The Lifers' Group. Wesley Willis, do you get mad often?
I get mad all the time but I get people to tell me, "Rah." Say, "Rah!"

Rah!
Say, "Raow."


Raow!
Say, "Raow."

Say Raow!
Raow.

Raowww!
Raow.

Now, does this mean I get a head butt now?
Yeah!

Have you whupped anybody's ass recently Wesley Willis?
I never whupped anybody's ass because I do not want to get myself arrested and locked up.

But speaking of whupping asses and stuff, Battle of the Bands, Battle Royales. I was wondering, if Hootie and the Blowfish fought Ted Nugent, who would win?
Ted Nugent.

If Sting fought Alan Alda, who would win?
Alan Alda.

If Limp Bizkit, fought the Strokes, who would win?
The Strokes.

Wesley Willis, if Night Ranger fought the Spin Doctors, who would win?
The Spin Doctors.

Wesley Willis, if Little Bow Wow fought Bolt Thrower, who would win?
Bolt Thrower.

Wesley Willis, if you had a choice between a milkshake or a carrot, which would win?
A carrot.

Wesley Willis, anything else you would like to say to the people out there?
Rock 'n' roll will never die. Scream Dracula Scream. Thank you.

When does the head butt come in? (Wesley begins to head butt Nardwuar) Oh here it comes. Oh! Oh! Woah!
Say, "Rah."

Rah.
Sah, "Rah."

Rah.
Say, "Rrrrrewgh."

Rrrreeewwgh. Wesley, you're on fire! I have something for you. We're not over yet. Wesley, is the head butt finished, Wesley?
Aaargh.


Yes, I'm screaming. Is the head butt finished? Hold on, Wesley. I have something for you. Uh, Wesley Willis, thank you for speaking to me, Nardwuar the Human Serviette, and doot doola doot doot....
Doot doola doot doot doo.

Uh, almost, Wesley Willis. Doot doola doot doo...
Doot doola doot doo, doot doot!

wesley willis is the first time where my asking "what the fuck is wrong with this guy?" was actually answered by something that made sense. he really IS fucking crazy.

Yay Wesley! I have an album that he signed for me right on his head butt spot!

Nardwuar is a hero too! You guys should check out his interviews and ESPECIALLY his band Thee Evaporators, if they ever pass through your little town

i love wesley. he head butted me. i bought some of his artwork. he is a whooping on a llama's ass. he really gets down like a magic kiss.

by the way, his art..not so good..but he threatened to head butt me again if i didn't.

"you like my rock and roll musics lainey?"
"yeah you're great"
"you want to buy my art lainey"
"uh..i dunno how much cash i have"
"you want another head butt lainey"
"I'LL TAKE TWO!"

wesley lyrics rock:

At 11:20 AM on Saturday, April 5, 1997, I caught the Greyhound bus to Chicago, Illinois
The Greyhound bus left Des Moines, Iowa at 11:30 AM
It was an eight-hour profanity demon hellride without music
At 7:30 PM, the Greyhound bus arrived at the Chicago bus station
I then got off the intercity bus and yelled like a stupid fool

the vultures ate the deer like it was going out of style
they were eating on the skull
they were eating like dogs

...

the vultures took off like a jet plane
they were flying united
they were flying at mach 150 miles per hour
they were flying like an airplane

It's cool to know people that know Mr. Willis. Most of my friends know and love him, too. And really, why should it be any other way?

I love you all like a milkshake.

awwww...we love you, too

that's what great about this place, isn't it (or any web board!)?

Hehe, Oh shit. Wesley Willis. Maybe he could be the first suicideboy.