Your Award Acceptance Speech

What would you say if you had two minutes of live television to say whatever you wanted?

Personally, if I won a Grammy, I'd use my thank you list to thank all the artists who didn't deserve a Grammy. "I'd like to thank Milli Vanilli, Ricky Martin, N*Sync..."

Subtle, but still makes the point that such awards are meaningless.

I'd like to thank cheetos, beer, and the lack of motivation to get out into the, as my mother so eloquently put it, real world... I'd like to thank Jack, Jose, the captain, and jimmy bean... I'd like to thank boobs... I'd like to thank lady luck... and most of all... I'd like to thank the people that make it all possible...for me to have a better car, house, whore and bling bling than them...

I'd like to thank the Dark Lord Satan. Without his leadership and guidance I would never have won this award. I'd also like to personally thank all 8 people who bought our record.

well, lets start back at the beginnning...i'd like to think my first band for not having any vision and being happy poening for alcana and montrose and doing aerosmith/led zep covers(which is kinda like doing covers of a cover band back in 76') and alice bags and belinda carlisle for introducing me to punk rock at the masque and giving me a new musical direction in 77'(sorry about the habit, bel) egyptian lover for giving me my first big dj break, scientist and prince jammy and rockers hi fi for teaching the history, ice for all the late night afterhours jams, toddy t for buying my first beat(batter ram) all the bands i gigged with and especially circle 1 for the bad brains tour in 81', ST for the good times on SOV, donnie rose for getting me into the starwood to see darby one last time...namedropping gets controversial after this because of what happened but basically i would like to never thank the staff at new york polygram for jerking me off on shit that was my life, the fucks at warner bros. who tried to rape me and interscope can suck a fucking dick and if your name is suge then you are nothing but a boog to me and i will flick you off my finger and finally adrian morse and caroline for exhausting every last resource i had and sending back to a life af vice so i wiill probably not ever have anything to do with the music industry(at least the self fellating award ceromony part) ever again....god that felt good and i know i deserve to give this speech to you, the music industry, FUCK OFF.......

i would pull a guns n roses and stumble up on stage drunk holding a few bottles of beer and when the producers see it they would go to commercial thus nobody would hear my speech.

...and FUCK gaspar gomez and FUCK the diaz brothers...i'll bury those cockaroaches....thank you and good night....

screamed in a drunken state during the oscars a couple years ago when they were giving away a tv to the winner with the shortest speech

"fuck all y'all, the tv's mine beeeaaach!"

"I told you guys I was better than you."

THe best acceptance speech ever was Dee Dee Ramone's when the Ramones got into the Rock NnRoll Hall of Fame: "I'd like to thank me, myself, and me. You're da best Dee Dee."

I'd probably just be lame and thank the fans who make it all possible.

yeah i think id go along the lines of what Dee Dee said. probably something like..."id like to thank myself without whom none of this woulda been possible. i am awesome and it would be a disgrace to music if you guys werent honoring me like this."

something cocky and asshole-ish like that.

I'd be too drunk to find the microphone.

I'd say nothing
I'd moon the audience and then pee on stage, when the stage hands tried to stop me, I'd pee on them.

I'd be sure to be on every documentery about award shows that would ever be made.

i would just make up a ton of bullshit to dedicate the award to, like a kid from a previous relationship, a guy i hit with my car and paralyzed, and i would thank some totally insignifacant star in the audience, like pauly shore for inspiring me and helping me through my struffle with draino addiction. I would then start screaming and screaming and running around avoiding security until they have me cornered and i drench myself with gasoline and immolate myself while singing Nelly's award winning classic "Hot in Herre"

. . . .
Ashton this isn't funny!!!!!

. . .oh..okay....it's for real?

is this for real?

alright

first thing is first

Jaime, if you're watching this right now, thank you for being a cunt in general. . .this record wouldn't have happened without you. . . . nah, who am i kidding, some other whore would've caused it. you're useless, die.

everyone else, you know who you are, I love all of you

we're breaking up tonight, thanks

"i'd like to yield my time to the kittens," and then I would have them play some cute animal blooper footage. Best acceptance speech ever.

"man, i can't believe how much i drank..." followed by me bending over and vomitting everywhere.

id like to thank my balls...

I'd like to thank ALLAH for making me win this award, and Boz Scaggs, Avril Lavigne, my agent, Zeppo Marx, Rodan, The Sebadoh, Firpo Marberry, Russell Crowe, Oliver Sacks, Ho Chi Minh, Kenneth Anger, Morton Kondracke, Tommy Chong, that great "Matrix" songwriting team, Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala, Boognish, Emperor Hadrian, Chester A. Arthur, and Stephen Furst.

*runs naked on stage* then brings OLD DIRTY BASTARD to give the speech...
'cause it's all for the kidz!!!!