Bad Roommate Olympics

I need cheering up (see my journal). Tell me about your worst roommate experiences. Best (or worst) story wins homemade cookies. But you have to top my story.

Well... I think the best I can do is the roommate I had in first year university who kept bringing strange foreign men home and fucking them very loudly in the room next to me. Or bringing home a large group of drunks. On Wednesday nights. When I had class the next day.

He was a fuckwad.

I went to a small community college. Single, shared rooms never offer much in the way of privacy. To put things plainly, my roommate used to masturbate disturbingly loud every night for almost three months.
At least he did until I altered my living habits to make him move out, wich is why I didn't have to put up with it for a full eight months.

If I ever go back to college, I'll not be having a roommate.

i had a bad roomie once. I moved in with a co worker for a bit. his Gf/roomie was a bit crazy. So after living there for about a month they both lose there jobs so i'm stuck paying all the rent which i didn't mind to much. they were letting me stay there when i didn't have any place to go.

So lets goes on for about 6 or 7 months me going to work them sitting around the house kind of looking for new jobs. My old co worker gets a job and lo and behold she like "ok Sean get the fuck out" (my co worker was kind of spineless when it came to her) so me not really caring said "ummm ok crazy bitch" and left. i went in kind of a hurry so i left alot of my clothes there. i come back a week later to get my stuff and it turns out she throw it all away. all my clothes, a practice sword my sensai had giving me before he went away. and some other odd end junk. so yea that was my one bad roommate experience. after that i only roomed up with close friends

Not my roommate, but a friends. He came home all drunk one night, proceeded to tackle the stereo, Piss all over it. Funny thing is. it was his stereo.

Was home from working 3 months straight in the Canadian north for a week (or so...). Gas gets turned off due to a single roomate not paying his portion of the utility bills, and the landlord-by-proxy was away for another 4 days. I had to go pay the 770 dollar bill in order to get the gas turned back on (400 or so for the late charges on the gas, 350 for service charges, rest in tax). Apparently this one guy keep leading on the landlord-by-proxy that money would be coming soon, and the landlord-by-proxy just left this guy's portion of the money of the bills...so they kept accumulating for 3 months
I'm still confused why this didn't get caught sooner, seeing how the exroomate had a very shady history of not paying bills as it was

i am kinda leery to disclose this..

my freshman year roommate mistook my bed for a urinal one night, he was drunk, and i was still in the bed. i ended up sleeping in the lazy boy while he curled up with the wet blanket. he had blacked out that night and woke up smelling like piss.

does anyone know of a good shrink? these repressed memories are flooding back.

[Edited on Aug 16, 2004 by dragonboy]

Because I suspect said landlord-by-proxy wasn't exactly pressuring exroommate to pay up...

in 2nd year of college, I moved in the 4 very beautiful girls from class..fantasy come true right? WRONG...I don't have a story of a specific incident but I can say I was thrown into the lions den. They all plotted against each other the fighting it was horrible but they did agree on one thing..that was to fuck me over. Man it was a long few months.

Do spouses count?

I shared a dorm room suite with 3 other girls in college, one of whom came home very drunk one night and pissed in her own closet all over her own shoes. It appears she was comfused and thought she had opened her bathroom door. She also used to suffer from bizzarre night terrors and would occasionaly wake up screaming in our room about random things like, "oh my God there's a fish under my bed! You have to get it out or it will die!"

I later moved into another apartment with one of the other suitemates. This girl wasted no time sleeping with and later marrying my boyfriend of three years. Ah, college roomates...

i don't see how all these peaplo have so much trouble with finding the toilet

My last flatmate would *never* buy loo roll. Ever. Once I tested to see how long he'd go before he caved in and bought some, but he still didn't. He started using kitchen roll, and then he used newspaper, and then he started using the cardboard rolls in the middle, and then the bog got blocked so he had to unblock it, which he did while wearing the washing up gloves, which were too small anyway so they had shitty water overflowing the tops but that didn't stop him putting them back in the kitchen sink.

PLUS: Once he left a little turd on the bathroom carpet because he managed to miss the bog. ?? Nope, I have no idea how he managed that either. Or how he didn't notice he missed it. Or why he thought it was ok to leave a turd on the carpet when it was pointed out to him.

i think we've lived with the same person, at some point. i dragged him out of his room at 4am and made him clean it up on the spot. the look on his face suggested he thought i was about to throw him out of the bathroom window if he didn't comply. he probably wasn't far off.

anyway, Note to Roomates

I had a roommate who NEVER used soap in the shower, and changed his clothes ~once a week. When he did take a "shower", he'd leave his stinky old sheer tighty whities on the toilet seat...and usually would forget to take them away. We also housed a homeless guy nobody knew for ~3 months, who never, never showered, until I caught him wacking off on our couch in the middle of the night.

I only had my roommate for abou 40 hours. I moved out after that long.

So I get to college, and am opening the door to my room, and my roommate is in there with his girlfriend and it is obvious that I interupted them. He's a short guy, muscular, sporty type. Plays basketball, he tells me, as if the basketball in the room and the jerseys didn't tip my off. A real winner of a guy. Him and I clearly won't get along well, he points out. Captain obviouse? After a while he puts this tape into his VCR, claiming he doesn't know what is on it. It starts out all fuzzy and not working, and he gets it working. Raunchy porn, goody. He leaves that playing and goes out into the hallway, leaving me playing Halo, and wondering what this guy is thinking. After a while he comes back and tells some guy in the hallway that his roommate (being me) is watching porn. Yea. So that night he goes upstairs to the girls floor to "check out the neighbors" with a group of guys. They knock on all the doors and talk to the girls, I declined his invitation to come along. Hours later he comes back, out of breathe, asking if I want to go to a kegger with him. Having already told him I don't drink, I declinded and went back to playing Halo. He left. At about 11:00 he came back, drunk, with 2 girls hanging on him. I heard him spew out "you gotta see my roommate." as he unlocked the door. Having beaten Halo, I was bored and trying to sleep after a long day of driving and moving. He apologized, they giggled, and they left. At 2:00 he finally decided to hit the sack, he stumbled in and went to bed. At about 2:30 he stood up, in a stupor, and urinated all over the floor.
Next morning I told him what he had done, he didn't want to beleive it. Said it was beer. He poored beer out because he thought the cops were coming. Sure. Where's the beer can? There isn't one. Eventually he convinced himself of what I already knew, and sprayed some Fabreeze on the ginormous wet spot, and opened the window. For the rest of my time there he was bouncing his basketball around the dorm. Every once in a while he would throw it at my face and catch it just before it hit me. He missed once.
At about 6:00 I got up, while he was gone, and drove home. Next day came back, got a new single dorm, moved the fuck out.

I was the worst roommate any person could ever have, simply because I just wanted to live alone. I lived in dorms between the ages of sixteen and twenty three. Single rooms were too expensive, so I'd just sign up for a double and then drive the other person out. All very harmless and benign stuff, like filling a girl's bed with potatoes and then denying all knowledge of it or yelling, "Get away from my stuff!" every time she opened the closet door. I was paying for college myself, and refused to take out loans to do it, but I was intent on living alone. It made sense at the time, financially.

[Edited on Aug 16, 2004 by velocity]

yup, i just blew coca-cola out of my nose thanks to this post.

"If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down".

it would be nice if the people who lived by this rule also lived by this rule:

"clean the fucking toilet once a month, you piss-harboring pigs."

not that i have issues with this, or anything...

Glad to be of service.

Oh unravled.. I think I could equal you in terms of psycho roommates..

Let's see shall we -

#1 Kay - the annoying lesbian who would never do her dishes and was independently wealthy so she could sit around the house bitching all day when other people hadn't done their chores fast enough (though she never did hers) when they had to go to school and work. Did I mention how she never left the house, and would whine for hours on end about how she never had a girlfriend? She was the most annoying person on the face of the earth.. oh yes, but did I forget something? Yes.. she had a complete mental breakdown while she was living with us, forcing us to watch her for 48 hours before we could get her psycho-mom to come deal with her. She was cycling manic and was spouting how she thought that she was the Virgin Mary and that the Raelians were coming to save her and bring light to the world - 5 mins later it would be about how the Raelians were coming to poison here in her sleep. We had to get her committed to the hospital 3 times before she stayed there (she kept running away) to the point where we actually had to notify the police to come and get her. This was only worsened by the fact that Angelina my other roommate Randy's (we'll get to him in a minute) turned out to follow some kind of weird cult and was trying to convince Kay not to go to the hospital because the hospital people would fuck you up - fueling her paranoid delusions.

#2 - Randy - Middle aged man who was the most anal retentive man I've ever seen in my life. His room looked like it was out of an army barracks. If he could hear other people walking around in the house (it was a big house) he'd sneak around them so that he didn't have to talk to them. He was always warning us the dangers of leaving the front gate open as prostitutes and drug addicts would come into our yard (we were in the neighbourhood but still). Then there's one incident know only as the "needle incident" to those involved. So I'm coming home one day and I notice that there's a used syringe on the cement wall by my basement door. I mention this to the house to see if they know of a way to dispose of it, because I don't really want to touch it. Then Randy says "oh, I put that there." He offers no further explaination. (we know he's definately not a drug addict, so that ups the weirdness factor) A week later it comes out that he put the needle there (that he'd picked up from the street) to "teach us a lesson about how the drug addicts are around and we need to be able to deal with it." You know teaching us a lesson without telling us.

#3 - Fiona - The "friendly" environmentalist who's house I moved into after the whole fiasco of the house above. Under that (oh so dangerous) banner of "community living" she essentially wanted people to live in her house, pay her rent, and do all her chores, while doing shit all herself. Just because you have chickens in the backyard (which is cool) doesn't mean I'm willing to subvert my life to you. She is the most anal retentive woman I've ever met - and was a cleaning schedule Nazi.. "it must be done on this exact day or the whole system turns to chaos! And resentment builds." She also had the habit of being really pissed off about things, but by trying not to say it by claiming that it actually bugged my other roommate Mike. This is the woman who showed my how to "clean the bathroom" and I shit you not the use of a toothbrush and a window cleaner (like the ones that gas stations use to clean your windshield) were involved.. not to mention a bucket of various useless "environmentally sound" cleaners. She also evicted me because she didn't like me in the end. Ugh.

#4 - Cait - A relatively innocent seeming, but actually bury-it-all-deep-inside-me because it's not "nice" to talk about unpleasant things simmering pot of Wiccan rage. Apparently I'd been pissing her off for months of living there.. but she never said anything about it. Also before I moved in I was INCREDIBLY CLEAR that I like to clean things when they get dirty and that I HATE a "cleaning schedule." She agreed and said it wasn't like that in "Whimsey Henge" (that's what the house was called - I shit you not). It wasn't at first, but after a few months the hammer came down and cleaning schedules were enforced. I have a hilarious eviction letter from her - she was actually too chickenshit to talk to me in person and left me a letter - making up a lie so that she could leave the house and I could see it. Some members on this site have read that notorious letter, the best reason which she's given for evicting me is that I didn't volunteer to help paint and redecorate her rec-room.

So there you have it unravled, I think I can equal anything you have to offer.

What kind of cookies do you want?

My first roommate was a fan of the food. If eating was an olympic sport, he would be the captain. Any leftovers in the fridge were his if he brought them home or not. On any friday night, he would make a frozen lasagna (the kind that serves a family of eight mind you) and eat it with a two litre of diet coke and a bag of Oreos. He also suffered from this disorder you all talk of involving poor aim in the bathroom. The fucker would also leave filthy socks and dirty underwear in the sink. I caught him looking up my girlfriend's skirt when she was asleep on the couch. We walked in on him one afternoon abusing himself to anime-tentacle porn on my bigscreen tv in the living room. No explanation, or embarrasment, just that his class was cancelled.

Chocolate chip.