NEWS: Further proof that your average sports fan will be the least-clever person at your cocktail party

CELEB: Further Proof That Your Average Sports Fan Will Be the Least-Clever Person at Your Cocktail Party

In completely-relevant, celebrity-related news of which nearly every reader here at Suicide Girls is probably well aware, yesterday was Opening Day for Major League Baseball...and the first official game played by San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds since the published accusations of his alleged steroid use first surfaced several weeks ago.

Of course, it was just his bad luck that this particular season's leadoff game had to be played on the road, in San Diego, hundreds of miles away from the forgiving fans of his hometown up north.

And it was even worse luck (for the viewing public, at least) that he had to play in front of fans that exhibited a weath of comic ability with a range of brilliant witticisms...you know, ranging from completely novel gags about his alleged steroid usage to, well, completely novel gags about his alleged steroid usage. To wit, by way of the San Francisco Chronicle:

It only goes to show you: one absolutely cannot be funny when forced to fit their comic musings onto a giant posterboard, written out hours in advance, and carted to the stadium to be held aloft...On the contrary, true comedy requires props. Just ask San Diego's iteration of Carrot Top, who is known and loved by fans for his famous "throwing of syringes" gags.

I think you're neglecting to give Philadelphia fans the proper attention. Afterall....they DID perfect the art of chucking batteries at J.D. Drew.

I don't know . . . a whole bunch of signs just bearing an asterisk is pretty cool, IMHO.

True, subtle humor at it's best. Well, the best it's going to get at a crowded park.

That was the only remotely clever one amongst them.

HOWEVER, the best line of the day (from the perspective of one of the aforementioned forgiving SF baseball fans) came from ESPN.com's Jim Caple:

Ooh, good one.

i thought the syringe thing was just down right funny.

No, it wasn't. Making signs, booing, yelling are all acceptable fan activities. Throwing anything on to the playing area, no matter how innocuous the item proves to be, however, is unfuckingcool.

I only wanted to say I had no idea baseball started. Yea! I declare myself a true geek!

(Although I have to admit, I was just wishing the other day that I had a couple gloves with which to play catch. The point is I had no reason to comment on this message board, and I apologize for the intrusion)

P.S. I don't get the asterik dealie, how does that imply cheating or steroid use? As in each of his hits should have had a little asterik beside them stating "thanks to steroids" or somesuch? I just thought of that.

Would you consider hats on the ice after 3 goals uncool?

When Roger Maris first broke Babe Ruth's single season HR record of 60 HRs, the commissioner of baseball (a big Ruth fan) ordered that records list Maris' 61 with an asterisk because Maris had 162 games to hit 61 HRs, whereas Ruth hit 60 in only 154. So Maris' record stayed in the books for several years listed as such:

Roger Maris: 61*
Babe Ruth: 60

The asterisk signs in San Diego were an allusion to that and a subtle suggestion that Bonds (the current single season record holder with 73) should have an asterisk attached to his records too. Of course, few people make the same assertion about Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa's records, but that's a different discussion altogether.

Hit a nerve there?

Fuck baseball.

Fuck six and a half foot tall rabbits from the future.

They don't have baseball in Oklahoma.

Oh yeah they do! Don't you know this is the "heartland"? Oklahoma is stuffed full of idiot jocks, baseball is very popular here. In fact, sports in general are very popular here, whereas things like critical thought are not so popular.

I'll say it again:
Fuck baseball.
In fact, I'll expand on the idea:
Fuck football.
Fuck basketball.
Fuck golf.
Fuck NASCAR.
Fuck dumb jock sports fans.

Fuck people who project character traits onto one class of people.

Hicks from Oklahoma, what are you gonna do?
Edited to add winky, so the yokel knows I'm goofing:

[Edited on Apr 07, 2006 by PointBlank]