NEWS: Pamela Anderson Hasn't Been Attractive For 10 Years

CELEB: Pamela Anderson Hasn't Been Attractive For 10 Years

So, while AudieBird did a nice wrap-up of the VMAs I think I'll focus on the main event of the night. No, not Britney vs. rhythm. I'm talking about the White Trash Heavyweight Championship title bout between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee and the prize that was at stake. If you're a deadbeat, then there is no greater yardstick to measure yourself against than these two. And if you're these two, I guess, sooner or later you have to fight each other.

The reason they fought? Pamela Anderson. This seems odd.

A friend of mine has a theory. That theory begins, "Pamela Anderson hasn't been hot for 10 years. But because people accepted her as hot at one point, and she became so closely associated with being "hot," for so long, that people pretend this is still the case when it's clearly not. Either everyone's too busy to bother taking the time to reassess her or they have, and just find it easier to ignore the ravages of time, drugs and surgery on her body and so they go about pretending things are still the same."

I subscribe to this theory. None of my friends think she's hot (some never did) but most mainstream media types still seem to. Howard Stern, morning radio dumbasses, sports guys, etc.

I'm sure this sounds harsh and I kinda don't care. However, I'll clarify a few obvious problems someone might have with this piece just for the hell of it. That may make me seem like less of a dick. May.

Point 1) It's rude and means-spirited to mock someone for their looks.

I would never attack someone solely because of their looks. Well, actually, I totally would, but I'm not doing that here. For the same reason you can attack an actor for daring to put themselves out there and then delivering shitty work, the same way you can judge a writer attempting to be funny and then call them out when they're not, you can discuss Pam Anderson no longer being attractive. It's what she "does." Or did, anyway.

This is a person who has positioned herself as someone who is "hot." She is not an actress, singer, performer, host, etc. She did one thing, she took pride in it and she never danced around it. It was her thing and that thing has now abandoned her. The same way you feel okay talking about how Pacino lost it, Oscar De La Hoya sucks now, etc. you can discuss her and her looks. No different. If anything, this should serve as a cautionary tale for people who only do one thing well. Take an acting class. Learn to juggle. Go to school. Or, just save your money.

Point 2) She or someone close to her could read this and feel bad.

This is highly unlikely. However, let's say she does, and then feels awful. Perhaps I am even confronted. The thing is... she isn't that intelligent. I, on the other hand, am of thoroughly average intelligence. Plus, I'm a great liar, and I'm very, very funny. I would need no more than 20 minutes to convince her that she misread the piece, that I was "commenting" on or parodying crass articles like this one, that I meant the "Pam Anderson" that America sees.. her "image," that we ruined, not her actual appearance.

Secondly, there are about a million other guys who disagree with me who would be happy to tell her that she's still got it, and I'm sure that would balance this piece in her mind.

Point 3) But, you just revealed your plan! You spelled it all out. How would you be able to spin that, on the off chance she reads this? You still think it's possible?

Yes. Even after reading the above. It's fine, she's dumb, trust me.

Point 4) It's still shitty to mock her looks, since this is something she has no control over, and we all get older.

Actually, this has absolutely nothing to do with age. It has more to do with botox, hideous levels of overtanning leading to leathery-looking skin, bad tattoo choices and fake breasts which were removed, then re-inserted then... who knows? I think the majority of the damage could be undone and she'd look fine.*

Now that I've cleared that up. She doesn't look good. It's awkward. People need to stop booking her on talk shows where everyone pretends to go ga-ga apeshit over her appearance when she comes out in a tiny dress.

I was never a huge fan, she seemed to appeal mainly to a certain type of unabashedly loud, unfunny, frat guy-type. One thing you can't argue is that at one point in time she seemed to herald a new era, a whole new early ninteties idea of what hot could or should look like.

That era has come to an end.







* This is untrue. It has plenty to do with age. However the above section will be crucial when it comes to turning her around on the article, in case I do have to defend it.

I didn't read the article.

I never thought she was hot.

She is trashy and repulsive now.

Fixed.

+1

but im reading it now

although i agree with the article, i feel angry that you lied when you said you were very very funny. :-P

I was never a fan of hers. I never thought she was really all that hot, but, she was an attractive lady several years back I guess. I will say her part in Borat made me laugh hard.

I've been telling people this all day.

but, as much of a downgrade as Pam has gone through

she'll never be as bad as Jenna Jameson
(oh yeah, this theory applies to JJ 20-fold)

Rocks stars/ultimate fighters just wanna bang these chicks for their names
Farrah Fawcett would have the same status if not for. . . well. . .I dunno. . . .

I fall into that camp of people who never thought she was hot... I was actually breast fed enough as a small child and don't have a huge boob fetish like alot of guys...

Yes, and one day you too will be old. And Pamela will have been in some eyes, attractive, and you will be....old.

LOL ....this was fuckin funny. thanks.

Well hey, thanks for using the asterisk system, as opposed to just typing "I'm not funny."

I can't thank you enough for that brief period of time after I saw the first asterisk, and my eyes dropped down the page, hoping, dreaming even, that "crispy" from philly, found me funny... before my world crashed around me as I saw you'd utilized that very popular internet retort...

I guess it's not to be.

Seemingly empty-headed bimbettes have never been hot.

my divorced dad has her naked boobies on his living room wall, she's okay there it's labeled pamela anderson lee.

This seems to be the most sincere part of the article, Mr. Cooler King.

Are you reading this all you Suicide Girls? Because when you age this is what folks like Mr. King on this site will be snickering and saying about you.

"Wow, those tats really emphasize those stretchmarks. The stars are sagging, yo."

"Man, time hasn't been kind to her, has it."

Remember, the key thing about girl power culture is the *girl*. If you're a woman, you're a hag. Remember to cancel that lifetime membership before you age.

One looks forward to seeing how Mr. King ages, because these alterna-frat boys are so amusing when the bloat up but still hover near the hotties. You can almost see where the jowls are going to form.

i agree. she was never hot. but i kinda think the reason she still makes headlines, cable airtime, Borat cameos, is cause shes pretty much a joke. Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears, Micheal Jackson... thanks for the LOLs

You could always sack up and stand by your opinion when confronted by it. Just an idea.

Are you so sure she's dumb? Not that I've ever payed much attention to her, but I always got the impression that she's got a decent head on her shoulders.

Now THAT is fucking hillarious! True and hillarious.

wait! she's an actress! you obviously haven't seen VIP!!

i don't think she's so hot anymore, but she really was an icon of the 90s. i mean, fuck, she was the quintessential california blonde. and sure, there's something to say about her and how she has lived her life, and her hotness can be debated for ages, but the woman is an icon.

i·con (kn) KEY

NOUN:

also i·kon (kn) KEY
An image; a representation.
A representation or picture of a sacred or sanctified Christian personage, traditionally used and venerated in the Eastern Church.
An important and enduring symbol: "Voyager will take its place ... alongside such icons of airborne adventure as The Spirit of St. Louis and [the] Bell X-1" (William D. Marbach).
One who is the object of great attention and devotion; an idol: "He is ... a pop icon designed and manufactured for the video generation" (Harry F. Waters).
Computer Science A picture on a screen that represents a specific file, directory, window, option, or program.


She is none of these in my view. In the words of a real icon, Neil Peart, "You can twist perception. Reality won't budge."

congrats! you are practically the only winner!

Good goading headline, but where's the unattractive picture? Even if there is one, I remain a fan of Pam in this dismal post-Baywatch decade because her bimbosity always belies the media smarts (or goading as it were) that made her one of the most recognizable people on the planet.