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5/31/06

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Alyk

Alyk

Boston, MA
February 2005

MAY 31, 2006 07:36 AM

SHAQ ARRESTS SOME PERVERTS

Miami Heat star Shaquille O’Neal has spent his spare lately time busting perps. The seven-foot-tall basketball center became a certified U.S. marshal, assisting in over thirty child porn arrests.

"I do not have to run after the people or tackle them. They always surrender peacefully," Shaq recently told Webster Hall's Baird Jones. "And I'm never afraid. When I arrive, they are really already under arrest." Shaq says he's not in it for the glory. "I am not a hero . . . My father was my hero growing up. He was an Army drill sergeant and an FBI agent."


In other Shaq news, he and wife Shaunie welcomed a new daughter earlier this month. The latest, Me'arah Sanaa O'Neal, increased the clan-count to four children. Good job with the arrests, and congrats on coming up with a new, fucked up baby name.



PARIS BOYCOTTS HER OWN PREMIERE

In a fit of irony, Paris Hilton snubbed her own movie premiere because of nudity in the film. Although Hilton starred in her very own porno, One Night In Paris, Hilton boycotted the Cannes Film Festival’s showing of her new flick, National Lampoon’s Pledge This, because the filmmakers added nudity to the final cut of the film.

She says, "I'm angry that they edited the final cut without my permission. I took the part on the assurance I wouldn't do any nudity. I wanted to do something where I'd be taken seriously, and they added a load of scenes with naked girls. I was so angry I snubbed my own premiere."



No word yet if her co-star Simon Rex, the ex-MTV VJ and part-time gay porn star, made it to the premiere.



MILLA IS READY TO GET OLD

Perennial hot chick Milla Jovovich recently claimed to be fine with turning 30 years old this year. Milla explained she already experienced an age-induced freak out when she turned 22, because she thought her life was almost over.

She explains, "I went through my crisis at 22. I remember when I was 16 how I looked at 30-year-olds, like, 'Your life is so over.' Suddenly I'm the girl I used to make fun of. On the other hand, I was insecure, angry and confused with the world at 22. Not I don't feel any pressure to be the hot young thing. I can relax and be myself. It's been awesome."



tmronin

tmronin

Brooklyn, NY
February 2004

MAY 31, 2006 08:09 AM

Alyk said:

She says, "I'm angry that they edited the final cut without my permission. I took the part on the assurance I wouldn't do any nudity. I wanted to do something where I'd be taken seriously, and they added a load of scenes with naked girls. I was so angry I snubbed my own premiere."




and she decided that NATIONAL LAMPOON'S PLEDGE THIS was a good vehicle for her dramatic debut?!?

err...ok.
tongue

Max16Characters

Max16Characters

Korea, Republic Of
March 2003

MAY 31, 2006 08:12 AM

Hilton wants to be taken seriously by doing a National Lampoons' movie? surreal

irishinch

irishinch

Forestdale, MA
August 2003

MAY 31, 2006 08:17 AM

tmronin said:

Alyk said:

She says, "I'm angry that they edited the final cut without my permission. I took the part on the assurance I wouldn't do any nudity. I wanted to do something where I'd be taken seriously, and they added a load of scenes with naked girls. I was so angry I snubbed my own premiere."




and she decided that NATIONAL LAMPOON'S PLEDGE THIS was a good vehicle for her dramatic debut?!?

err...ok.
tongue




no, national lampoon's pleadge this is her FURTHERING her dramatic career, haha, she decided that HOUSE OF WAX was a good vehicle...and if her dramatic career is any vehicle, it is def. an edsel..

tongue biggrin

beaky

beaky

Miami, FL
April 2003

MAY 31, 2006 08:24 AM

You know maybe if we all stop talking about paris, she'll go away...

just maybe

Maraxia

Maraxia

United Kingdom
March 2005

MAY 31, 2006 08:32 AM

The only vehicle to further her career should be a macktruck smacking her in her ugly horse-like face. And by further, I mean spreading further. along the road. at high speed.
Bitter that no-talent fucks get money?
Very.

BrightRedScream_

BrightRedScream_

Stoney Creek, ON
April 2005

MAY 31, 2006 08:51 AM

Maraxia said:
The only vehicle to further her career should be a macktruck smacking her in her ugly horse-like face. And by further, I mean spreading further. along the road. at high speed.
Bitter that no-talent fucks get money?
Very.



Hahahahahh!!!!

MC_Dove

MC_Dove

Cincinnati, OH
November 2004

MAY 31, 2006 09:01 AM

i've got my money on that she just fucking forgot that the premiere was even happening and whipped up this excuse when it was presented to her in the morning. or afternoon. when does she wake up?

Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

MAY 31, 2006 09:07 AM

tmronin said:

Alyk said:

She says, "I'm angry that they edited the final cut without my permission. I took the part on the assurance I wouldn't do any nudity. I wanted to do something where I'd be taken seriously, and they added a load of scenes with naked girls. I was so angry I snubbed my own premiere."




and she decided that NATIONAL LAMPOON'S PLEDGE THIS was a good vehicle for her dramatic debut?!?

err...ok.
tongue


Moreover, NATIONAL LAMPOON'S PLEDGE THIS was debuting at Cannes?!

FistFuck

FistFuck

HOPEFUL

USA

MAY 31, 2006 09:44 AM

I dont understand... Paris is mad that they did a final cut adding nudity in. She took the part saying she would do nudity... and she didnt. They added in some other women being naked. So ummmm what the fuck is the big deal.

zyryx

zyryx

Tyler, TX
April 2004

MAY 31, 2006 10:17 AM

would people stop reminding paris to breath so she'll just suffocate and die!

JoshXXX

JoshXXX

Northborough, MA
March 2004

MAY 31, 2006 10:37 AM



"Drop the kiddie porn, punk!"

JoshXXX

JoshXXX

Northborough, MA
March 2004

MAY 31, 2006 10:38 AM

Dear Paris,

A National Lampoon movie with nudity? I'm as shocked as you.



Sincerely,
JoshXXX

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

MAY 31, 2006 10:42 AM


Paris who ?

I'd like to get old with Milla love blush love

CheshireCat

CheshireCat

Los Angeles, CA
January 2004

MAY 31, 2006 10:53 AM

Milla will be hot at 60

ForDeathorGlory

ForDeathorGlory

United Kingdom
March 2006

MAY 31, 2006 10:55 AM

Defo Hot At 60

Milf-age anyone?

ForDeathorGlory

ForDeathorGlory

United Kingdom
March 2006

MAY 31, 2006 10:57 AM

Gotta Give shaq his due

Guys gotta big heart .....

Well Big everything i heard

Wannie

Wannie

Kingston, ON
March 2004

MAY 31, 2006 11:22 AM

I totally respect Shaq. I saw him one time on Conan (or somesuch) and the host asked him why he had turned down a multimillion dollar endorsment deal with Wheaties, and Shaq just shrugged and said, completey honestly it seemed, "I don't like Wheaties". Now that is a class act my friends.

StealthMantis

StealthMantis

Chicago, IL
November 2005

MAY 31, 2006 11:27 AM

All you have to do to get with Milla is direct one of her movies.

Ooooh, low blow whatever

tmronin

tmronin

Brooklyn, NY
February 2004

MAY 31, 2006 11:30 AM

StealthMantis said:
All you have to do to get with Milla is direct one of her movies.

Ooooh, low blow whatever



fine! works for me.

where do i sign up? is there a line?

(just ordered the super uber criterion DVD edition of Dazed and Confused...mmmmmm....milla>

ThisIsWhoWeAre

ThisIsWhoWeAre

Oakland, CA
July 2004

MAY 31, 2006 11:44 AM

Less Paris, More Milla!

Eiron

Eiron

Buffalo, NY
May 2006

MAY 31, 2006 11:56 AM

Subrosa said:

tmronin said:

Alyk said:

She says, "I'm angry that they edited the final cut without my permission. I took the part on the assurance I wouldn't do any nudity. I wanted to do something where I'd be taken seriously, and they added a load of scenes with naked girls. I was so angry I snubbed my own premiere."




and she decided that NATIONAL LAMPOON'S PLEDGE THIS was a good vehicle for her dramatic debut?!?

err...ok.
tongue


Moreover, NATIONAL LAMPOON'S PLEDGE THIS was debuting at Cannes?!



It was bumped into the screening schedule after the Cannes film committee didn't receive the final cut of "Porky's 4" in time.


[Edited on May 31, 2006 2:56PM]

DhD_No_Pants

DhD_No_Pants

Katy, TX
May 2006

MAY 31, 2006 12:43 PM

In defense of House of Wax, we did get to see Paris get kabobbed. Worth every penny I spent on the rental.

Iggy

Iggy

SUICIDEGIRL

Alabama, USA

MAY 31, 2006 09:07 PM

tmronin said:

Alyk said:

She says, "I'm angry that they edited the final cut without my permission. I took the part on the assurance I wouldn't do any nudity. I wanted to do something where I'd be taken seriously, and they added a load of scenes with naked girls. I was so angry I snubbed my own premiere."




and she decided that NATIONAL LAMPOON'S PLEDGE THIS was a good vehicle for her dramatic debut?!?

err...ok.
tongue



Yeah thats what I was going to say....

Jena

Jena

New York, NY
June 2003

MAY 31, 2006 10:29 PM



Anytime now after I just hear the name "Shaquille O'Neal" I picture the joyous African doorman...couldn't find any pictures... frown

biggrin

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