NEWS: And Yet If You Have Two Kids with Your Sister or Cousin, That's Technically OK

CULTURE: And Yet If You Have Two Kids with Your Sister or Cousin, That's Technically OK

The modern-day "War on Families" needs to stop, I say. How else can we hope to preserve the sanctity of our noble American way of life? How else can we ensure that the classic American tradition of couples having two kids, a yard, and a white picket fence continue uninterrupted?

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for the idea of two homosexuals having all sorts of kids and getting "married" and living together in their "sinful" way, and I've never had a problem with single parent-homes, or unwed couples raising a child together in a loving environment.

But as a resident of Black Jack, Missourri, I have to insist that I draw the line at unmarried couples having two children together. Because that's just wrong, unlike anything else I've just cited.

Thankfully, the Associated Press spells out our position more clearly than I ever could. Because I, of course, am an illogical, ignorant fuck:

Now, I know I'm repeating myself here, but, as a resident of lovely ol' Black Jack, Missourri, I really am a fucking idiot. We all are, here. It must be something in the water, which we get from a river that flows backwards, just like our mindset and cultural values.

So that also means that three people who were just roommates couldn't live there either, I guess.

More than three.

Wow.

This law sounds blatantly unconstitutional to me. Hopefully the ACLU or some other such organization will step in and lay the smack down.

Right, yeah. Still...balls.

Glad I don't live there, or my housemates and I would be illegal and evicted.

Fucking stupid law.

land of the free....

life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness

why do i feel like saying fuck a great deal right now?

One more law on the books against polyamory.

Well, since we're obviously stuck in the late medeival period, I think I'm just going to pop off down the road and declare myself the duke of everything within about ten miles of here. And I've arbitrarily decided that anyone with two or seven dogs will be punished by eviction. One dog is fine, three dogs is fine, but if you have two or seven watch out.

What are you supposed to say to this? How do you argue this?

The idea that this is happening, in my country, right now, it makes me feel dirty. I don't know how to explain why this is wrong to someone who can't see it. It's so brilliantly self evident that this is stupid, pointless, vindictive, counter-productive, vile. Anyone who can buy into it must be too stupid or too twisted to be redeemed.

[Edited on May 20, 2006 by Frank]

Frank, Duke of Anythingwithintenmiles - has kind of a ring to it

"You are free, to do as we tell you" - the late, great Bill Hicks.

So, it's illegal for a couple to have an au pair?

hillbillies

Ouch, that's just painful to read.

If only it were the town of Jack Black, then all would be well.

Small change, big gains. You should send your idea along!

that is an awesome stache

How...random.

I mean, apparently it's ok for a single parent to have two or three children to raise all by themselves, but god forbid the other parent live in the house and assist?

I think in Michigan co-habitation is illegal but not really enforced.
Maybe city council officials in Black Jack have alot of time on their hands.

Totally, it does seem really random, like nobody actually thought it through at all.

I cannot even believe that shit is for real.

So glad I live a long, long way away from there.