NEWS: No Running on the Playground, Ya Crazy Kids

CULTURE: No Running on the Playground...You'll Poke Your Eye Out!

And no swinging, either. Or climbing. Or sliding, or merry-go-rounding or tether-balling or playing of tag, for that matter. Hey, goshdarnit, no moving! Just breathe. In and out, in and out.

Now just sit there quietly on the rubber floor and play a video game or map out a gameplan for naptime or something. Later, we're going to have you all fitted for full-body padding and helmets. Then, we'll head to Mickey D's to celebrate the fact that you will never, ever get hurt again! Yippee!

Bobby!!!—no sudden movements. Butt on the rubber bench, kiddo. I know you're excited about all of this, but we don't want you to pull a muscle or scrape a knee or anything.

Absurd? Yes. Reality? Uh huh. It seems that when they aren't buying their kids video games or feeding them unhealthy snacks, a growing faction of American parents and school districts are fighting to further immobilize their children by essentially criminalizing playgrounds.

O, the cruel crisis of chains! Let's destroy those evil contraptions! We can dip into Dad's arsenal and blow 'em away with his handgun. And while we're at it, we should eliminate sidewalks, too. I still have a scar on my knee from the time I was rollerskating and fell on the sidewalk.

Realistically, I'd be a much happier, more well-adjusted person today if I'd been eating some supersized fries and had fallen onto rubber flooring on account of my obesity rather than having been subjected to a rollerskating accident. Then, in my nearly-spherical form, I'd have been able to roll around for what feels like forever until inertia kicked in, because I sure as hell wouldn't have been doing any kicking myself. Thank goodness today's parents and teachers are wise enough to prevent their kids from getting into real trouble.

Damn lawyers, and sue-happy parents. Someone neeeds to tell these poeple that sometimes you get hurt, and its no ones fault but your own. The real world doesnt have padded everything, and not much is sugar coated.
Life is tough get used to it and get up and move on, and dont do it again.

They took away the slide when I was in grade school, and the swings, and the monkey bars, and the geodesic dome, and the merry go round, and all the rest of it. Fuckers.

I've noticed this decline ever since I was about 10. First, they stopped having merry-go-rounds. Then se-saws. Then open-top slides. Then the big slides all together (there used to be one in my town that was like 50 feet long. It was wicked pissah). Then they got rid of those two-floor playgrounds, and replaced them with ones that were like no more then 10 feet tall. Then went the monkey bars. Then they stopped being made of wood and were replaced by those metallic ones because the wood was treated with something toxic (which would be a problem if you sit there, like, licking the wood). Then they stopped allowing sand and replaced them with woodchips (which hurt SO much more), or rubber mats (which are so lame). If you don’t want your kid hurt, tell the teachers that he cant play on the equipment, that he has to stay inside and draw or something. Don’t fuck it up for those of us who want their children to do what natured intended them to (running around like idiots and having a ball).

Edit:

Jesus. No RUNNING? I am trying to picture that. All I can see is kids standing around in a field looking at one another. Mooing.

GAH! i want to go play SO bad now.

[Edited on May 11, 2006 by TheRedBaron]

they took away our merry-go-round when i was in grade school, too. everyone just sad around the playground in mourning.

parents of the world: KIDS GET HURT. that's how they learn things. just because you're afraid of getting a scratch doesn't mean your kids are. let them explore and discover and quit being such pricks.

[Edited on May 11, 2006 by Dove]

it's so sad they changed my childhood park, taking away the zipline and the metal slides and tire swing and sand. the SAND! they replaced it with wood chips. who the fuck would rather fall on wood chips than sand? gah. makes me sad. everything's all plastic and lame.

".....this used to be my playground"

Ha!!!!

Note to parents: Not only do kids sometimes get hurt, they *should* sometimes get hurt. They should eat some paste and some dirt. They should get into fights and call each other bad names sometimes. They should run and jump and play, and if that means that sometimes they'll skin their knees and twist their ankles and fall off the swings and break an arm, *good*.

Oh, and under no circumstances should they be given everything they want. They need to hear the word "no" on a regular basis.

Lastly, you parents with lots of $$, there is no reason to give your kids a trust fund. They'll just grow up to be jerks. Make they work their way through college and get a crappy job at some point in their life. It'll give them respect for the things that the have and the people who wash their dishes/serve their food.

[/soapbox]

All children must be fat!

And I think you know why...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070723/

Parenthood is a state of continual fear. That's how it is.

when my little brother was in elementary school, his principal had the the merry-go-round removed because kids were getting dizzy...

edited to add:

here's a sort-of related article i stumbled upon a couple of years ago... i'm so glad i still have this.

http://espn.go.com/page2/s/caple/020626.html

[Edited on May 11, 2006 5:57PM]

and thus the pussyfying of the younger generations continue.

my elementary schhol playground was awesome. a big giant metal slide that was so high in the air. swings that we used to jump off of in mid-flight. monkey bars that had stone instead of dirt under the set. it is a shame that this is happening. parents needs to understand that life isn't safe, and that a child needs to expierance these things.

i generally feel bad for the kids these days

i really fear for the future generations cause of this and all the other things that children today are "not allowed" to do cause they'll hurt themselves...

That last sentence defines every playground in the Bay Area that I grew up with.

The one time I was seriously injured on a playground was in second grade trying to slide down one of those fireman's poles. I must of not grasped it right and hit my head on the way down giving me a concussion, I woke up in the nurses office.

I think playgrounds should have things that are age apporpriate for the children that are playing on them, it's kind of an issue though if it's a public playground, I remember other kids complaining how the little kids ruin it for everyone.

The no running thing is so stupid though and the wood chips, if you fell in them won't they stick in your knees and cause little cuts?

There used to be an ace zipline at a park near me, I was soooooooooooo gutted when it went away, they were the best.

Because it's better for our children to be injury free now, and build a sedentary, heart-disease life with poor eating and excersize habits for later. That way America can be the most obese country in the world!

Oh wait. Too late.

http://suicidegirls.com/boards/Current+Events/77074/

I made it out of elementary school all right!

Sadly, however, there were at least two dozen casualties on the playground that year...

(In other words, you've got to be fucking kidding me.)

More local-news fear-mongering. That article gives no indication how widespread these regulations are or what organization these "safety advocates" represent. For all we know, this group of "safety advocates" could be doing their work from Arkham Asylum.

This kind of article is no different from the stories I saw on the news of the dangers of "porncasting" and backmasking on Britney Spears and Eminem albums. (Incidentally, the message they found on Eminem's "My Name Is..." was a reversal of "Hi, my name is, what, my name is, who, my name is..." The message they found was, "It's Eminem, it's Eminem, it's Eminem." )

I hate local news organizations. They do such bullshit reporting.

This is pretty sad. Whenever I take my kids to a playground, I'm the only parent there. I NEVER see any kids playing outside anymore....and I'm LOOKING, because I want my kids to meet other kids and make with the friendships. But, that doesn't happen. Now, playgrounds are just a place for teenagers to hang out in late at night and smoke cigarettes when their parents are looking.

PS - I make my little brother foam covered PVC swords whenever he asks. They're not quite as hardcore as actual sticks, but fuck it, they teach important elements of swordfighting, like don't get hit in the head and keep hitting the other guy until he drops his sword.

I remember my old playground having the sharpest gravel you could possibly imagine, and tearing my knee open once after tripping over the climbing frame. It was excellent.