NEWS: Can You Hear Me Now?

CULTURE: Can You Hear Me Now?

Wait, one sec—Old Faithful is erupting, and that fucker is kinda loud... Okay, can you hear me now? Good, because I'm going to sing you a song. It's a modern interpretation of an ol' ditty that my grandpappy taught me back in the day, and it goes a little something like this:

"Oh, give me a home, where my cell phone can roam, and the deer and the antelope play, where seldom is heard an indistinct word, and the skies receive signals all day!"

I'm thinking about pitching it to the officials at Yellowstone National Park as a potential tourism campaign theme song. It's really a perfect jingle, considering that they're hard at work on the expansion of wireless towers, antennas and TV and radio services in the popular "protected" natural wonder.

Unsurprisingly, this particular wireless plan isn't receiving great reception with the folks at PEER—the Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility.

I guess I can see where these renegade, tree-huggin’, patchouli-wearin’ PEER people are coming from, but do they live under a big mossy rock? Get with the program, Greenies! It’s the 21st Century! Nobody wants peace and quiet, anymore. Nobody wants solitude, nobody wants to get away from it all. And nobody wants *coughcoughgagpuke* preservation. When the American People go take a hard-earned load off in our National Parks, they want fantastic landscapes, steaming geysers, trees and rocks and wireless access! They want to be able to call their Great Aunt Hilda in Peoria, even if it means exposing themselves to elevated radio frequency radiation levels! They want to text message the office! They want to snap pictures of elk and deer on their camera phones! What else is modern technology for, if not as an ever-growing barrier between humankind and the natural world? Can you hear me now!?

Obviously it's important to have cellphone access in case of emergencies

"Hey, it's me. Yeah, I'm at Yellowstone. I'm walking by, like, a whole bunch of trees and shit. It's really beautiful. There's like a Faithful geyser and shit too. What, they voted Paris off this week? Lamesters!! Oh wow, theres a great waterfall-dealy like right in front of my face. It's, um, oh whats the word, awesome. Yeah. Awesome. Oh yeah? Well, I'm Tivo-ing Top Model this week. Weird, there's like a bunch of hippies staring at me. Never seen a cell phone before, hahhaha. Ewww...I just put my Uggs in some doody or dirt or something. I need a Coolatta bad. Oh, wait...call waiting!! Text Me! Kisses!"

[Edited on May 04, 2006 by PointBlank]

Double posts kill the funny.

[Edited on May 04, 2006 by PointBlank]

I donno, if I was getting eaten alive by a bear, I'd probably like to tell someone about it... I mean I love the Discovery Channel, but I don't exactly want a Yellowstone special in the name of my bravery and sacrifce of a limb or two.

my dad had a heart attack in yellowstone park.. sure wished their cellphone worked then.

luckily him and my mom were only a short drive from the med center and they air lifted him to a hospital.

"Observe the Verizon tower in its natural habitat... Now, we must tread carefully lest we rouse it from its natural serenity. Oh! Look! It's giving birth to a wi-fi signal! Truly we stand in witness of nature's majesty."

I don't know, it seems like a pretty good idea to be able to use a cell phone in case of emergencies.

if some one wants to dissconnect from the world its as easy as turning the cell phone off... bloody hippies


i get what there worryed aobut....if they go tree hugging they might accidntly hug a tower...they make them look like trees now you know

[Edited on May 04, 2006 by Ojai]

Well... yeah, I think that pretty much is what Joe Public wants. I'm not sure there really are that many people anymore for whom the phrase "get away from it all" really means "get away from it all".

I think, in general, most people want to "get away from it all, and bring most of the conveniences of 'it all' with me."

They do, I saw one just the other day. Standing tree like, proud and plastic in the park. Working away, giving clear mobile phone network to those who live at the bottom of the Dublin mountains!! Beautiful thing, Nature...