NEWS: You Gotta Lick It...Before You Kick It. (Enemy-Ass, That Is).

CULTURE: You Gotta Lick It...Before You Kick It. (Enemy-Ass, That Is).

Okay, so maybe you can tie a maraschino cherry stem in a knot, but I'll bet you can't sense sonar and achieve 360-degree underwater night vision using only that vulgar little tongue of yours.

There won't be anything tongue-in-cheek about the presentation that researchers at the Florida Institute for Human and Machine Cognition have planned for the Navy and Marine Corps divers in May. The U.S. government is always looking for soldiers who can take a licking and keep on ticking, and the IHMC scientists believe that the Brain Port, originally developed 30 years ago by Dr. Paul Bach-y-Rita, is just the thing to lick the toughest soldiers into superhuman shape.

We've all heard of the Mother Ship—well, this is the Mother Tongue. A "tactile tongue-based, electrical sensor," the device literally routes "spatial information through the tongue to the brain." If that's too much of a tongue twister for you, think of it simply as sensory substitution: seeing through the tongue or skin, for example. The device has been used successfully with patients who suffer from damaged faculties, and assuming that the military finds the technology to be mouthwatering, it could be in official use lickety-split—we're talking three to six months from now.



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Sweet! Now maybe I can find the clitoris!


Daniel

That sounds really weird.

fucking a right! im joining the army soon, too... hope i can test some of these

If only the cure for cancer had military applications...

Holy christ I want one of those, and I have 20/20 vision. Who doesn't want fricking sonar and nightvision?

We're not Post-Modern, We're Now==Future.

Invent a Cancer Bomb.

So now "sweet" will be a direction like left?

No, that would take Google Tongue.

That's pretty fucking sweet, I'm not gonna lie.

does this mean I will see something special while I give vegemite oral? Now that would be neat... I could watch and listen to Pink floyd while performing oral...