NEWS: Tom, Please Choke on Katie’s Binky Already

Whoever wrote this tidbit for the news section is quite funny. Especially I like the outro sentence. The 'history of fear' thing made me laugh.

Tom Cruise has topped Mel Gibson.

He topped Mel long ago when he began taking it up the ass from Old Man Hubbard. Mel might not be all there, but at least he's behind an actual religion.

[Edited on Apr 15, 2006 by Zoom]

Touche. I heard Pfizer's working on one, though.

HAAAAAHAHAHAHA! IT'S A MADE-UP RELIGION!

Oh yeah, they all are...

i hate him so

pssst.. they're engaged only.. no actual marraige yet

You know, looking over those statements, I don't see anything wrong with them. Well...okay, that's a lie. There's no conceivable reason for being silent during a birth, and he doesn't make any sort of case for it. But I can't say that reading that affects my feelings towards him either way. It seems like a predictable defense for a batshit nuts religious practice.

Somebody just said 'actual religion'?

And holy shit, you know, I think that Tom Cruise is actually on his way to taking Marlon Brando's place as the Dennis Hopper of old people. Wait until Tom's gray, it'll fucking happen.

And if Katie is still with him, by that time she'll be like that girl who did the GAP ads, who had her own show a little while ago, with the blond hair and the marketable chest, and she's like 600 pounds; I forget her name. Anna something. But Katie will be out of her fucking mind too, instead of just a little bit. Whatever, long live their relationship, and maybe when that kid from Sixth Sense is a little older he'll play Tom in a tearful biopic directed by Steven Spielberg, who I have a feeling will live for fucking ever, making the same shitty film over and over and over and over and over again.

Tom Cruise should actually be in every Spielberg film from now on. Star power. Cash. Badass.

Isn't Dennis Hopper the "Dennis Hopper of old people"? Hopper is just batshit psycho, Tom is a batshit psycho overzealous enemy of Xenu...

Well, I didn't exactly mean he'd be like Dennis Hopper, because nobody needs to look too far into Tom's future to know he hasn't the guts to be dangerous in any way but solid lawsuiting. So I guess he's just on his way to giving the kind of interviews that Marlon Brando did, and thinking the whole world is right there on the same upper-level and equally upper non-existent page as he is. He's just out of his mind. Mel Gibson should feature Tom in his movies, too, on every poster even if he's not in the film.

And if possible, he should write me a check for a lot of money because I could really use it, and that would be pretty cool of Tom, Spielberg, Mel Gibson or Brando's estate.

+1

She did Guess ads...