NEWS: John Kerry: Celery Hater

CELEB: John Kerry: Celery Hater

In the spirit of bipartisan reporting, The Smoking Gun has released tour riders used by the Massachusetts Senator’s advance team during his campaign tour. The documents were given to the site by a member of Kerry’s advance team.

As a student of nutrition, I can tell you that the Senator’s avoidance of tomato products indicates heartburn triggers, although the site has used the request to poke fun of the possible irony of his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry’s nine-figure ketchup empire.

Also, there are specifications that all pay-per-view and phone lines should be enabled prior to the Senator’s arrival.

Very happy? I am too jaded for that one.

And by "pay-per-view" he means "College Co-ed Sweethearts Vol. 3".

They've always said it's lonely on the campaign trail...

Also, celery is not good. It tastes like celery. Which is gross.

It's my understanding that celery is supposed to make your spooge taste better. I'm just sayin'.

It's not supposed to taste better, it's supposed to be that if you eat a bunch of celery, you ejaculate massive amounts. Since I don't find ejaculating tons a big turn-on, I've never bothered with testing it. Although according to people who do care about such things, there are vitamin supplements that do a much better job than the shit-ton of celery you'd have to eat to get the same effect.

Pineapple juice is what I've always heard was the flavor-changer.

It does. Celery is one of those wonderful things that cleans you out. It does not take on the flavor of celery, but it detoxes other unsavory flavors.

Also true. Wow, the merits of my education...

[Edited on Mar 27, 2006 by lilyk]

I actually looked and saw that there was also a flavor changing element, but since kiwi and pineapple are also listed and those taste good, I'd rather stick with those and go to bananas for potassium.

But, he enjoys celery in his car and/or van?

That is the part for his wife. His hatred is clearly noted on page one.

All that will stick with me from this thread is that lilyk seems to have dropped the "Fee-Dub" guy from her profile pic. That gets a " ".

You're complaining about nudity?

Holy crap, time to stock up on pineapple juice and celery!

I was thinking "Reporting For Booty"



[Edited on Mar 28, 2006 by PointBlank]

yet again, never ceases to amaze me the random items this site will have me learn.

also to note, zinc pills will help increase the amount. ... or you can always just start sucking back more oysters.

edit: my cursor placement, sucks.

[Edited on Mar 28, 2006 by zenFish]

Why would you want to increase the amount???

/shrugs/ one day it won't do sweet f'all, might as well enjoy it now.... well that sounds horribly wrong... *saunters away*

i like celery

It's a question that I can't answer, but I've seen at least two threads off the top of my head on the internet about how to ejaculate more. I think it's supposedly to be more intense because the more you ejaculate, the more muscles are stimulated during the act.

Apparently he realizes that celery makes your underwear fall down.

Well no wonder he lost with out the support of the powerfull celery loby.