When and how did you lose your innocence?

It was either the first time I listened to N.W.A., or that time my brother took me along with him to sell a 20 sack. I was 7 years old.

In 6th grade, when me being goofy and friendly suddenly translated to every guy in the school calling me gay.

About 17, in the height of my depression (mostly brought about because of the first thing, go figure), crying for hours in the dark and wanting to die. With nowhere else to turn, I desperately asked god for a sign that he was there or he cared about me or something. Got nothing. I'm sure religious people will tell me that's unfair to ask, or any number of explanations. But that's my moment. It probably helped to kick me into shape, though. I'm much better now.

dude...that is sad! and we would probably have gotten along great in HS, mine was the same way

When my birth mom walked my twin brother and I into an office in Norwalk, Connecticut when we were two years old and told us that she was not going to be back. She talked with the social worker and then left as we played with toys that were in the corner of the office and then when awhile later when it got dark I stood up and toddled over looking for my mom and the lady said "Don't you remember sshe said she wasn't coming back?" I was al "no." I go back and tell my brother and we sit there in the corner some more and play with toys.

Post Script:
I found my birthdad this year and found out that she had had his parental rights tqken away and lied to his family saying she would never put us up for adoption and then two weeks after she took us back to live with her (we were living with his sister and brother-in-law with their two kids and surviving on 3.05 an hour and she was receiving welfare for three kids and only had one with her and refused to help them out and she told them she would never put us up for adoption but had needed a break) she had gotten his rights away as he was in court ordered rehab and had put us up w/out telling anyone but two of her sisters. They don't even stick up for her. I always idealized meeting her and now I know I don't want to meet her knowing that she left our older brother 6 years later, lives in the same town still as he did when he was a kid, just left him at the sitter's and never came back for him and he still sees her from time to time. She had another kid and put him up for adoption and then had another girl who she has kept. Sadly for the past 18 years she has been a crack addict so I feel badly for the girl who is maybe 12 or 15 or so.

[Edited on Mar 21, 2006 by Blossom]

When my Grandmother tried to get me steal Alcohol from my house for her.

I was 12.

I sold it on ebay.

I was about 11 when I was laying in bed letting my mind wander when suddenly I just "understood" the finality of death and the inevitablity of eternal non-existence. I ran screaming out into the lounge where my parents were entertaining dinner guests. I was hysterical and inconsolable. Ever since that day I have wondered why everyone isn't running around screaming hysterically all the time.

Fearing that I would not follow in his footsteps, my father raised me in a wealthy and pleasure-filled palace in order to shield me from any experience of human misery or suffering.

However, I left the palace one day and saw a sick man, a poor man, a beggar, and a corpse. I was filled with infinite sorrow for the suffering that humanity has to undergo.

The day I realized that trust is an illusion. I belive I was 5.

lol

i often wonder the same thing....seriously

God and Satan took me into their office for a meeting before I was born:

God: Hi, foppycock, I bet you're wondering why we've brought you here.
Satan: Yeah.
fpkk: Er... not really.
God: Well, as it happens the president's plane has gone down over Manhattan Island and we want you to go in and rescue him or we'll explode your veins.
Satan: Yeah.
fpkk: Are you sure that's not the plot of the as yet unmade John Carpenter cheeseball pulp Sci Fi thriller Escape From New York?
God: (shuffles papers.) Oh. Yesh. That's er... Ah, foppycock. Yes we'd like someone to go to earth and fuck shit up and bring about the apocalypse.
Satan: Yeah.
fpkk: Oh Wow! Neat!
God: Oh no, it's not you. We just brought you in here to tell you that men insert their penises into women's vaginas to make babies and there is no Santa Claus.
Satan: Yeah.
fpkk: (lip trembling) Is... is... that all?
God: What? You don't think that's enough?
Satan: Yeah.
fpkk: I suppose.
God: Right, then, toddle off and get born, there's a good chap.
Satan: Yeah.


And that's how it went down.

I'd been in a deep and unrequited love for... three or years now. I was saving myself completely for this girl: virginity, first kiss, first relationship, the works. I turned down hot and/or permiscous girls all throughout hi-school for her. Eventually I got her to come to the one (and only) party at my house and proceeded to drink tequila from the bottle in order to grow courage as I was the most romantic, shy, innocent, ideal boy you could imagine. I didn't even enjoy alchohol and had been avoiding the pressure of my peers for over a year, but consumed it to become charming to my love as was an utterly retarded idea but completely sencical when you're in hi-school.

regardless, my cowardice remained stronger than my tolerance and it certainly didn't help that I was drinking tequila. from the bottle. IN A HOT TUB.

I tried and I choked and lost in the introspective nightmare I fell into, I failed to avoid the path of the party's poster girl of permiscuisity. It took seconds to register but it was still too late and her tongue had been in my mouth. My first kiss was a completely random, unimportant encounter beyond stripped of meaning for she was kissing another boy three feet from me immediately prior and and then another boy immediately afterwards.

Until that moment I was pristine and my path was straight and narrow (although difficult) but my reaction speed was too slow and I lost it, I spent most the night crying to a close friend, the only time I've ever really fucking cried.

My life was ruined. Nothing mattered anymore, within a few weeks I just let someone take my virginity because they'd been trying for months and it just didn't matter anymore.

Thats odd.. I figured that out when I was 7 or 8 but still felt innocent. In fact I think being innocent makes it easier to discover... I'll have to think on this some more.


... apon thinking on it more I disovered that eternal non-existance, wasn't inevitably going to happen but was unavoidably always... exisiting

This thread is so sad. It brought up so many of the incidents that helped shatter my innocence. I think you're all great for sharing these here. I don't even have the courage to share all of mine with my husband of almost 11 years. Hell, I can't even bring myself to write them down in my own journal since that would mean I'd have to find a way to come to terms with them all myself.

-when i was about 3 or 4 and learning to write my name, my mom spanked me viciously because i had written a letter backwards. i never trusted her again.

-when i was about 8 and people in school (i went to school in a very small, closeminded town) started making fun of me because my mom was single, my sister and i have different fathers, and i don't know mine

-when i was 10, my mom took my sister and i to riverside, and i wanted this big slushy drink that probably cost 5 bucks, and my mom told me no, and i threw a fit. later that day my sister took me aside and told me that we were poor, and that mom had saved up for months just to be able to take us to the park for the day

-when i was 11 and saw my sister with slices all over her arms and legs

-the last of it went when i was 13 or so and tried to kill myself for the first time. my mom told me to suck it up, and deal with it, cus life sucked. this is when i realized that not only was my sister the favorite, but that i was a bad mistake

Reading this thread, I think I was born bad. I can't remember a time when I ever truly believed in Santa or god (maybe I did and I was too young to remember now), even though my parents believe in god. And my parents were very open in telling me about sex since the first time I asked about babies so I don't remember learning about that. And they got divorced when I was 3, so it was always more uncomfortable seeing them together than apart because I just didn't think they belonged together. And I was a bully all through elementary school and I'd often cry myself to sleep because I couldn't stop hurting people. As for losing your "naive and ignorant view of the world," there's always more to learn, so it follows that you'll always be ignorant of something. There are gigantic seas of pain that you will never swim in. There are atmospheres of revelation that you will never breathe.

LokisChild said:


-when i was 10, my mom took my sister and i to riverside, and i wanted this big slushy drink that probably cost 5 bucks, and my mom told me no, and i threw a fit. later that day my sister took me aside and told me that we were poor, and that mom had saved up for months just to be able to take us to the park for the day


Man, that one really hits home for me...

Want some more replies...maybe?