Signs a movie is going to suck.

If a movie has to many commercials or no commercials!

"It was AWESOME!!!"

"Man, you watchin it and it was like BOOM! right there...."

"My husband and I loved it, didn't we?" "Oh yea, you gotta see it...I'm telling everyone about it"

"I love the part when he's like "Feel the steel, McNeel' hahaha"

"Danny was totally hot oh my god" "hehehehe" "He's dreamy!"

"Yo, you gotta check this movie out, dog - it's the rizzle dizzle..."

"THIS MOVIE ROCKS!"



[Edited on Feb 24, 2006 by IKCSmiley]

When the best reviews they can find are from a radio station DJ in Big Rock, Idado.

[Edited on Feb 24, 2006 by IKCSmiley]

Larry King "loved it!"

it will surely be a piece of shit.

at least it's a "name". i love it when i see:

"a wild thrill-ride" - Fox TV

I don't know that Tom Cruise automatically makes a movie bad. I will say he (and Keanu. And a few others) drags down any movie he's in, but all the same Minority Report was really, really good.

And there have been others.

If it's a horror movie that's not reviewed and I've never heard of it, that's *never* a good sign.
Actually, these days if it's a horror movie and it's not from Japan.

Proof Positive: Directed By Michael Bay. Usually with Jerry Bruckheimer egging him on: "Fuck dialogue or plot, we need more explosions!"

ummm...i'm going to have to disagree with you on this one...most of the japanese horror films i've seen have been pretty horrible

and i'd like to add:
Christina Ricci in anything but Addams Family...cus Addams family kicked more ass than I can say....

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned, or even if I've already mentioned it, but you can ALWAYS tell whether a movie is going to suck by how prominently the names of the reviewer or news organization that gave it a favorable view is displayed in relation to the quote, and whether the reviewer is someone reputable everyone has heard from.

For example.

Good movie:
"THE NEW YORK TIMES says 'Best comedy of the year!'"

Bad Movie:
"'BEST COMEDY OF THE YEAR!' - [Then, in tiny letters:] WKNU-TV, Arkansas"

Swear to God. I've been telling people this for years, I don't know why it hasn't caught on.

[Edited on Feb 24, 2006 by Keith]

generally, if the trailer has narration, the movie will blow hard... good movies are strong enough to rely on their actual scenes interjected with some title cards.

also... if the narration essentially reads like a synopsis... it's a hint that the movie is overly simplistic.

not necessarily.
nanny mcphee did this, and so did harry potter, i believe.
don't get me wrong.. i think these movies blow, but they got very solid reviews.

If the people involved are talked about more than the movie itself:

"From the Director of _____ and _______, starring academy award winner _____, and nominee _____. "

If it's introduced by "the voice" in the trailer. I don't know why, but the disembodied VOICE spells trouble.

Tom Hanks? Are you fucking kidding?

Thank you.

Any movie that has some sort of slow-motion shot in the trailer. Because *that's the moment everything CHANGED!*

Any rapstar turned actor with a lead credit
Any rapstar/martial arts actor movie
Any remake of the parent trap
Any Hugh Grant/ Julia Roberts movie

If it's a comedy and they can't even find enough funny jokes or gags to fill the 60-second trailer.

It's more complicated than that.

yeah... or Wings Hauser

or when you watch a movie, only to realize that every single half-way good part was in the trailer, lo.

Or you find out that you didn't even need to watch the movie, the trailer explained it all.

Or even better, the trailer made it out to be a movie about a girl boxer and it turns out to be a manipulative piece of crap.