Signs a movie is going to suck.

We've all seen them - movies that you just know are going to suck. To save us all from making horrible viewing mistakes, I think we should compile a list of danger signs.

My first warning:
Director Uwe Bol - The man who brought us such cinematic turds as 'Alone in the Dark' and 'House of the Dead'.

if it contains the word

sisterhood

Romantic comedy with a delightfully quirky, but generally inoffensive female lead. Quirks are no substitute for a personality!

FROM THE WRITERS OF SCARY MOVIE.

If the trailer has any scenes of street luge, you know it's going to suck. HARD.

If it stars Steve Martin and it's a remake of The Pink Panther.

Hugh Grant.

Oh, any trailer that uses "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" or outdated hip hop as the background music.

If it's directed by Rob Cohen, or Simon West.

If it has Will Ferrel.

If it's based on any urban legend involving a teenager being all alone in a house... or are they?

If you don't see a preview for it until the week it opens...that's usually a bad sign.

And the upcoming Rocky Balboa.

no pre-release press screening

It shows up repeatedly in a Yahoo! search banner.

it has Tom Cruise in it.

Considering Hollywood's recent track record, if it's being released at all.

if the words
"Ben Afleck"
appear above the title.

Never saw "Alone in the dark" but watched HOTD on a movie channel once and was entertained for 2 hours at just how crappy a movie can be and marveled at how it got released all across the country and the director thought it was good in
ANY respect.

Which leads to my next point
Dont go to movies based on videogames, horrible track record.

It's showing at a multiplex.

fucking blasphemy!

When Lindsey Lohan and Jared Leto try to do a John Lennon Movie.

Chapter 27

It's based on a video game.

When it does Not have any of the following;

Snakes
Planes

double true

Vin Diesel.

AOL promotes it.

I'd watch any film that guy made, for serious. His films are masterpieces, even for all the wrong reasons. House Of The Dead is pure entertainment from start to finish, although if you're looking for classical cinema, then you're probably watching it for all the wrong reasons.

My nomination is pretty obvious.



Except the 'Burbs, naturally.