Friend's Problem... I swear!!!

I'm usually pretty good about figuring out an at least half assed solution to the problems my friends have, but this time, I'm fuckin stumped... I met him in IOP, and unlike me, all his legal shit is through drug court, so in order to stay out of jail, he has to adhear to some fairly (at least what I would call) unreasonable expectations... On top of everything, they want him to go into clean and sober housing (group homes, in-patient, Oxford house, etc.)... He can still go to work, but he's married and has never faced this kind of separation from his spouse in their 3 years of marriage... Now if there ever was a trigger to use, goddamn... They have a marriage counselor who was petitioned the court since such a seperation in addition to the issues that his addiction has brought up could be detrimental to their otherwise healthy relationship... Needless to say, the court could care less and he's been quite depressed lately... He can postpone the process for a few months, but the 30 days of clean and sober housing is inevitable... I'm not married, and I think for the good of the world, it should stay that way, but he hasn't exactly received any solace from those who are... To reiterate, I'm fucking stumped... Any ideas???

Sounds like he is just going to have to suck it up. It's a month, I think he can deal with it. This is what happens when you get caught breaking the law. They have a thing about punishing you for it. It sucks, but it's hardly the end of the world.

Let's see... 30 days away from his spouse, keeping his job, and living in a clean-and-sober living arrangement... or going to jail for an unspecified amount of time.

Tell your friend to suck it the fuck up, and if he's got depression issues, he needs to see a psychotherapist (which the clean-and-sober living house people may be able to set him up with).

If it were for the greater good I would suck it up and spend the 30 days at a recovery house. Jesus, it's not that long. My husband could wait and when I got back we could have some awesome sex.

Just say no to drugs.

I agree! He'll have to suck it up!

My spouse and I have been separated for over 8 months now...not because he broke the law but because he is in Iraq. I'm surviving...he's surviving! 30 days is nothin!

Thirty days is really not that long.

That's one menstrual cycle. Jesus dude. Get over it.

Any real marriage should be able to survive 30 days apart. If he returns to find she has run off to be the queen of the pygmy sex circus, then they had other issues anyway.

You could tell him to stop breaking the law, for starters.

You could spend 30 days just googling "pygmy sex circus."

Tell him to bite the bullet and get it over with.

Sadly, fighting the government will get you nowhere but frustrated.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder innit?

I thought abscesses made the heart grow fonder.

No....abstinance makes the fart go "HONDA!"

Tell him to buy her a nice vibrator and go do what he has to do.

Word.

You could... you know... keep his wife warm at night while he is gone. That'd teach him not to play with drugs.

You can tell people to suck it up, but some people are unlike those who can... I'd like to think I could, but he's going to have to... I mean, this will happen, and sure 30 days isn't that long... He's already past the acceptance part... I was thinking more of things to ease the pain, so to speak... Some people can handle months, some people can't handle days... 30 days doesn't seem long, but keep in mind, that is coming from your perception (and mine really, but fuckin hell, I'm not married), not his... As for the breaking the law thing, have you ever been a drug addict??? Yeah, this guy doesn't exactly break into houses or hold up liquor stores... I don't buy the powerless element of AA and other forms of treatment, but Jesus... I've been arrested three times, never sober... I can honestly say that I would never do anything else that would land me in jail... I don't steal, cheat, vandalize, and I'm not a violent person... Yet I'm lookin at jail time because I'm not the same type of person when I'm using... Decent people become addicts...

Is the wife allowed to visit him at all? That's about the best I can suggest.

Also, all you "suck it up" people, how many recovering addicts are really good at "sucking it up"? Its not that he cannot bear to be separated, its that it certainly doesn't help his dependancy issues. Pile depression on top of that, and any instability is bad. I am pretty disappointed in all of you looking down from your fucking high horse.

It's not looking down from a high horse, it's simply stating that he should do what he needs to do. It's much better than saying to take the wife and skip town.

Hey, man, I told him to get a therapist. Dude needs recovery and professional help, not sympathy and validation of his victimhood from idiots on a porn site. *shrug* It's not a high horse I'm on so much as a "I don't care about his feelings, here's some facts" horse.

[Edited on Jan 31, 2006 by Shalome]

It didn't seem that he was looking for sympathy, just suggestions. Its no big deal. I see that folks on this site are usually understanding about things like depression and drug use. This time there seemed to be an unusual amount of venemous "pffft what a loser ... get over it!"

I guess I am just a little surprised.