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10/5/05

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mat8drb

mat8drb

United Kingdom
October 2004

OCT 02, 2005 02:28 PM

Shows like Friends and Coupling are all wrong. It isn't five friends you need to get through life, it is eighteen close friends and relatives that supply practical and emotional support, a study has shown.

[The] study challenges the perception that family structures are breaking down and that people rely far less on support from relatives than in the past. The researchers discovered that people are employing sophisticated combinations of friends and family to support them, depending on their current needs.

Networks may range from siblings, who might give emotional support during a divorce, through to people who become close for a few months by way of a shared pastime such as walking the dog.

“They are friends, but a special kind of friend,” said Ray Pahl, research professor in sociology at the Institute for Social and Economic Research at Essex University.

“For a woman in her thirties, for example, (the network) may include the woman she can rely on to pick up her kids from school if anything goes wrong. At other times in her life, that person will not be in the ‘personal community’.”



This doesn't mean you need to buy less than 18 Christmas cards: people will drift in and out of this network according to needs. The researchers based this on a series of three hour interviews to determine who they lent upon for support. They identified seven different types of networks that we find ourselves in.

In a “friend-like” personal community, a person depends on more friends than family, with close friends at the centre and more casual friends and relations further away.

In “friend-enveloped” communities, on the other hand, close relatives — typically husbands, wives and offspring — are at the very centre. A larger group of friends forms a ring around the family.

The other categories are: “family-like”, in which family members outnumber friends; “family-dependent”, in which friends play a marginal role; “neighbour-based”, which are often formed by older people in tight-knit communities; “partner-focused”, in which a couple keep relatives and friends at a distance; and “professional-dependent”, a group typically including older people in which the most important friends are carers or social workers.



What the report doesn't go into is if the internet contributes to this, or people can find that kind of support through, well, sites like this. It'd be interesting to see that taken into account, to possibly create an additional group.

sonicreducr

sonicreducr

Washington, DC
October 2004

OCT 02, 2005 02:36 PM

well damn.... that makes me about.... 18 short

Vestril

Vestril

Coronado, CA
February 2003

OCT 02, 2005 02:48 PM

Hank said:
well damn.... that makes me about.... 18 short



For some reason I came up with 19 short. I've checked and re-checked the math, but it always comes out to 19 short. frown

wottan

wottan

Vancouver, BC
July 2004

OCT 02, 2005 03:20 PM

Im definetly a 'friend-enveloped' person. WHile I really enjoy my friends and love spending time with them, my family is just in a different league.

[Edited on Oct 02, 2005 by wottan]

cdt21

cdt21

United Kingdom
November 2004

OCT 02, 2005 03:22 PM

Whoa let's roll back to square one what's the definition of a friend? versus say an acquaintance? Some of the examples above seem to depend on both. Your parents may not be your friends etc.

Personally I find my Friends on this site are very much an integral part of my life, they're important to me and I hope I'm a good support to them in whatever way.


smile

mrpenbrook

mrpenbrook

Oak Park, IL
February 2004

OCT 02, 2005 03:31 PM

Vestril said:

Hank said:
well damn.... that makes me about.... 18 short



For some reason I came up with 19 short. I've checked and re-checked the math, but it always comes out to 19 short. frown



Aha, I might know what's going on here. Not only are you short 18 friends, but I think you might have an arch-enemy. Having an arch-enemy counts as -1 friends.

DrTchock

DrTchock

Montreal, QC
October 2005

OCT 02, 2005 03:38 PM

A good friend is worth 50 aquaintances... according to my calculations.

[Edited on Oct 02, 2005 by Scissorfingers]

Jubalharshaw

Jubalharshaw

Saint Paul, MN
December 2002

OCT 02, 2005 03:43 PM

mrpenbrook said:

Vestril said:

Hank said:
well damn.... that makes me about.... 18 short



For some reason I came up with 19 short. I've checked and re-checked the math, but it always comes out to 19 short. frown



Aha, I might know what's going on here. Not only are you short 18 friends, but I think you might have an arch-enemy. Having an arch-enemy counts as -1 friends.



Great. At this point, I need a CPA to count this for me.

sonicreducr

sonicreducr

Washington, DC
October 2004

OCT 02, 2005 05:09 PM

Oh shit... if you are counting enemies... then I am in the negative hundreds easy.

oddioblender

oddioblender

Fort Worth, TX
September 2005

OCT 02, 2005 05:15 PM

yeah, i'm short also. that's depressing, but my weekend already sucked so it's not like it ruined anything. smile

Raunchy

Raunchy

USA
September 2005

OCT 02, 2005 05:43 PM

i hate humans..... so in the end everyone hates me back, so i think i would just be in an oddity if they would have interviewed me.

- puke

ChocolateJesus

ChocolateJesus

I'm lost
January 2005

OCT 02, 2005 08:09 PM

You know, I've always kind of had a "streamline" philosophy. One or two good friends and a significant other is all you really need. In my amateur opinion.

Short

Short

Sacramento, CA
September 2005

OCT 02, 2005 08:25 PM

any math majors around who can help work this out?

Robotsatemyhair

Robotsatemyhair

Richmond, VA
March 2004

OCT 02, 2005 08:30 PM

I just need someone to sleep in my bed. I don't really have to talk to them.

_Elichrusos

_Elichrusos

Australia
November 2004

OCT 02, 2005 08:30 PM

Coupling is never wrong.

Runpunalpha

Runpunalpha

Portland, OR
March 2005

OCT 02, 2005 09:11 PM

Robotsatemyhair said:
I just need someone to sleep in my bed. I don't really have to talk to them.



I would like to volunteer for that job.

P.S. Agreed, Coupling is not wrong.

[Edited on Oct 02, 2005 by Runpunalpha]

FrankMask

FrankMask

Saint Paul, MN
June 2003

OCT 02, 2005 09:14 PM

So is there an expanded family?

SirPsychoSexy

SirPsychoSexy

Ridgewood, NJ
January 2004

OCT 02, 2005 09:21 PM

Runpunalpha said:

Robotsatemyhair said:
I just need someone to sleep in my bed. I don't really have to talk to them.



I would like to volunteer for that job.

P.S. Agreed, Coupling is not wrong.


I know that giggle-loop thing is real.

TReBlah

TReBlah

I'm lost
March 2005

OCT 02, 2005 09:25 PM

yea i'm fucked then.

StickyRice

StickyRice

Atlanta, GA
January 2003

OCT 02, 2005 11:55 PM

You only need four. Two for each side of the casket.

Pirate_Romeo

Pirate_Romeo

Oklahoma City, OK
November 2004

OCT 03, 2005 08:06 AM

Wanted: Eighteen plus individuals for long term support network. Flexible hours, pay non-existent.
Inquire within.

Lior

Lior

United Kingdom
August 2005

OCT 03, 2005 08:08 AM

Well Im out.

I have no friends! tongue

fpkk

fpkk

United Kingdom
June 2003

OCT 03, 2005 08:37 AM

I am liking the fact that a friend is someone who does something for you and that much after the fashion of episodes of friends they are all referred to as "The one who..."

For my own personal satisfaction I would like:

The One Who Listens To Me Drip On About How Deep/Rubbish This Or That Cult TV Show Is - Check
The One Who Makes Me Feel More Normal By Being More Eccentric Than Me - Check
The One Who Likes To Go Out For The Odd Drink With Me - Situation Vacant Apply Within
The One Who Likes Watching Movies With Me - Check
The One Who Allows Me To Park My Shit In Their House While I Am Between Houses - A thankless task that goes to my mother.
The One Who Makes Me Feel Like Part Of A Loving Relationship - er, Check

And that still leaves me with 12 who would go into a cupboard until I found a use for them, like tealights. Maybe I'm just not demanding enough to have friends.

Kore

Kore

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

OCT 03, 2005 09:05 AM

well, fuck me then. i don't have 18 friends.

Not_a_sicko

Not_a_sicko

Netherlands
September 2005

OCT 03, 2005 09:21 AM

Kore said:
well, fuck me then. i don't have 18 friends.


You have 127 friends on your list, and you still come here for sympathy? For shame!
wink

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