Lifestyle

TOPICS:

Previous

PAGE: 

1 ... 

288 | 289 | 290

 ... 954

Next

Keith

Keith

Hooker, OK
August 2002

SEP 28, 2005 09:20 PM

A classic Emo Phillips bit has been voted the best religious joke of all time:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.


The joke, of course, pokes fun at the incredible sectarianism of Christianity, but the purpose of the contest was more along the lines of current events. The jokes were meant to highlight the fact that it might not even be possible to tell them again in the UK in a few years if new anti-hate crime legislation is enacted:

"It's been very worthwhile collecting and debating all the jokes," says Simon Jenkins, editor of Ship of Fools. "Even though we strongly disagree with some of them, it's important that people are free to tell them, and free to criticise and ridicule religious belief. The government's intention to curb freedom of speech in the religious sphere remains a cause for alarm."

furnacedoor

furnacedoor

I'm lost
September 2003

SEP 28, 2005 09:39 PM

say what? eeek

theseeman

theseeman

Asheville, NC
December 2002

SEP 28, 2005 09:41 PM

Yay Emo Phillips. Boo Emo.

pandamonium

pandamonium

Woodstock, GA
April 2004

SEP 28, 2005 09:58 PM

i grew up Southern Baptist. it's sad to know how accurate that joke is.

Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

SEP 28, 2005 10:03 PM

I saw Emo at Hilarities in Cleveland. He made me blow vodka-tonic out my nose.

MisterSatan

MisterSatan

Portland, OR
August 2002

SEP 28, 2005 10:32 PM

Dudes, trust me when I say that Emo Phillips is one of the funniest humans alive.

AllmightyTallest

AllmightyTallest

Spring Valley, OH
September 2005

SEP 28, 2005 10:37 PM

I feel dumb quoting this but like Prince once sang,"If a man is guilty for what goes on in his mind, then give me the electric chair for all my future crimes." When the hell will politicians realize they can't regulate peoples thoughts with a stupid law. Oh, and Emo is pretty funny, too.

Keith

Keith

Hooker, OK
August 2002

SEP 28, 2005 10:39 PM

Never feel dumb for quoting Prince. biggrin

rodan

rodan

Baltimore, MD
February 2005

SEP 28, 2005 10:50 PM

I love that joke smile

jonasgrumby

jonasgrumby

Alexandria, VA
April 2004

SEP 28, 2005 11:34 PM

theseeman said:
Yay Emo Phillips. Boo Emo.


Whenever someone mentions emo, as in the music, Emo Phillips is always the first thing that pops into my mind...

Tawnya

Tawnya

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

SEP 28, 2005 11:40 PM

jonasgrumby said:

theseeman said:
Yay Emo Phillips. Boo Emo.


Whenever someone mentions emo, as in the music, Emo Phillips is always the first thing that pops into my mind...



I have the same problem. It's probably because they tend to have his haircut as well.

desidia

desidia

Reunion
September 2002

SEP 29, 2005 12:43 AM

His name is Emo? Good joke BTW.

Jeff_Fries

Jeff_Fries

Humptulips, WA
September 2003

SEP 29, 2005 01:22 AM

MisterSatan said:
Dudes, trust me when I say that Emo Phillips is one of the funniest humans alive.


I'd like to but I've seen him and I've heard his delivery. And there's just no way. I'm convinced. No offense.

crispy

crispy

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

SEP 29, 2005 01:35 AM

Every time I see Emo Phillips makes me want to punch him in the head.

[Edited on Sep 29, 2005 by crispy]

pr0ject605

pr0ject605

Pittsburgh, PA
February 2003

SEP 29, 2005 01:49 AM

MisterSatan said:
Dudes, trust me when I say that Emo Phillips is one of the funniest humans alive.



I second this.

abracadabra

abracadabra

Seattle, WA
April 2004

SEP 29, 2005 02:44 AM

crispy said:
Every time I see Emo Phillips makes me want to punch him in the head.

[Edited on Sep 29, 2005 by crispy]



chiil with the violence...fact..girls like humor and non-violent humans..get on the bandwagon and lighten up..emo phillips is funny as fuck

Rar2Fynde

Rar2Fynde

Los Angeles, CA
September 2005

SEP 29, 2005 02:54 AM

razorbladesonata said:

crispy said:
Every time I see Emo Phillips makes me want to punch him in the head.

[Edited on Sep 29, 2005 by crispy]



chiil with the violence...fact..girls like humor and non-violent humans..get on the bandwagon and lighten up..emo phillips is funny as fuck



Emo Phillips is funny, and it is a fact that girls like humor, but I'd quibble with the generalization that girls like non-violent humans. Note all the serial killers & such who get married while in jail.
Which reminds me of an Emo Phillips joke: "I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only using blanks."

NoPantsDave

NoPantsDave

Cincinnati, OH
OLD SKOOL

SEP 29, 2005 04:27 AM

"For a long time when I was kid I prayed and prayed for a new bicycle.....then I realized, God, in his wisdom, doesn't work that way. So, I just stole one and asked him to forgive me."

I love Emo.

Darke

Darke

Columbia, MO
June 2005

SEP 29, 2005 04:38 AM

pandamonium said:
i grew up Southern Baptist. it's sad to know how accurate that joke is.



Me too... curious how a Southern Bapt. ends up becoming an Ishtarian Whore biggrin

Iseult

Iseult

United Kingdom
September 2005

SEP 29, 2005 05:41 AM

It's important to be able to laugh at yourself and even your own religion to an extent. I'm Roman Catholic, (not the best one, I admit; when we fall from grace, we fall hard!) from a big Irish Catholic family and I used to love watching Father Ted, which was a hilarious Irish comedy show, the sole purpose of which was to parody and poke fun at every aspect of Catholicism and the clergy.

Sadly the actor who played Father Ted died some years ago, so no more episodes can ever be made, but I still love it, as do their mostly Catholic audience. It's true that the Church wasn't too pleased with it, but that just added to its appeal if anything. Everyone and everything can appear ridiculous sometimes, even those beliefs that we hold in high esteem and reverence; if you can't laugh at yourself, life will be all too serious.

(edited for typo) biggrin

[Edited on Sep 29, 2005 1:44PM]

splush1

splush1

San Diego, CA
September 2005

SEP 29, 2005 06:23 AM

razorbladesonata said:

crispy said:
Every time I see Emo Phillips makes me want to punch him in the head.

[Edited on Sep 29, 2005 by crispy]



chiil with the violence...fact..girls like humor and non-violent humans..get on the bandwagon and lighten up..emo phillips is funny as fuck



"Women: you can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something..."

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

SEP 29, 2005 06:45 AM

theseeman said:
Yay Emo Phillips. Boo Emo.



+1

Baletempest

Baletempest

United Kingdom
February 2005

SEP 29, 2005 11:13 AM


The jokes were meant to highlight the fact that it might not even be possible to tell them again in the UK in a few years if new anti-hate crime legislation is enacted:



and once again the UK PC squad strikes again... whatever

ferrofluid

ferrofluid

Brooklyn, NY
February 2004

SEP 30, 2005 08:11 AM

i'm so glad that he's still relevant and working.
he's my alltime fav.
with the best advice for anyone with a tendancy toward self destruction..

go for it!

norritt

norritt

Mesa, AZ
December 2002

OCT 08, 2005 01:34 PM

good joke i liked it because a heretic died
smile