NEWS: Man Forced to Have Foursome

Why? Why is this important? People make stupid decisions all the time, but it usually doesn''t result in their rape. Why is it suddenly important to examine the man's actions now, besides blaming him for what happened ti him?

I didn't "jump" to it. My first comment was on the 11th or 12th page. I read the article, read comments, and realized something in the article that had gone relatively ignored. I think this one specific case differs from at least any of the rape situations you mention below. I also wasn't just saying something simply because it had yet to be said. The man's initial decision to get in a vehicle with strangers, regardless of whether he was raped, mugged, or through a better turn of events simply met 3 of the most fascinating women he'd ever meet, I'd still wonder why he got in the car "to give directions".

Of course it can happen in different situations, but they are not all identical.

I guess I just don't understand how someone who gets raped by a good friend can be compared to this man's situation, unless one's definition of a "good friend" is a "total stranger". He wasn't raped by a loved one, a good friend, a relative, or someone he could trust. He also wasn't forced into the car, an alley, or wasn't in his home that was forcibly entered.

To clarify, I don't understand how getting raped by 3 strangers you voluntarily left with is the same as being raped by anyone you "trust'. I think maybe thats my point - that you can't trust a stranger because by definition they are a stranger. You don't know them. You don't know what they are capable of. If even loved ones and people we trust our life to can turn on us, how could anyone trust someone they just met, let alone 3 in car of which the strangers have total control over?

I understand that some things are not preventable, but to say nothing is preventable would just be avoiding any personal responsibility. If that man had not gotten in the car, those women might have likely picked up some other guy and raped him. Their actions wouldn't have been stopped, and it would be just as unfortunate. But I would bet you that first man, upon finding out what happened after, that he'd be pretty damn relieved that he made the decision to not get in that car.

But if rape prevention is "bullshit" then theres apparently a lot of people out there wasting their time trying to educate people. But it should be noted that many of them repeat things like "Don't get into unknown cars or hitchike" and "Become aware of locations and situations where rape is more likely to occur and avoid them, or take precautions". Irrelevant though apparently, because its all "bullshit".

To make sure I understand what you are saying, you know that had he not gotten in the car, he would still have been raped?

But no, its not important. The event itself isn't important to any of us, or shouldn't be, beyond opening some people's eyes to the fact that male rape can happen outside of prison, sexual orientation, and even by women, given that there are a ton of posts that are basically jokes. That newfound awareness you would then assume would lead to prevention. Because really, what difference does it actually make to hear about any crime or any victim beyond awareness and prevention?

So really, it is important and relevant to talk about his actions because maybe theres one more person out there who will think twice about their actions if a car of 3 strangers pulls up and asks for directions.

[Edited on Sep 01, 2005 by evolution]

After all these entries, I realized that, although the victim made a bad decision in getting in the car and drinking with them, I would have done the same - at least getting in the car - I know it's dangerous and so is picking up female hitchhikers but I do that because if I don't, who knows who will. I usually gently remind them of the danger. Anyway, lost women in South Africa I'd probably have taken a chance to make sure nothing happened to them. So I'm an idiot, too. They did a horrible thing to him and there isno excuse for it, particularly not his judgement.

I seriously doubt any guy will read about this story and say "gee, next time I meet a women in a bar I'm NOT going home with her because she's a stranger and could brutally rape me!"

That's like reading a story about a teenage girl who kills her parents and deciding not to have kids because it's so risky and dangerous.

Or not going in the ocean because you read a story about a shark eating somebody.

Or not walking down the street in the rain because you think you are going to get struck by lightning.

I think this story is shocking because of how unusual it is. I think it's one of those shockers because it goes against everything we are used to. Women get gang-raped in South Africa every couple minutes, and it's no news item. This is a freak crime, and the guy was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just like someone who is eaten by a shark. Is that person making a bad decision by swimming in the ocean? No.

Picked this up from Reuters today.
Yahoo news, Reuters, South African Anti-Rape Proposal

Um , sry if its maybe a little off topic but interesting stats about rape in South africa and one proposed protection. (Not protecton for men but from men)

Also just wanted to say... yeah Victim Blaming. Evolution Not even with a spin or a veil. Your thinking maybe that for being friendly polite socialable courtious nice or helpful gentleman to these ladies he was some how criminally stupid or got what he deserved ?

and kudos to Troglodyteand Morgan . Very nicely said.

Although I have never been raped by a woman I did once have a random girl stick her hand down my pants grab my dick and walk away. I did feel alittle violated but mostly I was thinking to myself if I had done this to her i would be in jail.

I agree. If you switched the sexes round in what you just said it would be pretty far of the mark but its going to take a lot more of these incidents before the average make thinks twice about getting into one of these situations. Lets just hope we never get to that point.

I can see evolutions point but we only learn not to touch certain snakes though tales of snakebites or having beeen bitten by one. Otherwise its just a big, dumb worm.

No, I didn't say he was in any way criminal or that he deserved it, but that he could have at least tried to prevent it.

You can be a "friendly polite socialble courtious nice or helpful gentleman" by verbally giving directions or writing them down. You do not need to get in the car to show them. The only reasons that a guy would need to get in that car are:

1) He was too stupid/horny/distracted to consider writing them down or (if he had no pen or paper) giving them verbally.
2) He sucks at giving directions (in which case, he probably isn't the person to help)
3) He wanted to have fun on some level with 3 unknown women he just met (which is justified by showing apparent interest in going to their hotel and having drinks)

If there is another reason I missed, I'd like to hear it, but none of these 3 could be considered "friendly polite socialble courtious nice or helpful gentleman" except maybe #2, in which case suggesting they try a gas station would probably have been the best idea.

I also like how you then refer to the rapists as "ladies", even if it was meant in a context before the crime.

From this 'tale' though, and a lot of the posts and links that people have provided, I would hope it at least makes people think about male rape, and a situation like this beyond "oh poor man".

In the end, we all make our own decisions. If it were me, I would've given directions without getting in the car, and if I was still raped, at least I didn't make it easier for them.

[Edited on Sep 02, 2005 by evolution]

whatever.
yes, think seriously about being brutally raped if you are a male. do not make it easy on females. do not wear tight pants or cute haircuts. that means you are asking for it. if you meet some nice friendly women in a bar, do not talk or get in the car with them. they could gang rape you.

I'm going to a wedding this weekend. Sounds a bit too risky now. Maybe I should lay of the booze and wear something under my kilt for a change . Maybe just not go at all, eh?


[Edited on Sep 03, 2005 by TheNonStopDancer]

Lest my meaning be misconstrued, the last line there meant his lack of judgement is no excuse for the women's actions, not that there was no excuse for his lack of judgement.

trust me you dont want to get raped by the woman in durban

I just read this entire thread.
I agree with every point Morgan & Subrosa made.

Me too.
I didn't realise how many bigots there were on SG till I read this thread ... it's really surprising, because I thought this site was supposed to be centred around feminism (aka equality).