Best Craigslist ads

mydogfarted said:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/1755781713.html

Because the listing isn't complete without the picture...

Coyotemike said:

Why does he want the other dude to have a bachelors degree?

mydogfarted said:

because gays don't go to college

mydogfarted said:

What the fuck is BF anyway?

I bet his girlfriend is from Niagara Falls, Canada.

Roethke said:
what the hell does JO mean? Jack Off?

Coyotemike said:

Why does he want the other dude to have a bachelors degree?

TheeBatman2 said:
The safety not guaranteed guy.

Safety Is Not

To the bosses girl,

Girl, will you please fuck my boss. I understand that you are too girly to do all the things he really wants to do to you. But at this point I think he would be happy to just get a little bit. A simple blow job or a quickie. I mean really maam' it is your job.

Maybe we need to break it down in black and white. My job is to come to work, run the office, and clean as needed. Your job is to occasionally mount this sex obsessed soul so maybe he isn't so sex obsessed any longer.

It has come to the point where I have thought about actually climbing on your man, just so he gets some. Not that I desire to fuck my boss, nor would I really do so. But I do believe with all my heart that a good sympathy fuck might just cure him of his problems. And since you're not doing your job, what am I to do? Maybe we should put someone on staff, just to fuck my boss.

See, I realize that you have worked 2 long years to train him. I also understand that you spent 25 years in school just so you can control men. I mean to have a PhD, an office, and still work as a waitress.. can you explain that to me? The only conclusion I can come to is that you have this degree so you can fuck with his head. And man oh man.. you are so good at it. He never raises his voice to you. He never talks bad about you (except in the locker room at the gym, but thats standard guy stuff) He never shows his discontent to you. He buys the monthly vacations and all your clothes. He pays your rent and pays for your office you don't use. And the most irritating thing is he answers the phone "Hi Love" when you call in a voice that is reserved to talking to you.... and his dog. Yes, that is the only times he uses that damn cheese voice. You and the dog. The dog doesn't give him any either. Hmmm..

I mean if there was an award for the best mind fuck. You would take home the blue baby.

But, back to my boss. See, and when you don't fuck him for a while two very disturbing things happen, things that I can no longer live with.

1. He's fucking crabby. He yells. He makes lil' nasty comments. He's a really good guy.. but when you are torturing him.. its shows. When you two broke up for a while and he had out his lil� black book. He was so happy. He is a very sexy guy. I get at least one phone call a day requesting him specifically so the women can look at him. A sexy healthy guy.. can only take so much of a beautiful girl controlling him before he wants to have a little control over her. I mean just lie down and let him stick it in you. I�m not asking you to fuck him daily. Just once a week or so. This months upon months thing is outta hand.

2. He looks at porn on my computer. Its bad enough coming into work.. but then to work(and playing some) all day, then going to erase CL from the history when ta da.. shit like aged pussy is on the history from the day before. I don't have anything against porn.. its fine. I take a lookie myself sometimes. But when I have worked all day typing away at a keyboard, touching the desk, then possibly my face, or my own nice and clean orfices. Completely unawares of what went down just 12 hours before... Then with a click of a mouse its all right in front of my nose and suddenly I realize that it is totally probable that there is little chunks of cum stuck to every surface of my desk, keyboard, and chair. See, I don't have anything against cum either. I happen to be the opposite of you.. I like to fuck.. I also like cum on me. However, the bosses old crusted cum unknowingly touching me. Um.. no .. not okay with that.

So please girl.. will you just please oh please fuck my boss?

Pretty please?

G.G.

Seeking Fling - m4w - 28 (Branson, MO)

Date: 2012-02-12, 1:44PM CST
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Premature ejaculator seeks young, attractive woman for fling. Must have large breasts, big lips, a nice backside and....OH GOD...nevermind.

Sadista said:

I'm more curious why he wants the guy to be able to lift 80 lbs.

ShadowDrgn said:

I just saw this and I have SOOO many questions. lol

I was also curious about the 80lbs.
Maintain Eyecontact but have shades?
Why does he have to wait to tell you what happened to the jacket until you finish?
Doesn't anyone have access to an "abandoned warehouse"? If you know where one is that is.
Points for accuracy? Where are you shooting for or at? lol

mydogfarted said:

Elisabeth said:
This one's making the rounds.

Failed hipster, fixie must go.

Don't even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you...

Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You fucking Pringle bastards.

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

Fucking Pringle bastards.

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.