Best Craigslist ads

Oh, I will be using that.

when he's killed you do you think he'll keep your eyes in a jar

He sounds more like a 'wear-your-face-like-a-mask' kinda guy.

Because not everything on craigslist is about sex and roommates...

See??? I told you so!

That second one was hilarious!

I will never forgive you for posting that. I am never going to recover from reading it.

"I am not a fridge pimp."

That might have been the funniest thing i have ever read.

http://dallas.craigslist.org/cas/678008757.html

i would like to be a fridge pimp i think

Bahahaa...

Now is your chance to wow us with pimp-stylee lines

Those are rather hilarious.

Clearly, I need to be paying more attention to Craigslist. I've been figuring that since I live in neither SF nor DC I haven't a daily use for it, but maybe I've been figuring wrong.

Godspeed, you crazy potheads indeed!

This made me giggle.

I'm going with number 4.

No, it is number 3

ORLY?

The what now?




$300 Activist collective seeks members

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Reply to: hous-685792149@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-18, 5:29PM CDT


Formed and unified in honor of Oscar Zimmerman Jr, a recent immigrant from the "earthy" mother lands of Scandanavia, the Weiser Collective was born out of two struggles. One being that Oscar was previously a communist (which to this day his grand-daughters swear was not the case), and the second being that he lived within walking distance of the German border. The latter presenting a problem because of Oscar's insatiable lust for then Northern Germany's most radical poet Fernanda Haff Weiser. Eventually fate would drop the "Haff" owning to the popular family business that went by that name and the desire by publishers to save marginal space and costs when producing her works. The two would eventually live together, Oscar busy with the extravagances of evading court and municipal punishment and Fernanda with the written word of truth. The Weiser family was extensive and worth mentioning, but for tactful taste and prose I will limit my examination to only one. Erich Weiser, commonly referred to as "Erol", staunchly defended and protected his sister with only family pride to authenticate his control. Coming in between Oscar and Fernanda was almost a ritual of his; doing so with a hidden plan to make use of his sister's fame. Seeing Oscar as a hindrance and distraction, the two would often share contemptuous views of one another. It was common to see Displays of rage, emotionally charged power struggles where loyalty was contesting against loyalty. Like the Norweigen tales Oscar was raised under, he too experienced fate with its grimiest and most archaic realities. Erol was soon out of the picture but without a window of relief, Fernanda's nature was forever changed and this static sense of heavy burden almost killed her poetry, and thus almost killed her. How the legend of their eventual falling out (one that is too extensive and interconnected to be mentioned again at length) reached the shores of lake Michigan and how a warehouse was constructed for the purposes of assembling pianos is still up for debate and has been lost, torn from the last pages of Fernanda's autobiographical tale, one that has been compared to her greatest then living influence: Virginia Woolf (whom she did know fairly well. They would even respond to each other's letters with the most haste and care). Few have speculated why this might be the case. One argument that attempts to finalize this mystery tries to assert that because of the already large Scandinavian population in the midwest, the lives of the two were encapsulated into the fiery pits of martyrdom, that their story was one of inspiration and hope to the newcomers of this land. Spectators of their love affair have said that Oscar had other lovers. That he fancied the piano and his students of piano. That is why students of Mr. Weiser (for this was the name that brought his fame, more so than his own), upon coming to this country in the 30's decided to keep this couple's mystic and albeit, struggles alive. It survives even now! come join us for a dinner and we will talk more about collective living.

I've heard it referred to as "Leaving a snail trail".

Not quite the same, but something to do to people who are passed out on one's couch.

I am dirt

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/588037045.html

goodness gracious. i hope its real, but then i hope its not.


Mom, I know you're out there, reading this.

How do I know you're out there?

Let's begin with that ad of mine that you recently responded to, shall we? You know the one I'm talking about. It was entitled, "Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?%u2014m4w--22" That ad ran for three days before I got a response, and I can't tell you, Mom, how my heart fell when I saw the photo that accompanied the response. It was your Realtor's headshot, the one on your business card. Even worse was the text of your response. I'm so, so sorry I know now what you'd do to me if we ever "hooked up." On the other hand, Dad must've been a very, very lucky guy back in the day. I dunno, maybe he still is.

I guess, Mom, when I think a bit about it, that I should resign myself to whatever it is that you are doing. After all, you're an adult and I'm an adult. I can't tell you what you should do with your life.

But Mom, I'd like to raise a few points.

The first point I'd like to raise is that you're still married to Dad. Please, please PLEASE tell me that you have his blessing. My mind is reeling now, hoping that you're not the people who posted "Fun Couple Looking For Others%u2014MW4MW%u201457" I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that it is you. Now that I know you're cruising CE, I suspect that there aren't too many other 57 year old swingers from the Westlake area posting on Craigslist.

The second point I'd like to raise is that you owe it to whoever you're trying to hook up with to be honest. I mean, I lived with you and Dad for 18 years. You're not that fun.

Finally, I'd like you to stop responding to my "College Stud Needs a MILF%u2014m4w%u201422" ads. The only one who should find you to be MILF-y at all is Dad. For me, you are just an "M". Got it?

Your son.

PS. I'm going to swing by at around 7-7:30-ish to do a load of wash, is that okay? I tried to call you at the office, but they kept telling me that you're busy.

this one is lovely too.

Planned parenthood - m4w

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Date: 2008-02-28, 10:53PM CST


You are a stunning girl in your early 20's you have short black hair and striking blue eyes. You were wearing skinny jeans and a dark grey coat, you had a sexy lip ring in the middle of your luscious lips and large blue earrings. I thought you winked at me out of the corner of my eye, but I'm not sure. I was waiting in the lobby with my ex to see if she was preggers but it's ok cuz shes not. Please respond.

so many good ones!

If men wrote m4w ads like women wrote w4m ads

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Date: 2008-02-27, 8:51AM MST


Isn't it funny how most w4m ads are like checklists of requirements. These women think finding a guy is like ordering a sandwich - a little more height please, easy on the love of sports, and can you throw in a weekend house in the mountains and a willingness to support some other guy's children?

If men wrote their m4w ads the same way, we would expect to see something like this:

Looking to meet the woman of my dreams. Someone who appreciates me for who I am. I love big TV's, big trucks, baseball caps, and wife-beater tanks. I love going out with my friends to get drunk at strip clubs too. I'm looking for a nice woman who is not looking to jump into a relationship too soon but who knows what it means to be sexy and take care of her partner. Please no BBW's (sorry) but you won't look good on my arm when I wear a white t-shirt.

You must love dogs and my beer can collection, my dogs, my cans, and I are a package, so if you're not into them then please move on. I like to let all 6 of my dogs sleep in my bed with me, so hopefully you don't have a problem with that.

Deal breakers:
likes to shop too much
obsessed with height (i am short)
fat
talks about yourself too much
neediness
always wanting to talk about the relationship
small breasts (sorry, there is nothing sexier than grabbing onto a nice pair)
doesnt like to cook for her man
bossiness
nagging
always wanting to get up early in the morning
fat
intolerance of me and my habits
pressure to have kids


Turn ons:
thin
large breasts (very sexy)
quiet
beer drinker
has her own friends and won't try to make me watch chick flicks
smells good
likes football
doesn't expect me to pay all the time
intelligent but not too intelligent (i dont like nerdy girls)
rich father
thin
doesn't have a relationship calendar, i.e. doesnt wonder after 3 months if we are going in the right direction.

Can you find me a woman like that??? LOL