My computer is fucked..HELP!

Wow.

I would recomend downloading the free standard version of Adaware and scanning and manually clicking on all the items found and deleting them all. Then completely defragment your harddrive. Diskeeper is great software for defragmenting your hardrive daily, but if you don't want to buy anything or obtained cracked versions of the software, you can (if usuing Windows) just open up My Computer, and right click on your main drive, usually C:\ and choose Tools tab, and then defragment. Also choose Error-checking if you have that as well.
Also there are several bug detectors and fixer upper thingies that you can find online that may or may not be of assistance.
Also of course, try unpluggin your keyboard, waiting a few seconds, and then plugging it back in.

Oops, yeah, I forgot you were on a laptop.

Give your computer a hug every now and then and be careful not to let evil aliens possess it, would be my other two suggestions.

Ive heard of viruses that do that kind of shit to your computer. Try to either get a antivirus on there OR if your laptop has windows xp do a system restore

go to start,programs,accessories,system tools, system restore, pick a date on there thats BEFORE youre computer started acting screwy

if that doesnt work reinstall an OS

Another little thing:

If you can't get your system to boot right (i.e. it freaks out a few seconds after loading Windows) while your system is booting, hit 'F8' and choose to boot into Safe Mode.

For some bits of spyware, you can only remove them when running Adaware in this mode.

Keep this in mind if your system should continue to freak out/get worse.

that is not a spyware or adaware issue... they may make your computer do some fucked up shit, but nothing really like that. it really just sounds like your system memory is overloading.
but, one thing that may be overloading your mem is adaware. download the new antispyware from microsoft. its free. its right on their webpage.
one of the advanced features in it allows you to see all the processes that are running on your computer. It will even tell you if these programs are good for your computer or not.
you should also see what startup programs that are running in your systray (the little group of icons in your bottom right hand corner of you start bar)

I concur. You may want to boot into safe mode so you don't have as many apps running all at the safe time. You should always backup your last configuration............and stay off the Pr0n sites!! heheeh.