Fight or Flight?

I have been in more fights than I can remember, most were over after a couple of punches. basic scenario, challenge for after school on the football field. My opponent and i show up and quickly surrounded in a circle of blood thirst students. first is the name calling, next comes the pushing phase. usually this is the two guys pushing each other back and forth. finally one has worked up his courage and weak punches fly maybe a couple land before the two guys end up rolling around on the ground. by the time the coaches have notice and move in to break it up. alot of the time the next day our two combatants are seen eating together like the best of friends

when I was in such a fight, I would antagonize my opponent into pushing me first. when he did I would start with the punching, breaking protocol. I started martial arts when I was 11 so my most of my punches found their mark. a few to the face, a few to the body, always pushing him back, giving no opportunity to get a moment to rest and counter. a black eye, maybe some sore ribs. I got a few black eyes myself.

but the one fight that stands out is the one I the most ashamed about. I was 15, and had a bad afternoon on the home front. got slap around by a step brother. so I went to the local arcade to hang out with friends. I didn't stay long. this next part I can still bring up crystal clear memories. as i was leaving the arcade, I was pushed by some kid from the local high school. he told me "to get out of the way you little fag" .... and the next thing I remember was sitting on his back, holding his head by the hair and bashing his face into the curb. I could hardly see I was crying so much. there was blood on my hands (turns out it was mostly mine). people started pulling me off of him, telling me to run the cops were coming. I never got caught, don't know how I dodged that bullet. the butcher's bill: I had some raw knuckles, and two broken pinky fingers. I heard later that he had ended up a black eye and a broken nose, and the swelling of his face went down after a few days. his ribs and stomach were bang up and bruise pretty good. thank goodness the only damage from the curb where a bunch of his front teeth knocked out and hit lips were cut up pretty good.

that was my first black out and I had a few more, not against people but my room. I haven't one in 16 years and I hope I never have another one. my fighting days came to a quick end, I was afraid of myself and another blackout, and my "rep" skyrocketed and no one at my jr. high wanted to try me anymore. I turned 16 two weeks later and moved to Seattle. haven't been in a single fight since.

I still guilt for what I did, and I no longer let the little shit get to me.

Several most were started by others one or two I started. I'm far to short to run away if I did that people would keep trying their luck, though I always try to diffuse the situation. Sometimes i was right sometimes not some I win but a lot i lost.. In my defence a lot of times I've been outnumbered.