Sharks are Fucking Spirit Guides

Via Free Will Astrology:

according to this article written by some kook, you can actually get in touch with them by singing a funky little Hawaiian ditty.

if you connect the (rather erratic) dots, this means that at any moment i can summon a ghost shark to get all up in my enemies' shit, so watch out. d20's a fucking asshole.

Guardian spirits that eat you.

I'll keep myself safe, thank you very much.

At least I now have a shark as a guardian spirit and not a donkey or a chicken or some other lame ass animal.

Maybe I misread something... but is my (Libra) gaurdian animal really Dave Chapelle?

Sharks are way too messy to be Virgos. A Virgo shark would yell at all the other sharks for leaving pieces of Quint in their teeth.

that makes too much sense to not be true.

Damn straight.

Or in FP's case... Damn sexual-preference-rendered-clouded-by-entirely-too-many-online-photos-of-him-making-out-with guys.

I'll Quint you.

As a Pisces, it appears that my spirit animal is a mojo-drenched fetish turtle. Rock on.

Sharks are fucking assholes.

augh, my powers! NNNOOOooo.....

my friend was almost eaten by a shark. his back looks all gross now. it's one big mess of scar tissue. we call him shark boy.

Damnit! I want my spirit fetish turtle!!!

Don't don't mind getting you stuck in my teeth.

Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycocks. This shark, swallow you whole. No shakin', no tenderizin', down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.

hmmm, anyone here know hawaiian better than me? I think it's na aumakua. two separate words.

while we're on the topic of speaking hawaiian, can someone tell me how to say "respect the Sharklord, bitch"?

who's Walter Jones?

"Shaaks. They only bite you when you touch them in their private paahts."

Mine started quoting GW and there was a pic of a gator and some chick.hmmmmm.


I sing to sharks all the time..but it's more like...*huuuuummmmm.. i know you are out here, even though I can't see you...so please don't eat me..hummm*...kinda like that.

This Merlot is an ungrateful bitch.
He kanapapiki mahalo 'ole keia mea inu Merlot ia'u.