Coca-Cola Zero™: The Gothic Soda Pop.

So, I'm at my corner store looking for my morning Diet Coke fix, and what do I see right next to my old standby? A new, more sinister looking version of a low calorie soda... I saw this:

That's right folks... Coke Zero™. All the taste of Coke Classic™ with Zero calories and a black-as-my-soul accent ribbon and bottlecap.

Some further inquiry into this new and exciting development in Diet refreshment turned up the product's website ("Real Coca-Cola taste stripped to the chassis!" and this press release. According to Coke Headquarters™, the new product:

How a soft drink can have a personality is beyond me. Regardless, upon learning all of this you can bet your sweet ass I bought one. My review: It tastes a lot like Coke. It lacks the sweet and lovely habit-inducing Diet Coke™ Chemical Aftertaste™, but I guess that's the point. Oh, and that it's BLACK AS FUCKING NIGHT!!!!♥!!!111one111q1!

You call that black? You can clearly see through the liquid inside the bottle. What a ripoff.

Crystal Pepsi owns Coke Zero.

Did I mention that the familiar Coke red has been altered...

...to BLOOD FUCKING RED!!!!!

Clearly, the end is nigh.

They won't be taking this Coke into Tim Burton movies anytime soon.

It's like in Knight Rider when Michael Knight had the doppleganger Garth, with the shirt that was a little more lewdly unbuttoned, and a sinister goatee. And instead of K.I.T.T. it was K.A.R.R which was just like K.I.T.T. but had a deeper more distorted version of the guy from St Elsewhere as it's voice chip. It's totally, just like that.

I'm just picturing some Coke™ executive looking at Pepsi One and saying:

"We COULD release a Coke One™, but that's just what they want us to do. FUCK IT! We're going to FUCKING ZERO!!! What will those Pepsi bastards do then!?

hahahaha

HAHAHAHAHAHAAA

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!"





I am clearly way too amused by this.

so

thats

calorie free and suger free

who wants to drint that kinda shit weres the fun in knowing you teath will fall out

bring back OK Soda!

And the British wonder why they are stereotyped as having "bad teeth".

Kerry King apparently designed the packaging.

i whouldn't say wonder

more reminded why

[Edited on Jun 14, 2005 by G1]

Next we'll have RC++.

[Edited on Jun 14, 2005 by Idjiit]

what about new Diet Coke with Splenda?

I defintely thought Pepsi One had the Splenda in it.

is that some sort of newcolaspeak? if so, I'll take a victory gin and double plus right cola.

I may have a new beverage!

RC cola.

I like sinister soda.....we call it Guiness on the east....as far as more soda goes...Aspertine free bright colored and GAY...as in happy....

I think that is the coolest imaginary beverage I have ever heard of.

The exorcism was successful.

I tried some...pretty good. But I've grown accustomed to the chemically delicious of regular Diet Coke.

My mom never made soda. WTF?