Deliberately making bad decisions?

Maybe it's just me, but does anyone else ever consider making, or ever actually make, bad decisions deliberately in order to fuck up your life or become a worse person?

Some examples of what I mean could be:

Quitting a job you like where the money is great just to spite yourself and kill your future prospects.
Or:
Breaking up with a lover that you care deeply for and have a great relationship with, for no other reason but to be a miserable shitheel and hate yourself for a while.

That sort of thing.

I'm not talking about suicide here, because after suicide you stop hurting (not that I'm downplaying the tragedy of suicide). But I'm talking about concious decisions, made for the sole purpose of screwing up your life and making yourself miserable.

I have. It cost me my fiance, got me kicked out of the house for good, cost me my entire cirlce of friends, and I nearly lost my job.

Anybody else suffer these self-destructive urges?

Can't say I have.

i don't think I do it intentionally...but it seems to happen alot so it could be subconciously.

I can't say that my decisions were conscious, but they certainly were bad. I'm starting over again at 24 where I left off at 18... 6 years of fucking up and trying to do my own thing. But all I can say is that I have hopefully learned my lesson and, with a bit of hard work, will get things back in order by the time I'm 25...

[Edited on May 29, 2005 by JoshXXX]

yeah, like staying close to people even though it hurts and you know you should completely walk away

Not necessarily on purpose, but in spite of knowing what i should do. Like i try to convince myself that friends is enough, just so i don't lose them completly

[Edited on May 28, 2005 by lioness4]

Self destruction is my middle name.

I’m gonna make a mistake-
I’m gonna do it on purpose
I’m gonna waste my time
Cuz i’ full as a tick
And i’ scratching at the surface
And what I find is mine
And when the day is done, and I look back
And the fact is I had fun, fumbling around
All the advice I shunned, and I ran
Where they told me not to run, but I sure
Had fun, so
I’m gonna fuck it up again


I wouldn't say I've ever made mistakes merely to ruin my life, but I've certainly made bad decisions consciously. I've made decisions where I knew the end result would be less than favorable for me, but have ploughed ahead anyway (these usually involved women, but not always).

Not sure if this counts.. About 7 years ago I had just been cheated on by my now ex-fiance and decided to go on a 3 month binge of drinking every day and living in hotels.. basically running away from life for 3 months. I knew what I was doing and I knew what the consequences were, I just didn't give a shit. So nearing the end of this 3 months, I meet this girl who is just amazing. I decide that rather than be hurt again, I'm not going to allow myself to care about her. (like that ever works) I actually wanted to go on feeling bitter because I had become so used to it.. Needless to say, I made the wrong decision and ruined what could have been a great relationship. So yes.. I've done some really stupid things on purpose..

My deliberate bad decisions left holes in my brain....me go have beer now.

I'd hate to think some of the stupid decisions I've seen people make weren't deliberate. I mean if they actually thought they were making /good/ decisions....

Thankyou, thats exactly what I'm talking about.
So have you curbed your desire for misery, or like me, have you just learnt to ignore it? (or are you still at it??)

I've rebuilt my life, got a great job, good prospects, an amazing lover, new friends and a five year plan. The whole bit.
But I have to say, i still get the urge to shit it all away sometimes, even after what it cost me last time.

So does your job of fucking with peoples head have a name. Or positions vacant??

No, but I know exactly what you mean from watching other people do it. That would be the single most exasperating thing about other people, and it's a big reason why I'm not very social. Left to my own devices I make good decisions that lead me where I want to go (at least as far as I'm concerned, and in that case mine is the only opinion that matters.) I don't have the energy for you people and your self-destructive drama.

Nick

Cutting off my nose to spite my face is on my fucking resume.

I've been on the receiving end of this.

My bad decision was to allow this experience to ruin my receptivity to other girls.

A tad judgemental maybe?

A tad? You have a gift for understatement, Mr. Magnet.

[Edited on May 29, 2005 by mamet]

Well, in space terms a tad is about a hundred million miles.

I'm wrong that way. Sometimes it's like I do it just to see how I can get out of it.
As you might guess, it gets rather annoying.

I have people to do that for me... saves me the bother I suppose.

Definatly not.

I sometimes get a wee bit nervous when things are going to well and throw a spanner into the works, if it's going to fuck up then I'd like it to happen when I'm expecting it....not sneakily behind my back.

I gamble with my future much. Sleeping , gaming, or surfing the net when I should be studying, and just being a general slacker. I remain optimistic yet.

I've had a couple friends and lovers who had this impulse like whoa. Speaking as someone whose been in the position to be hurt by this impulse in other people - and having been, several times - I don't think he's being THAT judgemental at all. You're usually not just fucking yourself up.