REAL suicide

aww hon, im sorry. There is always a first on that job. When you've seen hundreds, you wont feel so bad about it.
*hug*

My father "Almost" committed suicide. He found out latter that he had depression!

Yes.

The problem is this: as you said above, every circumstance is unique to an individual. That would make it impossible to truly know what that other person felt or was feeling.

Or would it?

I've never been married. I have no way to really relate to what it feels like to have the person you've decided to spend your life with revert to a second childhood and zip off with a giggly skank who is younger. I know how it made her feel to some degree, because we talked about it a lot, and I tried to convince her that her husband's assholiness was in no way a reflection on her or her worth as a person. It seemed that, because she could laugh about it after some time had passed, that she had gotten through the worst of it. The depression was still there, which was normal, but she loved her son. last i talked with her, she was planning on taking him to see Star Wars Episode 1, and was wondering how she could justify getting him out of school to see it on opening day.

She wasn't a selfish person. She suffered a depression that, combined with a dose of chemicals removed her perspective; that altered her focus.

My own bouts of depression, while spurred by very different circumstances, have had the same effect on me. It is hard to focus on anything but my own problems; easy to ignore those who have truly depended on me, or who needed me. And I'm not talking about people who depended on me to drive them home when they're drunk, what-have-you. My folks both got cancer at the same time, and literally depended on me for damn near everything.

The roots of depression may come from different and unique circumstances. But the effect of depression does not vary as much as the causes do. To say that depression changes the way a person looks at life is an undertstatement, but it's true. it changes how you look at your own life. Changes how you look at other people's lives.

This kid right now, who I managed to keep from committing suicide a couple months back, when i listen to him talk, when i listen to him describe his depression, it's almost like being able to listen to myself ten years ago. I was in the same position this kid is in right now, back then. had to do with a girl. If I didn't know better, I'd swear it had to be the same girl in fact!

"She's back fucking mo'fo's up again..."

But his problems with this girl are almost the same problems I had with my own girl at that age. Of course, lots of people have similar problems with girls and guys which lead to similar depressions across the world. My problem was not unique, but at the time, I thought it was. And because I've gone through the same thing he is currently, I know his problem isn't limited to him. it doesn't mean his life is worthless just because some girl who is trying to define her own identity can't provide him the same affection he provides her. It's not his fault (not even her fault really); it doesn't mean he's worthless or hopeless; it doesn't mean nothing good can ever happen to him. These are all things he's said to me...these are also all things I've thought myself.

The problem is not a matter of selfishness. It is a matter of focusing on the self to the exclusion of external factors, exacerbated by a mental state which compromises one's ability to feel a positive sense of that self. We all focus on ourselves to some extent throughout the hours of each day. "I don't feel like going to work today." "I hope she likes what I've fixed for dinner." "I like beer." This is a normal thing because as soon as someone invented the word "I", someone else was like, "hey, that fits me exactly!"

Our problems, despite my example, are still unique; I don't have any sisters, as he does. I'm not going through an engineering program in college, which is stressful as a mother fucker, designed to weed people out. Similarly, he doesn't have the same problems I had at the time, unique conditions that added wild card factors.

That doesn't mean no one in the world can understand another person's problems. There is enough similarity in the human experience that someone out there know what you're going through and can offer some understanding.

I got lucky. I came out of it (for the most part) when I suddenly realized that, while pining over this one lost love, I was already in the process of macking on another girl. It was about time, considering it was almost a year later...But I guess I realized, "I must have moved on without knowing it. So...how YOU doin'?"

He required a more direct intervention. And he was pissed at me for a while for providing that intervention. But now, he's moving on, and though he won't admit it, he's turning into a little playah. There are moments where he still gets depressed. So do I. I think it helps to have someone who listens to him without passing judgements and so forth. I think most of his other friends are "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" sorts. It's day-by-day, of course. But, for the time being, at least, he's moving on with his life.

thanks for the hug i needed that