funerals

(I won't be posting for about 5 days so...)
what do you usually do in the case of a funeral? how do you find the atmosphere to be?

what about in the case of a friend who is an orphan and his adoptive parents are no longer alive and you're his closest thing to family?

Unfortunately I'm experienced in this sort of thing. Just be there, be emotionally available, be honest, be a little bit indulgent, be kind. The death of a loved one makes a person feel lonely. It's good to have friends nearby.

I cant go to funerals I just cant bring myself to go to them, i'd much rather ball it up and hide it. Maybe this is just because i havent had anyone closer then a friend die yet (Knocks on wood) but i havent been able to go to a funeral yet.

That's interesting stickynutz because you're one of the biggest goofballs around here.

A close friend of mine discovered at 26 that he was actually the child of his mother and his uncle, brother of the guy he knew as dad. This was shortly after his mother committed suicide because his "dad" left her to be with his highschool sweetheart.

There isn't anything you CAN do but comfort and console. I never told him I was sorry because that's what everyone else would say. I never told him I understood, because there's no way I could. I just drove him around and got him as liquored up as he wanted, fed him smokes, and listened to whatever rants came from his mouth.

Support, support, support any way possible. I can tell you from experience that if you really are close friends, you WILL be family for this person. And that's not a bad thing.

Its funny, i'm normaly really good at listening and understanding what people are saying, but when it comes to the REALLY serious stuff like death or serious injuries i'm totaly silent. I had a guy call me at work the other day who had to yell really loud to utter what he wanted to say. This being because 2 months ago he had part of his neck taken out b/c of cancer and all i could muster was "So are you like not gonna get that back?" And later i made a bigger mess in the coversation by saying " Man that sucks Sorry dude"

That's a tough question as I don't think there is a single 'atmosphere' that prevails. I will be attending my grandmother's funeral over the weekend, but I don't really expect a pall of mourning. There will be sadness, but also relief as she was in very poor health for years and is now free from that suffering and we all had time to say our goodbyes. This will be a time for reflection and a celebration of her life more than anything.

On the other hand, when my uncle was killed in a car crash, there was alot of darkness and regret as it was so unexpected. My cousin still berates himself as the last words he shared with his dad were in a bitter argument.

The worst for me was when a good friend of mine from high school commited suicide. We ran into each other just as I started my career on cruise ships and were starting to get reaquainted and catch up on the years in between. I was just days away from coming home between contracts when I got the news, so I was able to attend the memorial. I was torn between regret at having lost contact for years and being thankful that we did recconect before the end

Ultimatly, funerals are for the those left behind and I find it helps to reminisce and celebrate the life they lived rather than dwell on the loss.

I think its because of my own selfishness but i dont like to attend them because its admitting to yourself that they are really gone. I'd much rather just ignore it, at that time and reflect at a later point in time.

About 4 years ago the preacher at a local church that i attended past away who i was not really that close to but i had alot of respect for. I couldnt bring myself to attend his funeral but about 1 month after his funeral it really hit me and i did my reflecting at home.

my girlfriend's father is dying of combination cancer (renal and brain) and has about 6 months to live, so i'm desperately nervous about how to handle the situation when it arises. it's hard enough now while he's still with us, what with me being in England and her in the US, so i really don't know what the fuck i'm gonna do when i get that call some rainy Tuesday morning.

beware the return...of me...(I'm on my way back)

Things went a lot faster than expected (due to there being an emergency situation). Read journal for full update, but...let's just say that things are a lot better now than they were 4 days ago.

It might be the Irish in me, but funerals are a great chance to laugh and tell your favorite stories about the person, get drunk with your friends to escape it, if only for a few fleeting hours.

We try to tone it down in mixed company but we always get some strange looks at funeral homes. we're the guys in the corner, hitting the flask, belly laughing about the time when (insert name here) got his blank stuck in the blankety-blank.

One particularly strange moment came the the funeral of my best friend's father. He had a heart attack Christmas Eve morning and died almost instantly. Nedless to say, grief was heavy in the air. He was one of those guys that everyone likes. You couldn't help but like the guy. Well, his family is Irish and from North Jersey....his wife's family all immigrated from Peru and are very religious and superstitious. So, we're at the wake laughing, carrying on, drinking, telling stories.......then the wife's side of the family came in and looked at us like we had 9 heads. they were all dressed in black, the women wearing veils...very stoic and stern looking. And here's us......30 drunken Irishmen laughing our asses off about the time Al got his head stuck in the screen door.

Everyone deals with death in their own way.

i missed the last two funerals. it really fucked me up. it really is important to go. to just *be* with the people you love. who loved the one(s) who passed.

i miss jack. i miss jayme