Crazy neighbor stories.

Can't. stop. laughing.

Well, amusing yes. Next, we need stories of people NOT knowing what's going on and making wild/wrong guesses.

I moved almost every year from 5th grade to 11th grade.

Neighbors I've had:

• Over 25 Pakistani refugees, many w/out green cards, living in a small, one story house. They used to have propane BBQ's in their garage. Curry could be smelled for blocks. They would decorate their yard for Christmas w/live sized, plastic, light-up lawn ornimants that represented every single symbol every associated w/the holiday, and leave them up until June. They finally got kicked out when one of the women's husbands got kicked out of the house and came back and tried to set her car on fire.



• A lady who used to park this janky, 20-year-old station wagon on the corner outside her house. Only problem was, the way the turn was constructed, nobody who was rounding the corner could see it there until it was almost too late. It caused so many accidents, the city finally made her move it. Once when I asked her why she never moved it, she said, "It's my first line of defense against cars crashing into my window." She also used to call the cops to report people for noise disturbances on New Year's Eve, Halloween and Independence Day.



• A child molester who was never convicted. There was this old, abandoned aquaduct behind our house. He used to try and butt fuck all the neigborhood little boys down there. The thing was, his parents had conections to the state government, so not only was he protected, the local voting booths were set up at his house He used to walk around in really tight sweat pants w/no shirt and sunglasses he wore even if he were in the shade or it was raining. If you tried to talk to him and you weren't, like, nine, he'd just a stare at his feet and mumble something at you as he went by. He was kind of like Senor Cardgage...

[Edited on Apr 27, 2005 by deBreard]

Up until a few weeks ago, one of my neightbors was seemingly okay, until he just flipped out all of a sudden. Started harrassing all the tenants with talk about religion, the end of the world, etc. He referred to my apartment as the "devil's house". He'd have red lights emanating from his apartment. One morning at 5 a.m. it was pitch black, and I had to drive my friend to the airport. Immediately as I walked past his door, he opened it up and started calling my name -- that really creeped me out. He'd bang on other tenant's doors saying they owed him money. And finally one Saturday, he goes upstairs with a knife and starts banging on my upstair neighbor's door. The cops were called, guns drawn, and they finally took him away. Apparently he had some sort of mental disorder and had been off his medication, and instead was strung up on cocaine. The manager kicked him out of the building, but I'm not waiting around for him to come back and kill someone, even though they apparently locked him up for a while in a mental institution.

I have 2 little kids. Thats why I chose to live on the bottom floor...you know, to try and be considerate. Unfortunately, I too now have elephants living above me who like to blast Black Eyed Peas and stomp around at 12am on weeknights.

Long story, short:

I had a roomate who spaypainted "What are you doing in my head?" in my kitchen.

i have to see pictures of this.

in fact, i will pay for pictures of this.

Another story. But this is one I managed to avoid.

I was looking at a house to rent with my girlfriend and waiting outside for the property manager to arrive. While we were waiting, a little girl walked across the street to talk to us. She said "the girl who lived here last moved out because there was a peeper living upstairs". I was like, "uh, what?" She explained "one day she came home and all her underwears were strewn all over the room." Then she pointed him out, and sure enough there was an elderly man crawling over the fence into the backyard of the house.

I didn't really know what to believe so I passed the story on to the property managed who reacted all too defensively - "what? I have no idea what you're talking about, there is no such thing in this house!". My gut feeling said to trust the kid, so we walked on that property.

I have a neighbor who is constantly sniffing her fingers with a look of disgust. That's not very exciting though.

Classic.

Crazy roommate stories are even worse than crazy neighbor stories. Once I rented a room in a house for a summer during a college internship not knowing who any of the other inhabitants were. One of the other tenants turned out to be a guy just getting out of a nasty divorce. His wife kicked him out and he ended up in this house with a trunk full of his belongings. I tried to avoid contact with anyone and spend as little time as I possibly could at that house, but some interaction was inevitable. This guy tried to talk to me about his divorce all the time. About how messy it was and stuff. I tried to just listen and then run back to my room. The door on my room had no lock on it, and the dishwasher was used to store bread and not wash dishes, but I digress. One morning I came out of a dream to find this guy not only in my room, but standing over my bed wearing a wrinkled dress shirt and boxers with tears in his eyes. I was like "what the hell?", and all he could say was "I caught her fucking another man." From that point on I wedged a chair under my door at night, and still honestly never slept well ever again until I moved out.

I have long lived on the top floor of my building to avoid situations in which I must tolerate the noise of people above me.

This has worked very well for me over the years, except for the time my downstairs neighbor came home drunk at 4:30 in the morning and had to scale the building and drop down into the airshaft both of our apartments look onto (Sentence ends with preposition. Needs parenthetical).

I was awoken (awakened?) by the noise of him shimmying down a pipe and ripping his screen open from the outside. Stupidly, I was curious enough about the noises to go and interrogate him about it (I am a grumpy middle-of-the-night kind of person. Maybe I should have waited.), and he regaled me with his story at length.

I listened impatiently, growled something about not waking people up like that, and stomped off (Sentence ends with preposition. Needs parenthetical). This, of course, led to some animosity, as I discovered the next night when a pal and I were having sex on the floor and Mr. Downstairs very intentionally interrupted.

I now mind my own business.

I haven't had any neighbors that were TOO crazy, but right now I live below a Vietnamese family, and they do offkey vietnamese karaoke IN THEIR HOUSE EVERY AFTERNOON. It's pretty funny.

Also used to live downstairs from two girls that I swear to god must have worn high heeled shoes all day long and did nothing but walk around their apartment back and forth back and forth.

I've never found out exactly what's up, but I apparently also have a neighbor with some sort of mental condition in the house next door. The only evidence for this I've seen, however, is one of those handicap shuttles parking frequently in front of their house, and this periodic short shriek from outside that sounds like the sound you'd make if you put your hand on a hot stove. I imagine that it's from a retarded or autistic person being shuttled out to the van.

i had a neighbor who grew so much pot in his basement i could smell the plants in my house.... with all the windows closed.

So... am I somebody's crazy neighbor because I walk my ferrets?

As funny as karaoke is, I can only imagine Id want to kill myself after about 30 minutes of it. Especially if it was everyday.

One across-the-street neighbor was a 90 y/o woman who didn't eat and was always drunk... she was bone thin and had long, flowing white hair. She liked to roam the streets in her nightgown, watch my boyfriend work on his car, and try to chase my brother. They took her away eventually.

The replacement neighbor is a young male... recently my bf's dad backed right into the side of his car... my bf's dad TRIED to pay the kid several times, but he refused... and now he always parks his car the OTHER way so we can't see the dent & keep offering him money...

Our next-door neighbor tried to get me in convicted of insurance fraud. But he's dead now.

I am working on it--the problem is that he/she has fuckin cameras pointing out of every window--and those are only the ones that I can SEE. God knows where the "other" ones are. I am sure that if he/she catches me "on tape" shooting photos of his/her (sher?...wtf) then I am going to wake up one day and find that my front door has been nailed shut from the outside.