Calling in sick

I'm calling in sick to work soon. How do I go about it? Is there a script I should follow?

I'm sure there's another slacker or two who can help a fella out.

Remain vague enough that they can't pin you down for lying.

"I'm sorry, I can't make it in today. It's really bad."

Fuck, I almost did this today myself.

As for calling in sick, tooth's advice is good- also, make sure you either smoke a couple of cigarettes or drink a shot of whiskey before you call, so your voice is extra-fucked.

I've had food poisoning many, many times.

I say go with something 1)contagious and 2) that has no outward symptoms that are easily detected by the naked eye

this is why I always go with 1)Fever and 2)Sore Throat = Strep

I usually say low grade fever and sometimes throw in sore throat. Don't try to make your voice sound raspy or fake cough, they'll see through that.

If you can do it and not laugh, make it something rreeaallyy uncomfortable to talk about. Like the trots.

"Can't make it to work today. Not sure what I ate, but my guts are all twisted up and I have an absolutely horrible case of diarh..."

"Right! Stay Home! Take care of yourself! Gotta go!" *CLICK*

I tell them I ran out of my prescription medicine and my doctor's out of town, so I couldn't sleep for the last two nights and I have the shakes. They're kinda like "uhhh... feel better!" But they might give you weird looks when you do get back to work.

you can't go wrong with Violent Diarrhea...

i suppose 'my cramps are so bad i can't get out of bed' won't quite work for you...

food poisoning is always a good one.

okay, I used to listen to sick messages at work so that i could report who's out to the managers. the absolute best thing to do is this:

hi, my name is ______ and i won't be into to work today because i am sick.

give as little information as possible. don't fake any sounds or anything. that is the best way to go.

Actually you can go very wrong with it.

And that's why I can never return to Sea World.

this always works! also, I agree with the food poisoning one, but they kinda go hand in hand....I usually mention something to the effect of, "thank God they put the bathtub so close to the toilet, otherwise...."

I think I'll play the Diarrhea card. Since I showed up at work healthy last night and have to go in tomorrow, it seems the route to go. It's both too disgusting to question fully and it can come and go like dust in the wind. All we are is dust in the wiiiiiind.

Good luck to you good sir!

Thank you.

My great weakness is that I've always treated calling in sick as a question, instead of a demand. Should I be very forceful in my statement of ''i'm not coming to work. i'm turning inside out through my ass." or should I be apologetic? Remorseful?

Make it somewhat apologetic but with the air of "There is no way I'm coming in today. None. What. So. Ever." in your voice.

Welp...guess I should do it up....

Done and done.

That wasn't so hard. Goodbye, work! Hello, financial irresponsibility!

What's everyone doing today?

Don't lie.

Just say you don't feel well and won't be coming in today.

[Edited on Apr 23, 2005 by PaulNikon]

just tell your boss it's comming out of both ends...they won't question it at all.

Well good for you. Fortunately for me, I have the good fortune of not having to make excuses. I just tell them I'm not coming in, no reason needed. It's a beautiful thing.

What am I doing today? NFL Draft. One of my favorite days of the year!

[Edited on Apr 23, 2005 by mamet]

NBA Playoffs, brahs!

this is the best method. I have done this a million well maybe 2 dozen times and they've never asked what was wrong. I have gotten 'are you okay?' to which I responded - I will be, I just need some time." It's best to sound as if you've been mentally beaten, like you've struggled with the decision to call in or not.

best of luck!

right on. well I am in front of the draft with a beer. going to a kids party later. yippeee. maybe there will be a clown.



[Edited on Apr 23, 2005 by azulsf]