HEY! Who here drives a Hummer H2?

Holla back, I'd really like to add you to my ignore list.

ok.

they are suppriseingly agile for such a big vehicle.

i drive a hummer down my driveway to get to my hummer that i drive to work in. and sometimes i'll drive a couple blocks down the street in my hummer to go to my other hummer and get into a hummer to go get a hummer at the hummer store.

and i typed "hummber" everytime. i'll go now.

If some freak accident some occur and my penis is sliced in half, I would feel obligated to buy a Hummer.

I also enjoy hummers.

Wait...

Highly doubt anyone's gonna take the bait on this one. I hate them too though and make sure I let everyone that I pass in one know it.

Ode to the Hummer

Untitled by Vanilla Bean


Your wallet’s fat, your car is rank
Fuck you and your H2!
Each burst of speed costs half a tank
Fuck you and your H2!
At each stop sign and traffic light
Regardless if it’s day or night
They’ll mutter “asshole” and they’re right
Fuck you and your H2!



You can’t drive mud, you can’t clear rocks
Fuck you and your H2!
With Chevy Tahoe frame and shocks
Fuck you and your H2!
What illness do you suffer from?
Are your aesthetic senses numb?
How does it feel to be so dumb?
Fuck you and your H2!



If I gave you what you deserve
Fuck you and your H2!
I’d cut you off and make you swerve
Fuck you and your H2!
I’d follow you across the land
I’d top your gas tank off with sand
And flip the bird with my free hand
Fuck you and your H2!



It’s true you are the Tax-break winner
Fuck you and your H2!
You spent it on ‘roo-bars and Spinners
Fuck you and your H2!
Full fifty-grand you can omit,
But what remains to show for it?
A four-point-three-ton pile of shit.
Fuck you and your H2!



Despite my venomous complaint
Fuck you and your H2!
I’ve got an atom of restraint
Fuck you and your H2!
I hope this point you haven’t missed
Your car selection makes me pissed
In spite of that I can resist
Fuck you and your H2!



For 3 or more: the carpool lane
Fuck you and your H2!
But what if you have half a brain?
Fuck you and your H2!
You solo drive each day to work
That’s why your friends all joke and smirk
Come Humm on THIS, you fucking jerk!
Fuck you and your H2!

Blatantly ripped from the FUH2.com web site - check out submissions

[Edited on Apr 05, 2005 by Pauillac]

Have any of you seen hummer fire trucks? I saw two in naperville illinois a few years ago. What the fuck do they need those for? In case they have to drive through a house to get to the one that's on fire?

I used to drive a Hummer damn near everyday. Now that I'm out of the Marine Corps I just drive a Big Horn Ram Quad Cab. Hehe Big Horn.....

Why? Are the lights on?

And the winner of the Funniest Post on this Page Award goes to......

Say it with me now. "The H2 is a fucking Suburban." Really. It literally is. It's a Suburban with all the "Extra Tacky + Butt Ugly" options installed.

I drive an 89' Suburban. They're kind of like an H2, only with some practical use, and a bigger bed.

When did flipoffahummer.com disappear?

Actually I drive a Suburban. You may hate me for that, but don't get pissed when you call me to build your house or remodel your kitchen and I say "sorry, my hyundai wont move when I hook my trailer full of tools up to it" or "well, it will take a year because I have to make 10 trips every day to get my tools over there". Then again, you may do your own remodeling...

Sorry, it was $4000. which was every penny I had at the time and I had an unreliable vehicle. It was worth almost twice that when I bought it. I am probably going to get a small car this year and one of those new European looking diesel vans next year . I hear they get over 20 mpg, and can tow.

My car does suck the gas...

[Edited on Apr 05, 2005 by impetus]

When riding my biclcyle to work, I make it a point to spit at those cars as I see them. Unless you're transporting 12 soldiers through the desert there is no need for that kind of a vehicle.

I'm should start carry SG stickers with me and start to tag them.

I have heard that hummers interior is smaller than suburbans.....So bigger footprint, worse mileage, less practical.......

You'm definitely should.
MA MEESHKA MOW SKWAZ

Every time that I am on my bike and I see a hummer, I try to make sure that I am holding up my swear finger very clearly in their direction. I gave up on flicking off all SUVs like I used to...I'm a much more civil cyclist now.

She's biased.


By my hot, hot hummer action.

"I see these fuckers riding around in their humvees, those giant fucking humvees that get like no mileage, it's non-applicable...here's the thing, I think you should be allowed to own a humvee, like when you go to buy it, you should get hit on the back of the neck with a roll of quarters in a sock, and just wake up in Iraq with a gun. And they're like, "oh yeah, you have to get the oil yourself"..."
Patton Oswalt

[Edited on Apr 05, 2005 by BillHaverchuck]

Wow, a hummer-bashing thread. How original. We can add it to the other 4,876,045 other hummer-bashing threads.
Perhaps you'd like to start a shaving thread and a spread-teh-leg thread and get it out of your system all at once?

That sounds rad as fuck... then I'll add your reply to the "being sarcastic without being funny in the slightest way" replies and you can masturbate feverishly to your own imagined wittiness, how's that sound?

You got it!!!!