Your Obituary

Just of alumni of my college. It's only part of my job.

Marybee, age 18, died today. Her body was discovered under the clothes in her bedroom a week after her demise. Teams of volunteers had been searching for the body but noone thought to look under the filth that engulfed her room. The autopsy revieled that she had ingested nearly 5 pounds of butterscotch pudding. Her roomates claim to have known about the problem for sometime now, but they "never thought it would go this far."

May Marybees death be a lesson to all of those butterscotch hoodlems. Once is never enough; just say no.

For information on the dangers of butterscotch pudding or to volunteer to be "butterscotch educator" please contact Moms Outraged about Butter-scotch (mobs) at 1-888-butterdont


My death will not be in vein!

Shit. Erm, okay...

Pope McSalty I, 22, died tragically and bizzarely today during his inaugral address after being kidnapped by a rare Roman Fighting Pigeon and dropped 70ft to his depth and subsequent death.

God bless him, and all beneath him.

"Time to get another
Before the final shout
You shoulda heard them roaring
as they dragged the bugger out
And we'll never
see the likes of you again"

There will be no obit column. If I die, im takin' all you muthafucka's with me.

My cat can eat a whole watermelon.

How come a Rubin and Ed reference always kills a thread?

Beckricci, a gentle soul and fellow traveler who died earlier today, will be known for his big heart, his ever encompassing empathy for the poor and downtrodden and the size of his gigantic cock.

Live Fast.

Die Young and Pretty

schoolgirl, dead at the age of 28. She was good at everything and had great hair.

"TReBlah, long-time cigarette smoker, died of cancer today.
he never saw it coming..."

hmph. sounded funnier in my head.

"He went way out where the huskies go...and never came back."

That's what I was gonna put! Except, you know, with my name. Thunder stealer!