Your Obituary

Today, the best person who ever walked the earth, FridgeMagnet, died. All the rest of you bitches will now suffer.

A legend in his own lunchtime.

His body was recovered forom the belly of the dragon. His remains will be interned on Mars. Not his place of birth, but he always considered it home.

Jon Doe was found dead in an alley yesterday. Although we didn't know him, we're pretty sure that no one cares.

The lights of Broadway dimmed and planes flying in formation dipped their wings in a moving, silent tribute, to some other, more worthy bastard who died today. Frank's death, like much of his life, went unnoticed.
His friends gathered Sunday night to watch the season opener for the Red Sox and the Yank-Me s and Frank's absence was briefly noted when the beer ran out in the seveth inning. Everyone assumed he was making a beer run and turned back to the game.
He leaves many survivors who look just like him and already show his traits of sloth, loyalty to a fault and an overly-active imagination. Their various mothers will eventually notice that the sporadic, paltry checks have stopped.

Finally!

John ______ Was 22 years young and died just as he lived. Fat and ugly.

I tried my hardest yet still I failed.

It's funny you should ask this, cause I've been talking about this lately with friends and family. Any way, here it is:

dAHMER was a loney, miserable and bitter person...but sure as Hell if he didn't do it all his way.

"Blimey! I thought he died ages ago? That incident with the midgets, a goat, and a hose pipe........."

I think that's an epitaph.

I may be wrong.

Christopher Flannery (1980-2005) Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Remains Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship

thats an eptipah (at least)

Gnilsh died at level 6 battling an icy crag boar, please wait 3 minutes while his ghost runs from Kharanos to retrieve the corpse.

"I never knew the man but I get payed $20 an hour to fill this page every day."

Axiocersa: So. Goth.

My friends already told me what mine will say.

he was 21 an well, he was fat.

Nick died today. In important news......

or

Nike died today. In important news: typos in obituaries are on the rise.

[Edited on Apr 03, 2005 by JohnnyHomicide]

warren died his funreal will be on (such and such) theres free milk and cookies

[Edited on Apr 03, 2005 by warren_13]

Headstone:

Hear lies mcsalty;
"I'M TAKING YOU ALL WITH ME"
a failure in death as in life.

There is a thread for that.

the lamentation of women around the world can be heard this grey october morning, as we lay to rest the earthly remains of katiebarthedoor. he will be interred sitting inside his gold-plated rocket car, as per his wishes.
the Vatican is expected to hastily proceede with the cannonization of katiebarthedoor. the patron saint of bad-ass mustached rock n' roll freedom fighters.

he died as he lived, better than you.

MariMoon, age 22, died while dancing around on her living room. She was having too much fun and had a heart attack.

She will be missed by no one, since she'll become a ghost and haunt everyone from now on. Her last words were: "See you soon".

I write obits every week for work.

Haverchuck, 24, known by some, liked by even less, expired after receiving a sound thrashing about the head and neck from Supernintendo. Professional paper pusher. Mom finally found a way to get him to move back to Ohio. Burial will be Sunday, followed by watching the Browns game at the home of the deceased's parents. Fucking Browns!

"who?"

...are you that man?