R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg

EDITED TO CORRECT CAUSE OF DEATH

May he rest peacefully in Comedian Heaven....... or whereever it is Comedians go when they die



R.I.P. Mitch



I think this would be a good time to post your favorite Mitch Hedberg Joke.


"I've got New Balance Shoes, but these are kinda old, so I've been falling down a lot."

"Plus if I pulled your legs off, you would look like snowmen."



Comedy Central Link




[Edited on Apr 01, 2005 by ThrowDownTheMic]

"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two , and if no one answers the'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. But then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes, No one seems to care, who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry. That's a double whammy! We need help! Bush search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes."

Comic Gold!

I always liked his bit about the infestation of koala bears.

Wow... I can't believe... I loved re-enacting his bits with friends on set...

super

I loved the black light/mustard on the shirt bit the best.

It's funny because it's TRUE!

These aren't ver batum.

Kit Kat embossed thier name on each bar...
that's robbing me of chocolate..
That's an awesome chocolate saving technique.
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Resse's Pieces is spelled with an apostrophe. That means if some dude names Reese comes by and asks for the candy, YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE 'EM UP!

What a bully!!!

Can't I just have a Piece?

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What a loss...

[Edited on Mar 31, 2005 by azulsf]

That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like, you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."

rest his soul.

That's one of my favorites.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy.

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. I need more dice."

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.  To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."

I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'll say, "Just press two for a while, when I answer, you'll know that you've pressed two enough."

Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree



I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
Goddamnit Mitch.
This sucks

I've been contemplating getting business cards made with my name and "Potential Lunch Winner" printed on them. Now I think I have to.

"If you're flamable and have legs, you're never blocking a fire exit."
- Mitch Hedberg

I think he would have wanted that.

[Edited on Mar 31, 2005 by GiveIt35Percent]

Pickles are cucumbers that sold out.

i can't believe it.

I like baked potatoes - I don't have a microwave oven, and it
takes forever to cook a baked potato in a conventional oven,
sometimes I just throw one in there, even if I don't want one.
By the time it's done - who knows?

I hate Kit Kats when I'm with four or more people.
[

I]I wish they had a cinnamon bun insents... I would light it and have my roommates wake up with false expectations.

[Edited on Mar 31, 2005 by BigWobbles]

[Edited on Mar 31, 2005 by BigWobbles]

Guess how many jelly-beans are in the jar...if you're right, you win a prize. Ahhh man...let me just HAVE some. Guess how many jelly-beans I want. If you guessed 'a handful" you win.

Motherfucker!!!!!!

I just saw him a goddamned month ago!!!

"MITCH YOU RULE!!!"

"This is not a kingdom. I cannot say, 'Off with your head.'"

"GIVE IT UP MITCH!!!"

"Give what up? Am I harboring some of your possesions?"

I was supposed to see him tonight. What pisser.

aw... he was one of the few comedians that actually made me laugh out loud. not chuckle, or smirk, but fucking laugh.

i'll miss him.

"I want to make a vending machine that sells other vending machines, but it'll have to be real fucking big."

have there been any concrete reports that specifically point to a drug overdose?
and no, internet gossip doesn't count.

Now that is fucked up.

Keep posting his jokes. He will be alive on this thread.

" I dont understand women. My girlfriend always says she isn't trying to be dificult, well she must be an actress or has a degree cause she is always dificult.