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2/18/05

any polic officers? [2]

battlin_albright

2/18/05

Good reading places in SF?

2/18/05

AICN *puke emoticon*

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Oh my god, Toby!

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Grammar police raid Coors brewery

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Microsoft tries to teach parents 1337 Speak

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"The Perfect Storm" of food and fun!

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John Stamos is cooler than Denver Pyle?!?!

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sex, drugs, and roll n' roll [2]

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NEWS: Official: Coffee is Good for You [2]

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Game Developer Websites?

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Daniel Robert Epstein: Inside Deep Throat directors

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the mother of all sequels [3]

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que its 105 time [105]

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Smokers' Rights

katiebarthedoor

2/17/05

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A second American Revolution? [2]

2/17/05

Look What I Made.... [3]

2/17/05

i'm watching made on mtv

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What does Marcel Marceau look like?

2/17/05

NEWS: Penis Size Tied to Intellegence by Insane Professor [4]

2/17/05

what do you collect? [3]

2/17/05

NEWS: 12-Year-Old Accused of Killing Sister Over a Hamburger [2]

2/17/05

HA HA...FUCK YEAH ! :)

2/17/05

NEWS: Increase the Size of Your Litigious Penis! [2]

2/17/05

If you can't respond verbally?

2/17/05

Whiskey,Whisky, Sour Mash.. [3]

2/17/05

You have got to check this out!

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Learning Japanese

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Digital Freebies

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i'm hungry so...

2/17/05

2/17/05

just shut the fuck up

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NEWS: I Hate Huckabees: \"Covenant Marriage\" Sticks It to Gays

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Best shitty whiskey? [3]

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I have a new crush!

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NEWS: The Infamous "Dogs Playing Poker" Sells, White Trash to be Next Merchant Class

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NEWS: Increase the Size of Your Litigious Penis!

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Christopher

Portland, OR

November 2002

FEB 15, 2005 10:34 PM

CULTURE: Increase the Size of Your Litigious Penis!

A New Jersey man is suing a manufacturer of herbal penis enlargement pills because the pills simply do not work as advertised.

Two similar cases, filed last year in Colorado and Ohio, accuse manufacturers of herbal dietary supplements, VigRx and Enzyte, of falsely claiming to be able to add substantial length and girth to a man's penis.

All three suits seek class action status and claim to represent more than 1 million total plaintiffs.

In the latest case, filed on Jan. 21 in New Jersey state court, plaintiff Michael Coluzzi claimed he paid $59.95 for a 30-day supply of Alzare pills but "experienced no increase in penis size," and then was unable to collect a promised refund from manufacturer Alzare LLC of Boca Raton, Florida.

Neither Alzare nor chief operating officer Scott Hammond, both named as defendants, could be reached for comment.

Coluzzi's attorney, Stephen DeNittis, said many men had been taken in by dubious claims that the product would add up to 3 inches (7.5 cm) to their penises by "very, very convincing" advertising, such as infomercials featuring doctors and porn stars.

"Males, for whatever reason, may be susceptible because of what they feel they lack," DeNittis said. "It was so believable I confirmed with an expert (that the claims were false) before I filed the lawsuit. They said they had done medical studies proving that it works."

Obviously, we all know that cock enlargement pills are like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny: if it was possible to increase the size of your penis by taking a pill, men would be jumping rope with their johnson. But I still commend those who are taking these companies to court and getting rid of one more goddamn company that sends out billions of spam emails.

Of course, I hear it's pretty easy to set up another company in the Cayman Islands.

dicey

United Kingdom

February 2005

FEB 16, 2005 01:02 PM

will they ever learn!? it's not the size that matters....

wait a minute, who am I kidding!

hypoxian

I'm lost

August 2004

FEB 16, 2005 01:06 PM

it's just as well, bigger penis means more back problems so people are going to sue these companies no matter what

nonbillable

Brooklyn, NY

September 2004

FEB 16, 2005 01:07 PM

At least someone's fighting for us, erm, them, I mean them.

beaky

Miami, FL

April 2003

FEB 16, 2005 01:22 PM

BrokenGavelBlues said:
Ironic that this guy had the balls to do this.

apparently thats the sidefect

Farhaad

Arcadia, CA

February 2005

FEB 16, 2005 01:23 PM

Jelqing is the real deal.

fuck

Detroit, MI

April 2004

FEB 16, 2005 01:48 PM

Starhaad said:
Jelqing is the real deal.

What the hell is a Jelqing?

Christopher

Portland, OR

November 2002

FEB 16, 2005 01:55 PM

fuck said:

Starhaad said:
Jelqing is the real deal.

What the hell is a Jelqing?

It's like yoga for your cock.

Or like tug o'war.

freshprncebelair

Ellicott City, MD

June 2004

FEB 16, 2005 01:56 PM

I would like the addresses of all the people who are plaintiffs.

I then would like to go to their houses with a baseball bat, and fucking destroy their computers.

Then I would hold the baseball bat menacingly, and yell "STOP IT!!!! YOU ARE PROVIDING MONEY FOR PEOPLE TO RUIN THE INTERNET!!!!"

bambam226

Fort Worth, TX

December 2004

FEB 16, 2005 01:56 PM

fuck said:

Starhaad said:
Jelqing is the real deal.

What the hell is a Jelqing?

Is when you fuck a really fat girl and her rolls suffocate you.

el_oso

Canada

September 2002

FEB 16, 2005 02:09 PM

I don't know what those guys are talking about...

I had to stop taking the pills after gaining four inches because my lady thought it was simply getting TOO LARGE!!

Dr_Zoidberg

Raymore, MO

June 2004

FEB 16, 2005 02:12 PM

Why can't guys just be happy with their size?

I HAVE A SMALL PENIS. I'M HAPPY WITH IT.

dem_z

United Kingdom

June 2004

FEB 16, 2005 02:14 PM

"very, very convincing" advertising,

Surely they mean "v.3ry vEr!y c0nvicnI.nG a d v ert1sinng"?

They should have read the Boulder Pledge.

HenryTMensch

New York, NY

December 2004

FEB 16, 2005 02:20 PM

skankzor said:
I would like the addresses of all the people who are plaintiffs.

I then would like to go to their houses with a baseball bat, and fucking destroy their computers.

Then I would hold the baseball bat menacingly, and yell "STOP IT!!!! YOU ARE PROVIDING MONEY FOR PEOPLE TO RUIN THE INTERNET!!!!"

But there are probably people who would say the same thing about all of us for being on a paid porn site.

"Grab your dick and double click for porn porn porn"

secondslice

Suffield, CT

February 2005

FEB 16, 2005 02:27 PM

I think this maybe the same guy who tried to corner the market in Diet Air. I never knew that $60 could buy so much embarassment!!

mydeconstruction

Broomall, PA

April 2003

FEB 16, 2005 03:38 PM

What I was told in Pharm. a while back is that there is no way a drug can enhance your penis size. The only way to do so is through surgical means.

Lit_the_Filter

Tacoma, WA

August 2004

FEB 16, 2005 05:37 PM

Nice headline.

First season of P&T Bullshit covered this. They had three guys; one got the pill, one got a pump, one got something else; none got any larger.

Sexdwarf

Hermosa Beach, CA

February 2003

FEB 16, 2005 06:10 PM

I wish I'd've thought to sue cause they couldn't make my small penis large.

dpk

Seattle, WA

November 2004

FEB 16, 2005 06:41 PM

demetrius_z said:

"very, very convincing" advertising,

Surely they mean "v.3ry vEr!y c0nvicnI.nG a d v ert1sinng"?

They should have read the Boulder Pledge.

Enzyte, at least, is advertised on TV. At least here in the US.

EJ00807

I'm lost

December 2004

FEB 16, 2005 09:35 PM

I'm so happy to have finally found a product that really does make my penis grow by more than 3 inches.

Thanks SG's

FartyMcCrablice

Seattle, WA

February 2005

FEB 16, 2005 09:57 PM

i recently tried these penis enhancing pills. unfortunalty they didnt work. the only noticable gains occured when i actually stuffed the pills, 162 of them in all, up my urethra. an hour or so later i was sex with my girlfriend and she seemed very pleased,then i ejaculated. the pills shot out at such a wicked velocity they obliterated her inards, traveled up her spinal cord and bounced around in her cranium like lotto balls. she has perminent brain damage. i still have sex with her regularly.

FartyMcCrablice

Seattle, WA

February 2005

FEB 16, 2005 11:48 PM

FartyMcCrablice said:
i recently tried these penis enhancing pills. unfortunalty they didnt work. the only noticable gains occured when i actually stuffed the pills, 162 of them in all, up my urethra. an hour or so later i was sex with my girlfriend and she seemed very pleased,then i ejaculated. the pills shot out at such a wicked velocity they obliterated her inards, traveled up her spinal cord and bounced around in her cranium like lotto balls. she has perminent brain damage. i still have sex with her regularly.

SHAZZAM!!

FartyMcCrablice

Seattle, WA

February 2005

FEB 17, 2005 12:53 AM

FartyMcCrablice said:

FartyMcCrablice said:
i recently tried these penis enhancing pills. unfortunalty they didnt work. the only noticable gains occured when i actually stuffed the pills, 162 of them in all, up my urethra. an hour or so later i was having sex with my girlfriend and she seemed very pleased,then i ejaculated. the pills shot out at such a wicked velocity they obliterated her inards, traveled up her spinal cord and bounced around in her cranium like lotto balls. she has perminent brain damage. i still have sex with her regularly.

SHAZZAM!!

oh man, your the shit Farty! it aint no party without big Farty!

delusion

Santa Barbara, CA

March 2004

FEB 17, 2005 01:10 AM

FartyMcCrablice said:

FartyMcCrablice said:

FartyMcCrablice said:
i recently tried these penis enhancing pills. unfortunalty they didnt work. the only noticable gains occured when i actually stuffed the pills, 162 of them in all, up my urethra. an hour or so later i was having sex with my girlfriend and she seemed very pleased,then i ejaculated. the pills shot out at such a wicked velocity they obliterated her inards, traveled up her spinal cord and bounced around in her cranium like lotto balls. she has perminent brain damage. i still have sex with her regularly.

SHAZZAM!!

oh man, your the shit Farty! it aint no party without big Farty!

Obvious account sharing....dude, tell your girlfriend to get her own account.

MisterSatan

Portland, OR

August 2002

FEB 17, 2005 01:12 AM

FartyMcCrablice said:

FartyMcCrablice said:

FartyMcCrablice said:
i recently tried these penis enhancing pills. unfortunalty they didnt work. the only noticable gains occured when i actually stuffed the pills, 162 of them in all, up my urethra. an hour or so later i was having sex with my girlfriend and she seemed very pleased,then i ejaculated. the pills shot out at such a wicked velocity they obliterated her inards, traveled up her spinal cord and bounced around in her cranium like lotto balls. she has perminent brain damage. i still have sex with her regularly.

SHAZZAM!!

oh man, your the shit Farty! it aint no party without big Farty!

Obvious account sharing....dude, tell your girlfriend to get her own account.

Naw, I think this guy's legitimately out of his gourd.

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