life sucks--make it better

Don't know if this actually fits on this board, but you know, fuck it. Who the fuck do you turn to when your real life friends don't really help you if not a bunch of probably awesome strangers.

So give me your advice:

I've got an awesomely awesome friend who's quite a looker and gets loads of bullshit from horndog guys all the time. I'm one of her very few guy pals because of it. I know I have developed feelings for her (like more than friendship feelings), but I've done a pretty great job restraining myself from doing anything more than a friend would do. We're really close now, and even though I'd love to never approach her about this, I know I won't ever be able to do that, and that kind of sucks, because I know it'll probably turn out bad.

There are tons of questions this situation raises (like is it right to be honest with her about it anyway or am i a bastard for jeopardizing the friendship), but I mostly ignore them.

Not sure this even requires advice...but hell, like I said, fuck it. Might as well get someone's input.

Anyway, nice to meet you!

Nice knowing you too.

smoke a doober...

well, you will probably get less flaming in the dating sucks group.
i would say you are probably out of the running with her. she probably thinks of you are a friend and you are totally screwed forever.
but you should tell her because its just gonna be shitty to you to be all unrequited around her. if you are past the point of no return (as far as having real feeling for her) just accept where things have gone.
good luck

I did, but then afterwards I revertted back into a 12 year boy apparently.

Go out and have sex with as many men/women as possible! That should help you forget about her. Or you could just decide what you would rather have, friendship or relationship, and just do it. I say go for it, at least if she doesn't like you, you can stop wasting time pining away for her. But hopefully she likes you too! Good luck!

Sounds like you are already in the friend category. Most girls know within 5 minutes of meeting a guy which category they will fall into, and you've probably been pidgeonholed. But it could be beneficial to tell her. Yesterday my best friend confessed his love to me, and I told him it was never going to happen. This is a usual conversation though...but he eased into it after two years of being my best friend. He was up front with me and I was back (but keep in mind this was not a very heavy, serious conversation as we were about to paddle out and surf together). We are better friends for our honesty. Just tell her...but don't make a whole "Chasing Amy" scene out of it. I'm sure it will all fall into place. Good luck!

I feel bad. that sounds exactly like one of my guy friends. I seem to go for assholes, and he's the nicest guy. but i just wasn't attracted to him, and his love of me made me feel bad.

so ask her and see what happens. she could very well have feelings for you. but if not, it's not you. some girls just would rather have good friends than good boyfriends.

wow...well said. I couldn't agree more

And this is why nice guys finish last and/or cut themselves.

don't worry. women date assholes, but we try to marry nice guys

A close female friend of mine (who was in the same catagorie) said that the way to get over someone was to get under someone. You cant win, I've been there, it dosen't work, besides friends rule girlfriends leave you cold and alone...and there are wolves after me....Hoooowwlllll...

haha, that wont make him worry.
you dont get the sex, but you get the fighting and the cellulite!

You should just tell her.

Thing is, the fact that she's your close friend is almost certainly deeply intertwined with the fact that she would never date or fuck you. It's precisely because you're so polite and respectful and passive that you are where you are. You are tame and safe, so it's easy for her to keep you around without having to worry about you humping her leg or anything else untoward. But, you are also tame and safe, which means you are unexciting and thus sexually and romantically unattractive. She knows exactly what to expect from you, and she can give and take what she wants at her leisure.

Now, if you just tell her how you feel, at least you can feel like you did what you could and you'll be liberated. As an added bonus, if you are as cynical as I am, after she dates a couple of guys who are just total fucking idiots and nowhere near as good as you, you can at least have the satisfaction of knowing she has poor judgement. Knowing that she knew she could have had you, yet chooses to date total losers will gradually make you lose respect for her, and after a while she won't seem nearly as awesome and you'll feel way better about the whole thing.

Nick


[Edited on Jan 08, 2005 by The_Incubator]

don't tell her...I've been the girl in this situation more than once, and although I didn't have mutual feelings and told him in the nicest way I just wanted to remain close as I valued our friendship, it still was ruined by the wierdness that came after, and I rarely see these 2 guys now...it's sad, but when I do see them, we barely are able to have the "hey how's it goin" chat

but more often than not love comes with cellulite, and not perfect firm buttocks

There is always the danger that by telling her how you feel, you could completely ruin what you have worked so hard to build up (a good friendship). I believe that guys and girls can have good friendships without there being sexual feelings involved.

if somehow you think that this is the only girl for you, and she's the one, and all that crap, then by all means tell her. the possibility of her reciprocating feelings is something worth losing a friendship over. but if you just feel comfortable with her, and you think that you'd be good together, but you're not madly in love with her, then do what capitalistfig said, and go out and meet/date/fuck as many people as you can, because you may find something better, and you may clarify your opinion of her even more, one way or another. and it's not worth losing a good friendship for just a hunch.

so when this girl he likes is no longer good looking, and willing to settle for him, he's in.

How comforting.

Always nice to be the end of the line, the second (or third) choice, the last resort, the pragmatic, disappointing reality after all her dreams are crushed and all other opportunities spent. I'm glad my wife doesn't feel like that about me (I hope! ), nor I about her..

Advice: You have to tell her. If you don't tell her about your feelings, you're misrepresenting yourself to her, using a mask of platonic friendship to stay close to her. You're a wolf in sheep's clothing when you pretend to be only a friend. I've done this before in my life, and I feel really creepy icky about it now even though the friendship is still there and the water is under the bridge and long since forgiven.

And also, knowing most men's [lack of] skill at hiding their true motives, and most women's true skills of perception, it's probably a safe bet she's got an idea of your feelings for her, and is either hoping the matter will go away or, if she's shy, that you'll say something.

[Edited on Jan 11, 2005 by Keith]

Shoot yourself.

It will be quicker, less painful, and a whole lot less messy.

Strangely enough, I'm in the same boat... Shit, now that I think about it, I know this boat well. I'm going to have to agree with the general consensus: Tell her, but be prepared to face the consequences either way. You could either lose a really good friendship or gain a relationship that may or may not last.

As for me, I'm going to puss out and remain friends with said girl. The relationship probably wouldn't last anyway and the friendship is more important to me. I'll get over the crush. So much for taking my own advice...

I've been there before. Tell her how you feel. If you're really friends then best case scenario, she'll jump you. Worst case scenario she politely says no and lets you down easy. Trust me, if the friendship is worth anything you'll be able to move on no matter what her reaction is. I've never had someone flip out and swear off a friendship because they didn't feel like getting naked with me.