You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here!

bettiecracka

Lugoff, SC

May 2004

DEC 10, 2004 01:16 PM

Why do I see another duct tape and plastic epidemic. Not over the lasers, but some other very unlikely scare?

bettiecracka

Lugoff, SC

May 2004

DEC 10, 2004 01:27 PM

And for some reason it won't let me read past the picture of people mooning. Anyone have any idea why?

JuiceBox

Baltimore, MD

August 2004

DEC 11, 2004 01:58 PM

What blows my mind is that the LA Times reports that there have been three incidents of this in the past 90 days.

now the punchline: "The most recent incidents appear to be aimed at pilots in the vicinity of airports," Luckey said. "A few seem to be intentional, and we're wondering why and what's going on."

Intentional? From 5 miles away? Man, the FBI is keeping the good dope to themselves.

But, I guess if Duct tape can keep you safe from anthrax in the high-risk Midwest, then some jihadist could theoretically have better aim than the computers at NASA.

I hate this country.

lostarchitect

Brooklyn, NY

January 2004

DEC 11, 2004 02:00 PM

OMFG!! TEH 1EE7 T3rr0r127z hav3 1AZ0RZ!!!111

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH

April 2004

DEC 11, 2004 02:04 PM

It doesn't seem so improbable to me that a computer couldn't at least point a laser into a cockpit at the distance of a few miles. After all, I'm guessing you don't have to have it hit the eyes for that long, do you? So you point it into the cockpit, sweep it back and forth a few times and hope you you get the eyes for half a second.

Then again, I'm no physicist. Or computerist. Or militar...ist...

lostarchitect

Brooklyn, NY

January 2004

DEC 11, 2004 02:06 PM

actually, i hear that THE TERRORISTS have hired trogdor to burninate LAX, news at 11.

turin

Denver, CO

October 2003

DEC 11, 2004 02:15 PM

if I could hit a target the size of a pupil, through glass I probably can't see past, a mile away, travelling at 200+ mph, I'd probably just get a fucking rifle and fucking shoot the guy.

stockula

Anchorage, AK

May 2003

DEC 11, 2004 02:17 PM

The Russians did this to P-3 Orion pilots that surveilled their spy ships.

[Edited on Dec 11, 2004 by stockula]

MrStitches

Sag Harbor, NY

November 2003

DEC 11, 2004 02:26 PM

I heard having a bunch of terrorists getting on one plane, and jumping up and down really hard to make the plane crash is the new shooting pilots with lasers.

ratherto

San Francisco, CA

November 2003

DEC 11, 2004 02:32 PM

Maybe they'll tape a bunch of those pen laser pointers together and...nevermind.

waldo

I'm lost

June 2004

DEC 11, 2004 02:50 PM

stockula said:
The Russians did this to P-3 Orion pilots that surveilled their spy ships.
[Edited on Dec 11, 2004 by stockula]

Link?

Idjit

HOPEFUL

I'm lost

DEC 30, 2004 02:29 PM

Interestingly enough, it sounds like this may be happening - albeit unsuccessfully:

from http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002135556_webfbiinvestigation30.html
The FBI is investigating a report by a SkyWest crew, who say they saw two laser-like rays of light in the cockpit of their plane as they attempted to land at the Medford airport Christmas night.

The lights appeared as their United Express plane began its descent at about 8:20 p.m. Saturday. The FBI offered no explanation for the "unusual" sighting.

"It's just a suspicious event at this point," Beth Anne Steele, FBI spokeswoman in Portland, told the Mail Tribune.

The pilots described the light as a laser that entered the cockpit from the chief officer's window and did not move off the aircraft, said Alison Gemmell, director of marketing and communication for SkyWest Airlines. The pilots reported the event to airport tower personnel, and the FBI was called in as a routine matter of notification, Gemmell said.

CaptBlackHeart

Denver, CO

August 2004

DEC 30, 2004 02:39 PM

demetrius_z said:

They could do a lot more damage by just destroying a runway or two. They wouldn't even need to destroy any planes; one plane a minute leaves Heathrow so the disruption caused by having a runway closed would be pretty huge.

I

lets just send em a blue print why we're at it. thanks geraldo.

monkeybutt

I'm lost

May 2004

DEC 30, 2004 02:41 PM

this just in on FOX news: terrorists may be YOUR NEIGHBORS. they may be IN YOUR HOUSE. they may be IN YOUR CEREAL. they may be IN YOUR BATHROOM. they may be IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER.

be afraid of everything. it's easier.

crispy

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

DEC 30, 2004 08:26 PM

I just heard on the local news that it has happened seven times nationwide since Christmas.

Max16Characters

Korea, Republic Of

March 2003

DEC 30, 2004 08:37 PM

Holy shit! They have frickin' laser beams! Run!!!!

Baka_Amerikanjin

Seattle, WA

January 2004

DEC 30, 2004 09:07 PM

crispy said:
I just heard on the local news that it has happened seven times nationwide since Christmas.

and so far, I've heard of one pilot suffering a temporary eye injury. He still managed to land his plane. I've heard the next scheme is that the terrorists will stap rockets to their backs and launch themselves over the airplanes and drop anvils on them from above!

crispy

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

DEC 31, 2004 02:57 AM

WASHINGTON - Pilots from time to time encounter laser beams that stray into the cockpit on approach to an airport, but a recent rash of such incidents _ at least seven since Christmas _ has them worried about an organized effort to take down airliners.

Though there have been no reports of accidents caused by lasers, they can temporarily blind and disorient a pilot and could lead to a plane crash.

The FBI is investigating whether the incidents are pranks, accidents or something more sinister.

Federal agents are looking into two incidents in Colorado Springs, Colo., and one each in Cleveland, Washington, Houston, Teterboro, N.J., and Medford, Ore., according to law enforcement and transportation officials, some of whom spoke Thursday only on condition of anonymity.

Associated Press story

I originally posted this as a case of ridiculous paranoia but it looks like there might be something to it ...

[Edited on Dec 31, 2004 by crispy]

Dopalganger

Nantucket, MA

January 2003

JAN 01, 2005 12:18 AM

terror guys with lasers trying to crash airplanes. ha!

someone even told me terror guys wanted to take over airplanes and use them as missles to crash into buildings. what nonsense!

FrankMask

Saint Paul, MN

June 2003

JAN 01, 2005 03:45 AM

crispy said:
No, they're not Star Wars blaster lasers, but rather the kind used in a "Laser Floyd" show.

Terrorists may seek to down aircraft by shining powerful lasers into cockpits to blind pilots during landing approaches, U.S. officials warned in a bulletin distributed nationwide.

Now that's just plain fucked up.

While I understand that this could work, and really is a pretty novel concept for taking down a commercial jetliner, I don't need any further encouragement from the government to sleep with my favorite blanky and a glock under my pillow. I am paranoid enough as it is without their help. At this point I can't do anything about it, so please keep the inter-office memos interoffice, before I have to explain to my mom why an Avain Cow Flu isn't about to wipe us out again.

That said, taking out a plane with a well aimed laser would be pretty slick if you timed it right. If the plane was largely fragmented on impact, all you'd have for evidence would be the radio logs. Plus you could set up in most urban airports from way the hell out of the way.

I'd also like to point out that before the Terrorists, this would have been the work of Aliens. Evil Aliens.

[Edited on Jan 01, 2005 by Frank]

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September 2003

DEC 10, 2004 11:51 AM

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Lugoff, SC

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Cleveland, OH

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DEC 11, 2004 02:15 PM

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May 2003

DEC 11, 2004 02:17 PM

Sag Harbor, NY

November 2003

DEC 11, 2004 02:26 PM

San Francisco, CA

November 2003

DEC 11, 2004 02:32 PM

I'm lost

June 2004

DEC 11, 2004 02:50 PM

Idjit

HOPEFUL

I'm lost

DEC 30, 2004 02:29 PM

Denver, CO

August 2004

DEC 30, 2004 02:39 PM

monkeybutt

I'm lost

May 2004

DEC 30, 2004 02:41 PM

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

DEC 30, 2004 08:26 PM

Korea, Republic Of

March 2003

DEC 30, 2004 08:37 PM

Seattle, WA

January 2004

DEC 30, 2004 09:07 PM

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

DEC 31, 2004 02:57 AM

Nantucket, MA

January 2003

JAN 01, 2005 12:18 AM

Saint Paul, MN

June 2003

JAN 01, 2005 03:45 AM